I knew she had a difficult past when I started dating her. She is a good woman. One I have planned my entire future with. I want to marry her. I have done enough to show her that my intentions are pure. In return, I expected her to at least give me the benefit of the doubt. She seemed to be doing that at first but things are not looking good between us right now.

She lacks trust in men because of her past. “Every man who has ever sworn to love me ended up leaving me,” she narrated, “I am a broken woman with a mangled heart because of them.” I understood her. We all have our demons from the past. “I know what it means to have your heart broken by someone you love. I promise I will do right by you,” I assured her.

My assurance didn’t do much to get her to relax. She shook her head and said, “You don’t know the half of it. At this point in my life, there is nothing a man would say or do to make me trust him.” The conversation we had that day was long and difficult.

According to her story, she got pregnant when she was twenty-three years old. Her boyfriend who impregnated her said he didn’t have anything to do with the pregnancy. The rest of the pregnancy journey was difficult. By the time the baby was due, she was experiencing complications. She had her son alright, but she lost her womb in the process.

Before I met her, she went through a series of disappointments with five different men. They all proposed marriage to her. She said yes and they got engaged. Yet somehow, none of these men sustained the relationship to the altar. The last one was the worst among them.

With him, they were done with wedding preparations. All they had to do was show up on the D-day and get married. Only for the guy to disappear seven days before the wedding. When he finally reappeared, his excuse was; “I had to leave because I am not ready for marriage.” She almost lost herself to that disappointment.

Knowing where she has been, and what she has experienced made me more determined to love her fiercely. I have accepted her past with all its baggage, and I’m showering her with honesty, respect, and unconditional love. I pray for her as well, for God to heal her heart and make it whole again.

Although our relationship is long-distance, we found a way to keep the love going. I must say, we’ve had a sweet journey. We spoke regularly and consistently. “I truly love you. You have a way of making me feel special, but I’m afraid you will also disappoint me,” she would often tell me.

When she says this, I understand that it’s her insecurities speaking. So no matter how many times it comes up, I tell her; “Babe, I am here to stay. I won’t disappoint you or bring you shame. I promise to be faithful to you, whether we are together or apart.” It’s just my own way of chasing the ghosts of her past away.

Last month I told her that it would bring me so much joy to marry her as soon as possible. We spoke about it and we were both happy. A day later she sent me photos of the rings she would like to wear for the engagement and the wedding.

A week later, I bought the engagement ring. The plan is to propose to her on her birthday. However, I got so excited about the ring that I told her I bought them. She didn’t believe me. “If indeed you bought them then send me photos.” I felt she chose the ring so she could wait for twenty more days to see it in person when I popped the question.

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I explained my position to her expecting her to understand me but my girl got upset. “I thought you were different but you are just like all the other men,” came her response. I apologized but she is no longer talking to me.

We are roughly 2000km apart from each other because of work. Because of this, I sent a respectable lady in my church back home to go and see her and apologize on my behalf. She went but it didn’t yield any results. That was last week.


This week, I sent my mentor to apologize on my behalf but she still hasn’t accepted my apology. I don’t understand how she could drag something this simple on for this long. What happened to forgiveness?

I am open to correction. So why won’t she give us a chance? I understand she has a difficult past but I am learning to do right by her. I love her so much that the thought of losing her is unfathomable. What can I do to prove to her that I am here to stay?

— Gilbert

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