If you haven’t read the first story, kindly go to the link and read it before you continue with this one.

After I read the comments on my story, I sat down to analyze things properly. Some people advised me to move on with my life. Others too advised me to try again. Considering everything that was going on at the time, I decided just to move on with my life. I stopped calling her as often as I used to. And I responded to her texts long after she has sent them. I was just slowly pulling away from her.

When she realized what I was doing she started calling me frequently. She would text me the entire day. She tried hard to get my attention but I didn’t mind her. One day she called and asked, “What’s going on? It looks like you are avoiding me.” I responded, “I am moving on with my life.” She started acting sad all of a sudden.

She said, “You say you love me yet you are giving up on us? Stay and fight for me.” Hearing those words gave me hope. I remember asking her, “Why should I wait for you when you don’t know what you want? One moment you tell me you don’t love me. The next moment you tell me your family is against  us. What do you want from me?”

That was when she told me she was falling in love with me again. She said she would help me stand against her family. Although I truly wanted to make it work with her, I didn’t want to set myself up for another disappointment. So I spoke to my family about her request. They advised me to let her go so I would focus on my life. A part of me wanted to do that, but another part of me had hope that I could have the family I have always wanted if I gave it one last chance.

I made the choice to give her another chance. Although I went against my family’s advice, they supported me when I decided to marry Danielle. They went with me to see her family. Whatever reservations her family raised against me in the past didn’t come up for discussion. This time around they agreed that we should get married. I was shocked but I am not one to question a gift horse in the mouth. We fixed the date for 31st December 2022.

After we got married we moved to another community so we wouldn’t have constant reminders of our toxic past. It was not easy to start life from scratch in a new environment but we made it work. Our finances were affected, mine especially. She started earning more money than I did, so she provided more for the home than I did. Another thing that was affected was my education. I had to drop out.

While I was trying to find my feet, Danielle told me she was pregnant. “Another baby?” I screamed. “This is going to put a strain on us.” I complained about money as well. A few days after that she miscarried. She was very sad to lose the baby. I was sad too but hers surpassed mine.

About three weeks after the miscarriage she changed. She became moody all the time. She refused to talk to me. She won’t even let me touch her. She said I was the one who caused her to miscarry. I didn’t understand why she would accuse me of doing that. What could I have possibly done to make a woman lose her baby?

About two months after the change in her behaviour, she started making phone calls late into the night. She would text on her phone all the time. I didn’t know who she was talking to but I didn’t like it. I expressed my concerns and she shut me down. So I reported our problems to her family.

They called her and advised her. After she spoke to them she told me she she was no longer in love with me, and that she wants a divorce. I was surprised. Our marriage was less than four months old at this point. My wife would go out and return home around midnight. When I ask where she went she wouldn’t mind me.

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I was broken. I thought about everything I sacrificed so we could be together and it pained me. I went against my family’s advice and chose her but it didn’t seem to matter to her. What didn’t I do to try and change her mind? I was extremely nice to and around her even when she was rude to me. I reminded her that she was the one who finally agreed to the marriage. But no matter what I said, she didn’t seem interested in me anymore.

I brought my mother over as a last resort. She had a long conversation with Danielle. That was when Danielle said, “When I told you I was pregnant all you did was complain about money. I believe that’s the reason I lost the baby.” She explained that that was why she was rude to me.

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I apologized for my part in our problems and she also apologized for hers. Things are good between us now. And ever since my mum left we’ve not had any fights. Danielle is back to herself again. She stopped making late-night calls and outings. She says she loves me and I feel it’s true.

Now here is my problem. The past is overshadowing my happiness. Whenever she acts a little bit moody, I am transported back to the time she said she was leaving me. And I wonder if she is going to do it again. The trust I had in our marriage is broken. I keep waiting for her to say she doesn’t love me anymore. Things are peaceful in our home but my mind is a battlefield. How do I do away with my insecurities and distrust? I want advice on how to heal what’s broken.

 

—Rockson

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