I saw his toothbrush and since then everything hasn’t been the same between us. We’ve been dating for the past five months. I told him I wanted to take things slowly and he understood me. He’s a nice-looking guy with a heart of a loving boyfriend. I liked him very much until I saw his toothbrush.

I went to his place for the first time and used his washroom. There was only one toothbrush in a holder. It looked worn out with some of the bristles coming off. Bristles holding on to their base are bent outward, like the fufu pestle. This toothbrush can pass for the one our ancestors used.

I couldn’t keep quiet so I asked if that was his brush and he said yes. I was like, “Really, isn’t it about time you changed it?” He asked me, “Is my teeth rotten?” I shook my head while thinking about all the times I’d kissed him. “I’ve been kissing a guy who uses an ancestral toothbrush?” Instantly, my mouth welled up with saliva.

I got him a new one. He laughed at me. he said I was overacting. “It’s a toothbrush. It still does the work so why are you making it look like an abomination?” I said, “Use this one and throw that one away. It doesn’t befit your status. A fine guy like you can’t be using this toothbrush.”

He didn’t throw it away. He continues using it. He tells me he has been using it for so long his teeth have gotten used to it. “The one you bought me is so hard it hurts my gum. I can’t use it,” he said

What I bought him wasn’t hard but he had been using the Rock of Ages toothbrush for so long it has lost its stiffness so every brush will seem hard. I don’t kiss him again. The last time he tried I told him I couldn’t kiss a lip that entertains ancestral toothbrush. He said I’m blowing things out of proportion. To be honest, I want to blow it out of every proportion by walking out of the relationship.

I love love but I love the kind of love that’s responsible and takes hygiene seriously. Any love that holds on to a dying toothbrush is not worth it. This kind of love will hold on to your wrongs and use them against you just the way he’s using the toothbrush against its will.

—Gillian 

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