Growing up, I always felt different. This has nothing to do with the way I look or the way my mind works. It’s all about my spiritual life. I always knew I was deeply connected to the spiritual world. I felt it deeply in my spirit, and I saw it in dreams too.
This is one of the reasons I wasn’t one of those things who easily followed the crowd. The things my mates did and felt completely fine; I could never do them. My conscience wouldn’t let me rest if I tried to. So I have always been the kind of girl you would describe as Miss Goody Two Shoes.
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I obeyed rules all the time just to avoid dealing with the burden of guilt. Apart from that, I didn’t want to make Jesus unhappy. I was very prayerful so it mattered to me that I go to God with a clear conscience.
When I got to high school, I didn’t depart from the godly. The pressure to succumb to peer pressure at that age was quite strong but I did not fall for it. I faced a lot of spiritual adversaries as well. I often had dreams—vivid ones—of fighting demons and casting out spirits. Still, I stayed the course.
No matter what I did, the goal was to please God. And I was so sure of my ability to stay in the will of God until life tested me. I found myself falling head over heels in love with a man who is not a Christian.
Can you imagine the mental agony I went through? Every step of the way I would hear the words of scripture in my heart. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” I knew these words by heart and had often said it to people. So when I found myself in a relationship with a man outside the Christian faith, my own conscience replayed these words to me like a broken record.
Despite all the internal admonishing, I didn’t leave. Rather, I kept telling myself, “I love him. And God believes in love so it’s okay. Our love will carry us through.”
At the beginning of the relationship, we agreed to abstain from intimacy until marriage. However, as the relationship progressed, we got intimate along the line. This weighed heavily on my conscience. My prayer life took a hit. I just felt too guilty and too sinful to talk to God.
Sometimes too, I got disturbing dreams whenever we did it. When the burden became too much for me to carry, I started turning him away. That was the beginning of our end.
He didn’t understand me when I explained that having sex stagnated my spiritual life. Nobody seemed to understand. Even I wished I was like other girls. I envied how freely they felt being with men, even to the point of dating multiple partners. Especially when my boyfriend and I fought a lot about my refusal to get intimate with him.
He even got forceful because of this. He hit me a few times too. Despite all of it, I stayed hoping he would change back to how he used to be at the beginning, but that didn’t happen. Eventually, I had to choose myself and leave.
After that relationship, I was determined to stay on the straight and narrow path. Then I met this young man. He ticked most of my boxes. The only problem I have with him is that he is not spiritual. Whenever he visits and I’m praying, he prefers that I stop and attend to him. Although he calls himself a Christian, I see no godliness in him.
I promised myself I wouldn’t get intimate with him but it has happened three times. Every time we do it, the weight of guilt on my spirit becomes unbearable. The last time it happened, I couldn’t sleep for days. I had just completed a one-month fast, only to throw it away for five minutes of pleasure. I felt like I had failed myself.
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This is how I know this relationship is not right for me. I crave a godly man—a man who will help me in my quest to please God. I should be with someone whose values align with mine. Someone who will wait until marriage. But it appears I keep picking the wrong guys.
When I told my boyfriend that I would like to wait until marriage, he didn’t understand. We plan to marry before the year ends, so he asks me, “Why should we wait now if the marriage is happening soon?” Now I am stuck between pleasing a man and standing firm in my faith. I am ready to let him go if he won’t understand me. Nonetheless, I keep wondering, what if I don’t find anyone better after him?
What do I do?
—Ruby
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If you marry him out of desperation you will end up resenting him. Let him go and look for someone whose values align with yoursm
I agree.
U better marry him, since the marriage will be before the end of this yr,is this how u will go about sharing yourself with different men all in the name of relationship. Ur attitude and prayers can make him as Godly as u want.
Hello my dear
This is the first time I’m ever commenting.
I believe you’re going about things the wrong way. If you meet a man whose values don’t align with your non-negotiable values; the first thing is to discontinue getting to know him. When the heart gets involved it’s harder to see well so while you’re talking and you see issues just step back.
Men know what they want and stand on it and I believe you should too. Just because he is a Christian does not mean he will be a good fit; there are Christians who believe in tithing and some who don’t, can you imagine how they would find a middle ground if two such Christians marry ? If he does not believe in abstinence and you do and it is non-negotiable for you, you have no business dating him.
Secondly, I realized you keep talking about visions and dreams but what about the Holy Scriptures ? I’ve realized that sometimes people who are very prophetically inclined rely on their experiences but actually you’re meant to rely on God’s Word more than your visions and dreams. That’s how you even test those supernatural experiences.
Furthermore , go to God and confess your sins and open up to someone who you trust and loves you and will keep you accountable. Please it should be a woman NOT a man. That is the only way to deal with sexual sins. You have to expose it to the light or else it will keep happening.
Finally God loves you, the day you gave your life to Christ you become righteousness. I know you don’t feel like that right now but that is what the Word of God says. The Lord said He is faithful to forgive and He really does forgive. Do you really believe a man who is compromising your faith is the best you can do and the best God will give to you? I don’t believe so. People will say pray for him to change but I promise you taking on a spiritual burden into your marriage is stressful. A marriage can only be as good as the two people in it; and as a woman you know that the man will lead the home. If he can’t join you now in spiritual areas he probably won’t either in marriage. There’s so much I want to say but at the end of the day please know God has empowered you will all grace to overcome this. Please pay attention to the Word of God and decide to believe what He says there. I love you my sister in Christ and God loves you infinitely more. Check out I AM series by Pastor Enoch on YouTube or any podcast. I don’t attend that church but I recently listened to the whole series and I think it is what you need to hear.
Trust me, it can only get better. When you have chosen to honour God with your body and wait on Him for your God-given spouse, the latter will be far better than the former.