Love and I have always been on opposite sides of the universe. You would think I offended the goddess of love in my past life, and I am being punished in this life to experience a series of unrequited love. Right from my late teens, love has eluded me until this point when I am almost thirty. It doesn’t help matters that I don’t like people easily. After a breakup, it would take over two years before I meet someone I like in the slightest.
Interestingly, the people I tend to like don’t like me back. It’s not as if I am not a catch. I believe I have the qualities any great guy who is looking for a woman to share his life with would be attracted to. However, I don’t meet those kind of men. I only end up meeting men who are not looking to settle down. This has happened so many times that I have accepted that there must be something terribly wrong with me.
While I struggled with all the difficulties I faced on my journey to find the one, I met a man last year. This man does not fall under the category of men I usually like. In fact, if I wanted to be myself, I wouldn’t have said anything to him beyond hello. He had unkempt dreadlocks, tattoos, and bulging muscles. I was raised to run the other way when I see men like him. But there was something about this particular guy that made me give him an audience.
I expected him to be rowdy like the way I was told men who look like him usually are. However, he is very calm. That’s one thing I like very much about him. A while into our friendship, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him, “I am beginning to like you too but I can’t date you because of your hair. I wouldn’t be able to take you home. I also happen to have a problem with the job you do as a gym coach.”
He promised me, “As for the hair, I can easily cut it for you.” I was surprised when he actually cut his three-year-old hair to prove that he is serious about me. I liked him and the hair was gone, so I decided to overlook his job and accept him.
I was hoping that we would talk about his job and he would find another path with time. Howbeit, he doesn’t seem interested in pursuing another path. It isn’t that I have anything against him being a fitness coach. My problem has to do with his income. He is not even able to survive on what he earns. So how can he make a meaningful life for himself? How will he take care of me when we get married? Scratch that. He won’t even be able to afford to perform the marriage rites.
I’m a public servant so I earn enough to get by. I even end up supporting my boyfriend financially most of the time. This is why I keep talking to him about doing something that would fetch him more money. Honestly, this is not the kind of relationship I want. At least, if my boyfriend won’t give me anything, I shouldn’t have to spend money on him. I believe in two people nurturing each other to grow in every aspect of their lives. But I am in a situation where I am the only one doing the nurturing.
Every time I ask him, “So what are your plans for the future?” He would get defensive and say things like, “Why won’t you give me a break? You are always attacking me because you don’t like my job. Meanwhile, you say you love me.” I tell him I mean well but he never understands me so we end up arguing.
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For a girl who doesn’t like people easily, I’ve come to like him very much. When I think about my future, he is in it. I wouldn’t mind getting married to him if only he wasn’t very far from financial independence. I am even more worried that things will not get better soon.
Leaving him seems like a very easy way out and he knows it. He knows he hasn’t done right by me as a boyfriend and he doesn’t seem to want to change things. When I complain, we end up fighting so I have stopped. I am just watching him for now.
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The question on my mind is, who will I be leaving him for? If I had another man showing interest in me, I would have been long gone. But I have no one so am I going to leave him and be single for how long again before I meet someone? Or should I continue to stay with him till he’s able to get a plan for his life and things become better for him? It would be easier if he was actively doing something to change things. I don’t know what to do. I am just sharing my story because I need someone to hear me out and tell me I am not wrong for feeling this way.
—Aba
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#SB
Aba,you are not wrong for feeling that way.Every responsible lady who wants to settle down will think same.This guy doesnot think about the future ooo.He is very myopic.I will advise you to cut him off.Its not as if you have not tried to make him see reasons to act up.Cut him off
My dear come to Jesus and he will give you rest… you can’t do it with your strength
I think you can try helping him get more clients for his work. Being a gym coach is something he clearly loves, making someone ditch what they love can be hard sometimes. Frankly, I don’t think what he does is bad as most people who know how to position themselves in that market, make it big.
You can both research into ways of making it more lucrative. Have a social media channel where you both work out and draw people into your story. Write articles on diet plans etc to make him an authority on the subject. In sum, make his job more attractive to get him more clients. If u can, recommend him to some coworkers looking to shed some weight and get him busy and earning more.
Hope this helps!
He is your man, you love him and he loves you too, sit him and gently convince him to understand You. Also tell him, you want to be a wife and a mother and his job sometimes cannot cater for both. Show him more love by looking for a very lucrative job for him more like what’s is doing now.. I think some years to he will understand You better