I have a wife but my ex-girlfriend plagues my thoughts. No, it is not what you think. I am just genuinely concerned for her well-being. I wish there was a way I could guide her to find a husband so she wouldn’t be alone. Something tells me that without the right guidance, Abena would remain single till Jesus comes. Now, this is why I believe what I am saying.

I met Abena on social media many years ago. She is beautiful and she has an engaging personality. I was hooked on her before I even got the chance to meet her in person. We never run out of things to talk about. I would bring up any topic at all, and she would be able to engage me in a discussion. She is funny, intelligent, and witty. Our attraction to each other was palpable. And we were both single so we said, “We should get together and see if we can be more than friends.”

Although it was a mutual agreement for us to date, I am a traditional man so I am the one who proposed love to her. And I was happy when she said yes. I laughed and told myself, “I have found Mrs Right and she is so perfect for me.” Yes, Abena was perfect for me but she was not perfect. I also have my flaws. And together we had some twists and turns in the relationship. We fought and disagreed on certain things but at the end of the day, our love always prevailed.

After two years of love and differences, we encountered a mountain we could not conquer. I don’t even remember the details of what happened but this misunderstanding was strong enough to break the bond we shared. The damage to our relationship was not something we could recover from, so we went our separate ways. The breakup was painful for me. And if anything she felt for me was real, then it must have been heartbreaking for her as well.

It has been a decade since things ended between us. During this period I have gotten married and started a family. While Abena remains unmarried. As someone who used to date her, I understand why she wouldn’t get a husband. She has a certain worldview that makes her bossy. She doesn’t believe that a man has to be the head of the home. She says certain things and behaves in a manner that bruises a man’s ego. And I know that nine out of ten men would be put off by her behaviour.

Us men, we have egos. Naturally, we like to be in charge. And in my experience, homes that have men as the head tend to be peaceful homes. But Abena doesn’t believe that. She talks as if she would rub shoulders with her husband. This attitude drove a lot of men away from her until I came along. I am the only one who could date her for two years. So I believe no one could stay with her after I left because of this same attitude.

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I never thought I would ever talk to her again but she reached out to me recently. She said, “Ronald, I know we haven’t spoken in ages so forgive me for going straight to the point instead of exchanging pleasantries first. I need a favour.” She needed help with something and she asked me. I didn’t want to turn her down because of our past together so I helped her. During our interactions, I noticed that she had grown a little and there are some changes in her behaviour. However, she is still bossy. I know that life helps us to learn as we grow so the fact that she hasn’t learned much makes me believe that she doesn’t know there is something wrong with the way she relates with men.

I believe that if only Abena can shut her mouth when she is angry, or if only she can guide her tongue against some arrogant utterances, she would be married in no time. On her best days, any man would love her. She is charismatic, loving, and very supportive. Which man wouldn’t want these attributes in their wife? The only thing standing in her way to a happily-ever-after is her lack of submissiveness.

What Was Your Response When An Ex Wanted To Come Back?

She is aging. She needs to find a man who will marry her so they can start a family before her biological clock runs out. This is why I am concerned. And this is why I want to step into the situation and guide her. I know that her attitude and worldview cannot change overnight, so the sooner I start counseling her to change, the better it will be for her.

Now my concern is, she might not take it well when I approach her with this. So I need the right strategies on how to handle this issue without getting on her bad side. How do I get her to understand that I want to help her so that she will accept my guidance? Please help me help a sister.

–Ronald

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