I think I am in the same dilemma as the man who lost his first love because of distance and excuses. In my case, he has been on my case for a chance for the longest time. Now I am wondering if I should give him the chance or continue pulling his legs. I do not know if it is because I am almost clocking 30 and marriage is knocking loudly, or if it is just one of those sweet romantic situationships that end in nothing.

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There are two men on the battlefield. Eric and Samuel.

I met Eric on Snapchat this year in March. We started talking, then moved to WhatsApp where everything got intense. Later in May, I told him to leave me alone because I was in a relationship. He kept pressuring me to choose, and eventually I chose my then boyfriend. My then boyfriend left me in September and Eric came back into the picture. We picked up from where we left off and things have been good. No drama. He is calm, friendly and funny. Sometimes he makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

The biggest problem between us is intimacy. I have been on a celibacy journey because I cannot afford to add a child to my problems. Someone might say protect yourself, but condoms break and contraceptives fail. And beyond that, I am trying to uphold my faith. Not long ago he asked when I would be ready to settle down and I told him I need to be free from something I am dealing with. It will take about 36 months. I also want to settle in marriage when I know we will live under the same roof. He is in Manchester. I am in London. The sex issue and the early settling down have turned our daily conversations into a war zone. He wants something I do not want. I want something we cannot agree on. No middle line.

Now let me talk about Samuel. The man of the show.

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I met Samuel in 2015 when I was in senior high school. From the day I met him until now, I have never given him proper attention. He comes with his “I like you” and disappears again. We have been on and off for years. We can go many years without speaking. In 2015 after school, we did not talk again until 2019 when I ran into him in Cape Coast. He was an uncle visiting his nephew. We chatted by the school gate and then disappeared again until this year. He found me on Facebook, and we exchanged numbers. This man still claims he loves me. He says I am the only woman who will complete him as a man. He has been on my case again with “let me love you and treat you well, I will treat you like a queen.”

I am afraid that if I accept him now, he will play me. Maybe as payback for the years of hide and seek. In July, he came to London for a project and we hung out. I could see how happy he was, like a child with a balloon. The love was written on his face and joy filled his laughter.

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Recently he told me he has given himself up to December. If I do not accept him by then, he will stop pursuing me. I told him about my military problem that will take three years and my issue with intimacy. His answer touched my heart. He said, “Do you know I have never asked for that thing since I met you? I just want your love. I want you to love me and let me treat you like a queen. I want to marry you next year and relocate you to Canada.” He reminded me that he never touched me or even asked for a kiss when we met at the hotel. I said yes I remember.

I asked if we can be there for three years and then settle down. He said it is too long. He is only willing to wait until next year.

Now I am confused. I feel like I might lose good men because of the situation I am in. I do not know who to choose, what to prioritise or whether to pause everything and breathe.

Advise me. What should I do?

—Joan

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