I work part-time with an NGO that is into girl child education. Because of this, I meet a lot of people from all walks of life. Some of these people later become my friends, which is not a bad thing. But I happen to have a very jealous boyfriend, so it tends to cause problems between us. The other day, for instance, we were working to help a young married woman to get into nursing school. So, I had to reach out to my contact on the vetting panel at one of the nursing training colleges. His name is Fred, and he is someone who became an acquaintance over the time we have worked together. 

Now, the other night my boyfriend came over to spend the night with me. As I indicated earlier, he is a very jealous person. He also happens to have anger issues, which bleed into every aspect of my life; our relationship, my professional life, and my social life. I have spoken about it several times and in moments when he is sober, he tells me, “I know that I have a problem. Please be patient with me as I work on it.” Anyway, the morning after Kwame slept over, Fred called me to talk about how we could help the young married woman. We spoke for about twenty minutes, and by the time we were done my boyfriend was in a foul mood. I knew it had to do with my phone call but I ignored him.  

He had to go to a wedding so he got ready for me to drop him off. The entire time, he tried to appear calm, but I realized he was seething beneath the surface. Before he left for the wedding he asked me, “Do you have a nose mask?” I told him, “The ones I have are all used ones.” And he insisted that I give him one of them. I told him it wasn’t hygienic so we would get some at the church to buy. Our ride to the church was as sombre as a funeral procession, but I still didn’t worry my head over him. Then we got to the church and realized no one was selling nose masks there. His anger surfaced immediately and started complaining that it would have been better if he wore my used nose mask, than for him to go to the wedding without wearing any. Then he stormed away and headed toward the service. 

Coincidentally, Fred had also come for that same wedding and was at the gate. When he saw me, he walked toward me and bypassed Kwame along the way. We were having a conversation when Kwame turned around, saw us, and walked angrily toward us. He didn’t even greet Fred when he got to us. He just shoved a cedi note into my hand and said, “Go and buy me a nose mask.” I felt embarrassed but I didn’t want him to cause a scene so I took the money and left to buy the nose mask. I was angry by the time I got back so I left for the house.  

READ MORE: My Husband Had A Kid With Someone Else So I Got My Kids With Someone Else Too (Part 2)

After the wedding, he came to my house and tried to act as if all was right with the world. I was still angry at his behaviour so I ignored him. He asked what was wrong, and I told him; “You behaved very uncouthly today at the church. The way you stormed angrily toward me when you saw me talking to my friend was awful. Then you made it worse by not acknowledging my friend and demanded I go and buy you a nose mask as if I was your servant. Must you allow your bad temper and jealousy to always control you?” In response he got angry; “Your friend saw me first when we walked by each other but he didn’t greet me. He was rather in a hurry to talk to my woman.” I told him he could have at least called me aside to express his anger privately, and he shouted; “Don’t tell me what to do.” “This isn’t something I should tell you to do. It’s just basic manners.” I retorted.

By the time the argument was over, we were both very angry. He said I insulted him. I also don’t understand why he thinks his behaviour was right. To be very clear, Fred and I are very cool friends but he has never in any way suggested that he likes me, nor do I like him. Our conversations are mostly formal, and Kwame knows this. Yet, he just couldn’t help himself. The fact that I spoke to Fred for twenty minutes, and later run into him at the church was enough to set free the beast in Kwame. The worst thing is, this isn’t the first time he has done this. He always embarrasses me when he sees me talking to men. They could be friends, work colleagues, or even relatives he doesn’t know. I have been patient with him, expecting that he will change but it doesn’t seem to be happening.  

Now he is telling me to go and date someone with manners if I think he is so uncouth. Honestly, at this point, I am considering breaking up with him. Will I be wrong to do that? Please advise me.  

— Lamisi

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