I Want To Break Up With Him Because Of How He Sees Women In General

I noticed it the first time we went out together. The waitress got our orders wrong. She brought us a drink we didn’t request and later brought us a bill that was not meant for us. When the waitress turned away he said, “Women and their silly ways of forgetting important stuff. How could you forget an order we placed a few minutes ago?” I tried to correct him, “It’s not a ‘women’ behaviour to forget. Maybe she’s having a bad day. It happens often and it happens to the best of us.” He only chuckled. When we were about to leave and the waitress brought us the wrong bill, he got pissed off. I didn’t like the way he talked to the waitress. It was like he was trying to show the lady who’s the boss. He talked down at her and played back all the wrongs the lady had done in the night. Even when the waitress was apologizing he kept going. 

I held his hand trying to draw his attention to the fact that he was going overboard. When the waitress left he made another sexist snide; “I don’t know why women always want to play the victim. You saw how she was behaving? As if I was the one who made the mistake.” 

I started seeing red flags but I told myself, “He could be having a rough day too. I’ve known him for over two months and he had never treated me badly. It might be a one-off thing.” 

This is a man who calls me every morning and asks about my night. When I tell him I had a rough night, he would go mellow and try his best just to cheer me up. He would say things like, “My queen shouldn’t have a bad night.” He’ll buy me gifts just because I had a bad night. I’m not a child. I’ve been in relationships before and I know how men are overly nice when they want you. I tagged his behaviour as one of those but even after I’d said yes to him, he kept going on that tangent. He would call me with different endearment and shower me with love at any given opportunity. It looks like he reads my mind and gives me exactly what I need. 

When it comes to other women, this man changes totally. His perceptions about women are always off. To him, everything wrong is a woman. We were watching a movie and the villain was a woman. All of a sudden, all women became villains. When the character does something wrong, he would tell me, “Women? Not not not.” Even when a man is clearly wrong in the movie, he would try his best to make it sound like it was the fault of the woman that made the man behave that way. 

Each time he does that, I bring his attention to the fact that it’s not a ‘woman’ problem but rather a human problem. “All women can’t behave like that. You live with one so you should know this.” Instead of him seeing the truth in what I’m saying, he would rather take it as a woman supporting women. He has called me a feminist before. He has called me Yaa Asantewaa before. What else did he call me the other time? I’ve forgotten but I know you know what I mean. 

I followed him to a bank one day. There was one teller on duty. The line was moving very slowly. He was getting angry. The teller was a woman. He made those crazy remarks about women being so slow and the only thing they could be fast about it is when they have to cry. Another teller walked in. He was a man. My guy made a quick switch to the male teller’s side. As his side moved slowly, the lady’s side moved faster. He could have made another switch to the lady’s side to get served but he kept standing in the queue until the lady left her cubicle. I wanted to understand him. Is it a matter of special hatred for women or he had had an experience with women that makes him think the way he does? 

In the car going home, I asked him those questions. He said it’s general knowledge that women are like that and more. I continued saying not all women and also those behaviours were in men too. I try my best not to speak louder to make it look like an argument but in the end, he labelled me as a feminist or Yaa Asantewaa just to end the conversation. I have never been comfortable with his stands when it comes to women in general. Sometimes I feel he only respects me when I’m with him but immediately we depart, he brushed me under the door mat where he keeps all women. 

He has this attitude of looking down on women drivers. If the driver ahead of him drives carelessly, he’ll insult the driver just like all drivers usually do and later say, “I won’t be surprised if it’s a woman.” Sometimes he’ll drive faster to overtake the driver who drove carelessly and if indeed she was a woman, he’ll turn to me and say, “Ahhh, didn’t I say it? It’s only a woman who’ll make such a silly turn or drive this carelessly.” 

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It’s the recent encounter that pushed me to share this story because I’m very confused. I feel like I’m making a mistake being with a man who doesn’t respect women and as time goes on, he’ll turn the gun of disrespect on me and fire. We were stuck in heavy traffic because there was an intersection ahead. Every driver was pushing to drive through because there was no one there directing the traffic. There was a driver in front of us. If you look at how he/she was driving, there was this fearful care in it. He/she didn’t want to enter the intersection and get scratched or something so he/she was very slow. Most drivers would cut in front and drive away. My boyfriend was angry and kept honking. Even the drivers behind us were honking to express their displeasure. My boyfriend said, “It’s only a woman who will drive like this. What kind of silly driving is that?” 

Slowly we left the traffic and he drove very fast just to catch a glimpse of who the driver was. It was a man who was driving like that. I started laughing. I felt this warm feeling of victory knowing that I was right, it wasn’t a ‘woman’ behaviour but my boyfriend said, “This guy might have learned driving from a woman. If it’s not his wife who taught him how to drive then it will be his grandma.”

Honestly, I was hurt. Very hurt. So I asked, “It means in your eyes, a woman can’t get it right, right? Everything wrong is a woman, right? Is that how you see me but coveting up because you think I’ll be hurt when I get to know?” He answered, “There’s no need to bring your feminist argument into this. Women drivers are like that and everyone knows it. I’m not disrespecting women. I’m only stating the fact.” I asked, “Will you give me your car to drive knowing women are headless when it comes to driving?” He answered, “You’re different. If I teach you how to drive, you won’t drive like a woman.”

I Didn’t Marry You To Become A Baby-Making Machine—Beads Media

I’ve been thinking about this for days. I want to walk away from the relationship because the future with him won’t be fun. How can I spend my life with a man who sees me as a symbol of everything bad? But he’s sweet to me. We’ve done seven months together and his attitude towards me hasn’t changed much. He still opens doors for me. He pulls seats for me to sit. He puts me first because women first. If he had wax wings, he would still fly to the sun for me but that is now. What about the future when we settle in together? Is he not going to treat me the way he thinks all women deserve to be treated? 

Don’t say I should have a conversation with him because I’ve done that severally. Don’t say I should sit him down and have a deeper conversation with him because we’ve sat, slept, and stood to have deeper conversations but he still sees what he wants to see about women. Would it be premature to walk away?