Our wedding is very close. When I say close I mean very close but I’m already thinking twice about the turn of events.
He wanted to marry me last two years when I had no job. I declined and told him I would love to do something for myself first. God being so good, I landed a job that was everything I prayed for. He came to me again asking us to get married. Again I said no, “At least, let me work and save something first.”
He didn’t like the idea. He thought I was using delay tactics so I could marry another man. I assured him of my undying love and put in a lot of effort to assuage his fears. This year, right from January he started fixing dates and telling me it was non-negotiable. I accepted whatever he said.
We met my people, did the knocking, got the list and started buying the things on the list. He took three months to get everything. I was even teasing him that he was really in a hurry to carry me home.
Then came the hour when we had to come together to plan the wedding. My man told me, “You’re going to take the cost of everything that has to do with you so I also take the cost of things that have to do with me.”
This is what he meant…
#1. I’m going to buy my own gown.
#2. I’m going to buy my own ring.
#3. I’m going to pay for the decor.
#4. I’m going to pay for the cost of food and drinks for the traditional wedding since they are coming to my house.
#5. I’ll pay for the music they’ll play during the traditional wedding.
I asked, “You’re joking right? When did you cease to be the man? The future head in whose name we are getting married?”
He told me he had already spent so much getting the items on the list and a lot would also go into the wedding reception and he’s going to take all that. It’s therefore fair for me to take all the things he had listed. When I argued he told me, “But you’re working now. What are you going to do with the money you said you were saving?”
All Four Side Chicks Have To Come Together To Cause His Arrest
He doesn’t want to change his stand. To me, it’s a waving red flag so I want to back out of the wedding. In our last conversation, he made it very clear to me that he was the man so I had to listen to him. He knows what he’s doing and he knows the results he’s seeking to get so I should keep calm and do as he says.
That’s alright but I’m not going to do that. I would rather do what my heart tells me and follow the path my head is directing me and take a bow before it’s too late. Do you think I’m making a good decision? I have only a few weeks to decide. Please help.
— Edna
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I have a lot of questions. What items were on the list and how much did it cost??
It could be that it was way above his budget. I believe it’s not right for you to buy your own ring and gown.
Now, that being said, why can’t you guys spend within your budget? Why are people so obsessed with ‘white’ wedding when the traditional one is equally accepted?
If you guys have the money to explode, that’s fine. If you’re on a budget, plan and cut down COST!
I think this groom is 90% right for the list he has given the lady to pay, people are coming to your home, take care of their refreshments. Mind you, not only those two items are needed for the traditional marriage.
Your father must dress you to present you to the man your going to marry therefore the gown. The man say his vow and offer a ring as a seal. The lady should not expect the man to buy ring to seal the lady’s vow. If she cannot afford it, it is fine for the man to help. Ladies are found of how the duplicated marriage rite which is the white wedding looks like. A lot goes into that. If the guy asked the lady to take the deco knowing she can afford, what is wrong with that? Madam, if you’re not interested in the marriage, shift and don’t go and break anybody’s son’s neck
Try to have another talk with him and if he still tries to do that ‘I am the man, so do what I say’ back out. Marriage is about compromise.
My dear, what do you intend to help, what was the financial burden did you discuss to shoulder. Couldn’t you have suggested to buy him his suit and his ring in the long round he would’ve bought your for you. Can’t you shoulder foods and decor. Sometimes we let ego sets in and we miss our destiny. Sweetheart all that men toil for are for the wife and children let us willingly support them build an empire for us. What will happen if you support dis program or better still do the traditional marriage and register later on and rule out the church one
This society we are living in, I don’t understand why Men money is for all but a lady’s money is for only her.
Is high time we debunk that notion, things are expensive now so will your name change if you help him a little.
So what are you using the money you’ve saved for, come on dear.
Marriage is all about compromise. Your man has said nothing wrong. He just didn’t say it well. He has spent all most all He has on the list .what he has left is reserved for what he can afford. Please understand him and meet him in the middle .Marriage is all about team work. Please don’t force him to do something that will bring problems into your marriage. Marriage is all about support. Hold him up when he is falling, be his strength in his noment of weakness. Do what is within your reach.Never do things to please the masses. All that matters is you are married. No one will know you supported your man with the wedding expenses if you don’t go about telling others. You doing it will benefit you all. Someone will even go to the extent of giving money to the man to make it look like he has catered for all the expenses. 3y3 enimuoyam hy3 kraa. You kraa you really know if he had enough money he won’t even tell you to add a dime. But s3 compromise any3 adwuma de3 then out it is because you are not doing him a favour neither is he.
Edna, your mental health is important. If you think he’s controlling, please back out.
2. If you’re both serious about getting married and love each other, then cut down on the cost.
3. It’s appropriate that you support with some of the items, BUT he must be willing to share that cost too.
4. I always tell ladies to pay for their own wedding outfits and accessories. Pay for some refreshments because YOU are receiving visitors to your home. Don’t let him carry all that burden.
5. Even if he’s richer, prove supportive.
6. From what you said it looks like he’s gonna be dependent on your finances too with compulsion. It has to be a mutual agreement.
Men are slave to women hmmm!
Please marriage is a teamwork, try to support him dear.
Cancel the wedding, end the relationship. Return everything he has gifted you this year and fly, please don’t run, fly.
These days my dear, these things happen. Women support men with Marital expenses all the time. From the list your husband to be has given you, decor is not a must. You want an elaborate decor, you pay more. If you won’t want 4to pay through your teeth in decor, get something simple. It will still work. Buying your gown isn’t out of place. A lot of women do it. Your ring, now that one I will not buy. Absolutely not. I won’t.
Yes for the traditional marriage, they are coming to your home, so you must feed them. You see if your man has the man’s and can sponsor everything, that’s fine. But if he doesn’t, supporting with certain things isn’t a big deal. But you both should discuss it. You can take items off the list and replace with ones that would be budget friendly for both of you. When it comes or finances in marriage, “I am the man so what I say must stand” doesn’t work. Both must communicate well and reach a favorable compromise. Your man went about it the wrong way. Draw his attention to that and discuss it properly. If he still isn’t open to any changes and adjustments, well , decide what will give your heart peace.
You need to sit him down and plan a moderate wedding.
He’s asking you to pay for the customary rites, the gown and ring must be bought by the man not you
you can support him on other duties not this. If he refuses to understand you, then it’s better you back out. This can be a red flag
Hmmm,I suggest you cancel the marriage, but before that sit with him and talk to him again about what he said if he still insists that how he wants it please walk away.
Buying your own ring de3 aden are you marrying yourself? Where did you hear this from. Later it will be used against you when things go south. He’s a crimson red flag 🚩. It’s funny how some people are shouting support him here and there. My sister in law’s husband stood in front of the whole family to say she was the one who married him just because she supported him with the buying of her own ring clothes and accessories he said she married herself. He is currently married to another lady and guess what? His new wife didn’t contribute a dime to their wedding he didn’t allow her. Don’t marry yourself.
Please reconsider marrying this man. I think that her major problem is not supporting him, but the fact that he’s 🐝 pushing for them to get married since she was a student. If she had agreed to marry him then, would he have asked her to pay for her wedding gown, ring and traditional wedding? There’s nothing wrong with asking your fiancée to support your wedding, but the way that he’s going about it is wrong. She’s not desperate
Exactly my sister. He’s dragging her into it only to leave her in the middle of nowhere. He doesn’t have a good mindset.
Please run and run or for a better word, flee
My dear don’t marry him. It’s not bad to support your partner when it comes to the marriage ceremony and all but he’s not supposed to impose anything on you. Why didn’t he discuss all that with you before the preparations began? Who would’ve paid for all those things if he had married you the time you weren’t working? Don’t let him force you to do anything of that sort because you’ll forever regret it. Not regret supporting him but regret marrying such a man. He thinks he’s doing you a favour. Cut him loose because all those convincing you to stay will not be there when you’re suffocating in that marriage.
I’m advising you as a sister and I won’t advice my sister to make such a decision.