He started acting out of character so I became concerned. I asked what the problem was but he said everything was fine. I knew him enough to know that something had changed. Seeing as he was denying it, I decided to go through his phone. The things I saw in his chat broke my heart and my trust.
He was chatting with a lady. And their conversations were sexual. It was obvious they were having an affair. This made me angry. So I confronted him. Instead of him to admit that what he was doing was wrong, he got defensive. For the first time since we got married, he insulted me. It didn’t end there. He slapped me. To this day, I am still surprised he did that.
Things went downhill after that. He started treating me like someone he couldn’t stand. He refused to eat my food. He barely talked to me. And he moved to the kids’ room. He would go out and come back very late in the night. Sometimes he would travel for days on end without telling me where he was going or when he was going to return. If I asked him about it, it would turn into a fight so I also kept quiet and minded my business.
He no longer hid his phone calls with the lady from me. He would sit comfortably in my presence and talk to her. I began to lose confidence in myself because of this. I lost weight drastically, and it also affected my productivity at work. My heart was constantly heavy. The pain of his neglect was just so overwhelming. I remember how I used to cry myself to sleep every night. One day my son saw me crying, hugged me, and said; “Mummy, stop crying. Everything will be fine.”
This went on for months. All my attempts to resolve whatever was wrong with our marriage fell on deaf ears. So one day I sat him down and told him, “I think we should spend some time away from each other. It will help us rethink our marriage and when we are ready, we can sit down and solve our problems.” He didn’t agree with me so I asked him, “Then tell me what I have done that is so wrong that you’ve gone to find solace in the arms of another woman.” I was also ready to tell him what he was doing that I didn’t like but my husband refused to see reason.
It was as if the devil had entered him. That day he threatened me; “If you step foot outside this house, make sure you don’t come back again.” “If you don’t want me to leave then talk to me and let’s resolve our problems here and now. You have no idea how badly your actions are affecting me psychologically. This is why I need some time away to breathe. My heart breaks every day I watch you treat me like a thorn in your flesh,” I implored him. He didn’t agree to talk things out so I packed my stuff and left.
True to his words he prevented me from coming back home after I was away for a month. Another month came and he still wouldn’t let me return home. Months turned to a year, and a year has turned into five years. Yes, it’s been five years since we’ve been separated. Every attempt at reconciliation by both families has been met with deaf ears by my husband.
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The most painful aspect of all this is that for the sake of peace, and for my children to grow up in a home with both parents, I chose to apologize to him on countless occasions as if I were the one who broke our marriage vows and neglected my spouse. Upon all this, he is still not ready for the marriage to work. I still love him but I believe the time has come for me to cut my losses and move on.
I have told my family that I am ready to let the marriage go but they keep telling me to be patient. They believe he may change his mind soon so I should give him more time. It’s been five years already. It doesn’t bring me comfort that whenever he gets the chance he tells me, “If you are waiting for me to come back to you then you will wait till eternity.” What is the hope that he would ever change his mind?
What One Lesson Did You Learn From Your Dad?
I am still young. And I have a stable job. Besides, I just graduated last year with my master’s degree and I believe that although I have three kids, I can still get a man to love me again.
I have decided to return his drink to his family with or without my family’s support. Please, am I making the right decision?
—Joyce
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You are making the best decision on your life. Focus on making yourself better and never take him back once you leave. Forgive him in your heart but do not think of going back to that toxic marriage. I don’t know you but you seem beautiful inside out. The world needs women like you and trust me your better half is somewhere waiting for you.
You’ve been away from your matrimonial home for five years against your husband’s word and you expect me to believe its your husbands fault. Are you kidding me? So this is what he gets after getting you your masters? If you had not gone out of the house when he asked you not to, There would’ve been a little hope of mending things.
Dont know who is fool!shly advising you but let me make you aware that there are younger ladies who have no child, two masters and doing better in terms of their career yet, cant get a husband.
You’re deceiving yourself if you think your career and masters automatically guarantee you a husband you can walk over
I will be f00l to accept your filthy, dirty ass back if I were your husband.
The annoying part is, after destroying your marriage, you’re now going to disturb another woman’ home by being a side chick to their husband.
Bufusem!
Did you even read the story, she is a good woman to have waited for that long.
Return his drink, focus on yourself and the kids, forget about getting involved with another man, focus on your kids.
You deserve better. He will surely realized his mistakes after the girl he thinks he has found has used and dump him.
You are making the best decision. You have tried despite him been at fault. If he has opened his month to tell you u hv to wait eternity fir him den he does love you and not ready to give u guys a chance so the best decision is wat u have taken. Love will find u again. All the best. ❤️
Did you read the entire story or just the ending before posting your comment? Please don’t go spreading your ignorance for the world to see. Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to be silent and when to speak. This occasion dictated you stick to the former
Please read the story again wai
The Lady had been away for a month just to take care of her mental health and it turned into years. If you really know how it feels like to be handling mental health issues,you wouldn’t be saying what you’re saying
If the man was that reasonable, he would have gone to search for her
I don’t really make comments on this page, but am touched with this story. When it started you should have at least made his family aware of the situation at hand. So both family can come and solve the problem. But I think you have to move on and find someone who will cherish you and take you as you are. There are still more good people out there . Besides you still young. Go find your love ok. Don’t let his behavior affect your whole being. You deserve love.
Joyce.
You see all those telling you to move on and that love will find you and all those mental health n0n$en$e, Let me tell you the hard truth, their deceiving you.
Permit me to break it down for you!
1.You said youre young, that’s cool but do you come without baggage? Negative!
You actually come along with 3. No reasonable, good and wise man will be willing to invest in you for the long term in terms of marriage when there are women your age who come with no baggage.
2. You have masters. Thats awesome!
Again permit me to bring to your notice that no good, wise and loving man goes round looking for a woman with masters to marry, its only a man with ulterior motive(s) who does that.
However , Every man wants a woman who listens to him and has good character of you which you lack because your marriage went down due to lack of it.
So here we are, your masters does not bring anything to the table.
3. You have a good career, thats really motivating but …
Again let me get you clear that no good man will be willing to have you for keep no matter your income because you already have 3 children and even if you have to choose who to support with your income between your children and him, its obvious you will choose your children
So here we are again, your career is actually bringing nothing to him but all to your children.
So why will any reasonable man do long term with you? The short term will be men who want to use you and damp you.
4. You will be divorced,
Again get closer to any divorced woman you know and let them tell you the stigma that comes with being called a divorcee
A divorcee with 3 children, even if youre 18 years old, you’re an OLD woman.
There’s nothing out there for you except spontaneous disappointments, pain and regrets.
If there is anything you can do to secure your marriage(which I doubt), do it
Hectare dear, you are always harsh in your comments. You project things that the writers never said and you make sure to insult them and demean them. But I have news for you, You are not God and there are responsible men who marry women with kids as high as any number. To you she is an old lady but he who wants her and cherishes her will accept her. Your opinion is just a drop in the ocean.
And with how you have always spoken here, If I were Joyce your opinion will be blotted out.
Also she wanting to move on does not necessarily mean marriage. Just the feeling of not been tied to a heavy log going nowhere does the magic.
You are the type of people who think women should shut up and suffer. The man never did anything right? Some concerns were raised, what do you have to say about that?
Hectare when passing comment, don’t make general statement like “all men”. It’s your opinion not all men please.
Joyce you’ve gone through a lot but
If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.
No one has the right to judge you, because no one knows what you’ve been through. We read your story, but didn’t feel what you felt in your heart while going through all that.
The only person to decide is you.