Growing up I had scars all over my body. I don’t know how they came about. It might have been in the food I ate as a child or the water I bathed in. All I remember is how they made me feel. I felt inadequate especially when I saw other girls with flawless skin. It didn’t help matters that my JHS classmates and teachers made fun of me because of it. I thought I was ugly and no one would love me.

My classmates had boyfriends and I wished I had a boyfriend too. Sadly, the only time boys paid any attention to me was when they were bullying me and teasing me about the scars on my skin. I became resentful toward boys. I kept to myself and never tried to socialize with anyone in my class. This went on till I completed JHS and went to SHS.

On my first day at SHS, I locked eyes with a certain boy and it changed everything. The gaze got so intense that I whispered to my sister, “I think I like that boy.” She smiled and said, “Well, then go and talk to him.” I walked over to him and said hello. That was the beginning of our friendship. His name is Cosmos. He liked me just like I liked him.

We took our time to nurture our friendship until we got to know each other very well. When he later proposed, I said yes immediately. No time to waste.

I didn’t know it was possible for me to love anyone until I loved him. He was from a poor home and sometimes couldn’t afford to pay his school fees. I didn’t want him to miss school so I used my school fees to pay his. He was a day student and I was a boarder but I gave him the provisions my parents bought me for school. Sometimes I would fake sickness and sign exeat only to end up in his house. That was around 2011. We were young and very sure that our love would last forever.

Cosmos also started making comments about my scars. It wasn’t exactly the things he said but the way he said them that made me uncomfortable. I felt he couldn’t look past my scars. This made me particularly conscious of my body. Somewhere in 2015 Cosmos called me and said, “I think we’ve outgrown each other. We should break up and move on with our lives.”

“What do you mean? I asked. Where is this coming from?” He answered, “I have realized how disrespectful you are and I can no longer put up with it.” I tried resolving whatever the issue was but he wouldn’t listen to me. I got broken. I couldn’t get out of my room for three days. I couldn’t eat nor sleep. All I did was cry. On the fourth day, I gathered strength and pulled myself together. “I’m still young. I will someday find another man, scars or no scars.”

A few months after Cosmos I met a Nigerian called Preye on Facebook. We met in person for the first time at lunch. I liked what I saw and presumed he liked what he saw too. Days later, he proposed and I said yes. He was older than I was so I was cautious not to get too attached. I was also concerned that he would be put off by my scars. I started working on my scars so I don’t lose another man because of it.

I mix honey with milk and apply it to the scar. I tried it every day for a few minutes before I took my bath. Soon, I started seeing results. It was slow but you could see improvement. Every little improvement restored a little of my confidence. After 3 months of being together, we had sex and that was when things started falling apart.

He wouldn’t call me until I called him. He wouldn’t text till I texted first. We’d get into a fight and break up. I would apologize to him and get back together. Instead of happiness, I was always crying. I didn’t understand why he changed right after sex.  “Maybe it’s the scars, I believe.” They were fading but still visible. I thought of doing something radical to get rid of them. I resorted to bleaching. I felt if I bleached my skin, the scars would completely fade and maybe his cruelty would stop. I was wrong. I held on for 6 years but I still lost him.

Slowly, my scars faded. There were little traces of them here and there but it was ok.

Paa Joe came along. It was obvious right from the start that he wanted sex. I should have run away but I stayed, believing that my scar-less skin could help hold him down. But the whole relationship became like a playground for shuperu. He’ll only call when he wants intimacy. He wouldn’t check on me or anything. One day I asked him, “You say you love me but your actions say something different. Be honest. Do you really love me?”

He said, “Actually, I am not looking for anything serious right now.”

I wanted something serious but I still stayed with him. I later found out that he had a girlfriend but that didn’t deter me. I hang with him until I grew sense and walked away.

Just recently I met a man who is going through a divorce. He expressed interest in me and I said no. He started throwing promises at me, “I will set up a business for you. If it’s school you want to go, I will sponsor you. I want to add value to you.”

That is all I want in a partner, someone who is interested in my growth. He was in the UK when I said yes to him. He promised me heaven on earth but right after I said yes to him he said, “I don’t like women who make it a job to make request unnecessary things from their men. I would wish you don’t ask. I will rather provide.”

Not long afterward, he came to Ghana. Unfortunately for me, I lost my job the very day he arrived in the country. I went out with him and his friends and we later spent the night together. To be honest, I felt at peace in his arms. The next day I told him, “I lost my job. I think now is the time for us to talk about the business you said you’ll set up for me.” He found a clever way to change the subject.

READ ALSO: Is It A Curse When You Attract Only Married Men?

He never gave me anything, until he traveled back to the UK. He didn’t even tell me when he was leaving. He only texted me when he got to the UK. He said, “I’m sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye. Something urgent came up.” I was disappointed but I handled it the best way I can.

Before his next visit to Ghana, he asked, “What do you want me to get for you?” I answered, “Perfumes will be nice.” He said, “That’s not enough so I will add other things that will get you excited.

He arrived in Ghana with zero gifts for me. I didn’t bother to ask why. I brought up the issue of the business he said he would set up for me and he told me, “Gather some money and let me top-up.” That wasn’t the initial agreement. He promised to buy stuff for my room and he never did. It feels like I am dating a politician. All he does is talk big, no actions.

I want to break up with him. I am tired. All I do is give my heart to men who don’t value it. I got rid of my scars thinking that was the problem. The scars are now gone but nothing is changed. I still feel unloved ad underappreciated. I’m beginning to believe there is something unlovable about me or maybe true love is a myth.

—Patience

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

 

Photo: African model photo created by cookie_studio – www.freepik.com