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My wife wasn’t like that from the beginning. She was a different woman when we were dating. She bought me gifts and gave me surprises on my birthday. When we decided to get married, this girl contributed in a way I didn’t expect. She bought a lot of the things on the list and told me to concentrate on the bigger issues. I remember at some point I ran out of money and told her about it. It was unexpected but she came through for me.

So before marriage, I had the impression that I’m taking a whole package home; a woman who is beautiful, smart and also knows what it takes to partner up with her man to build a dream. Right after marriage, things started changing. It wasn’t drastic but it was fast enough to be noticed. Whatever we needed in the house was on me. She would come to me for the little things such as money for salt. I remember arguing with her one day and asking her what changed. She told me, “That should tell you that it’s not intentional. If I had the money, I would have used it to support you. I don’t have it. How can I spend what I don’t have? When I had money you saw it.”

I believed her because I’d seen her pay for things she didn’t need to pay for before so I gave it some time. I gave it time to see if there would be a day when she would have money and support me. That day never came so she kept relying on me for everything. When she was pregnant and was visiting antenatal, she asked for lorry fare. If I didn’t give her and she paid for it herself, she found another way to take it from me. One day I asked her that age-old question. That question men have never found answers to; “What do you do with your money? You go to work just as I go to work. I bring what I earn to the table. I’m not asking you to do the same thing but at least support me with something small.”

Her answer was, “Do you think everything we eat in this house comes from the meagre chop money you give me? Go to the market and see if your money can buy half of the things I bring home. Don’t assume that everything comes from you. I support in my own small way but you don’t see it.” Well, you can’t argue with a woman and win. She won but I knew she was lying.

It was our dream to buy a piece of land and start a building project as soon as possible. We were on the market for so long looking for a safe land we could invest in. We didn’t want to buy land today and tomorrow start ligation on it so we were cautious. Last two years, a very good friend of mine was selling his land and told me about it. The land was in a very good place, and the price was beyond what we budgeted, but he was ready to accept half payment, so we spread the rest. He’s a friend and was ready to give us a good deal since he also needed the money. 

I told my wife about it and her first statement was, “That’s not the budget we agreed to spend on land. The fact that it’s available doesn’t mean we should buy it by all means.” I said, “This is from a friend. It’s safe and it’s in a good place. We have to pay half, get the papers processed and spread the rest.” Her conclusion was, “I don’t have money at this moment and I’m not ready to go into a deal that would be hanging over my head for the rest of my life. Let it go. We’ll get another one soon.”

She didn’t give me a kobo and because I couldn’t raise the money all by myself, we lost the land. To date, anytime I think about that lost opportunity, it hurts me at places I didn’t know exist. To make issues worse, we haven’t been able to own any piece of land to date.

A year ago, my wife started having mood swings. Little things got her angry and even started shouting at our little baby. My wife won’t support you with her money, that I knew but mood swings? That was new to me. She could be silent all day and suddenly give out a huge sigh. She was thinking a lot and I was looking at her. Sometimes she won’t cook. You’ll ask why and she would get angry. Petty, petty things got on her nerves. One dawn I was awake and couldn’t sleep. I thought she was sleeping so I lay there thinking about silly things when suddenly she gave out a loud sigh. I said, “You’re not sleeping? What is wrong with you? You’ve changed in this couple of weeks. Are you going through hard times? Let’s talk about it.”

She said, “Please leave me alone. Do you want to tell me that you’re happy the way we are? If you don’t think then I’m thinking about how to make our life better than this. Yes, we look okay but that’s not the dream. I want something better than this.” I asked, “So what exactly are you thinking about? What do you intend to do? Let’s discuss as the team we were meant to be.” She turned over and ignored my suggestion. I did all I could as a husband to get her to talk but my wife brushed me aside. Her mood swings continued unabated but since she wasn’t going to talk about it, I left her alone.

Recently, a friend called me. He was like, “Have you seen what’s going on social media? Eiii your wife has money ooo. No wonder you don’t complain these days.” I was lost. I asked, “What are you talking about? Is my wife displaying money on social media?” He said, “Oh you haven’t seen the screenshots? Wait let me send it to you.” He sent the screenshot to me. My wife had posted on a women’s group on Facebook that someone was owing her a certain amount. I looked at the amount and thought I couldn’t see it well. I had to look at it again and look carefully at where the comma was placed before the rest of the zeros. I was like, “No this can’t be true. My wife can’t have this amount. No. Never! 

READ ALSO: I Want To Marry A Rich Man, Am I Asking For Too Much?

I looked at the guy she said was owing her and he looked familiar. “Wait, wait, is that not her ex? I looked at the name again and it clicked. I don’t want to go into details, lest I give her away and I don’t want to make things worse than it already is right now but the shock I went through, only God knows. I sent the screenshot to her and said, “When you come home you’ll explain to me how this happened.” She responded immediately, “So you saw this on social media and you believed it? They were doing it and I decided to do it for fun. Do you believe I have this money? How much do I earn to have this kind of money?” 

I didn’t respond. A few minutes later, she sent another message; “So you believe this? You surprised me a lot. Then it means you don’t know the kind of woman you’re living with.” I didn’t respond. A few minutes later, she sent another message; “Why are you not talking? You read my messages but don’t respond, why? You’ve already formed your opinions, right?” I didn’t talk.

She came home with a frown face as if to tell me she wasn’t ready to talk to me. I waited until our baby was well catered for and was watching TV. I said, “Now talk. You had that much but the best person to give to was your ex? Or you thought I won’t remember him?” She jerked and went mute for a while. She said, “I’ve told you already. All my life I haven’t seen such an amount in my account. How can I give what I don’t have? They were doing it so I did it too. It was just for fun.” “Having fun with the name and photos of your ex? Do you honestly think what you’re saying is believable? If you tell me the truth, It will end here but if you decide to drag it, I will drag it with you and you won’t like where it ends.”

Currently, we don’t talk. We sleep apart but we do what we have to do for our child. I’m still thinking of what next to do. I don’t want to invite known faces into this issue. I want to calm my head and know what next step to take before I take any action. I know my wife. She is very stubborn. She might not tell me the truth and when I decide to drag it, she’ll hold the end of the robe and drag it with me. I need patience and God’s grace to get her to tell me the truth. Everything coincides with her mood swings and that change I found in her but she still insists she did it for fun. The way my heart is swinging inside my chest and my mind is travelling far and wide, I don’t believe we would survive this storm when all this is over.      

— Sir

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