When it comes to relationships, I had only one goal; To end up marrying the first person I date. I made that resolution when I was young. Part of the reason came from my background as a Christian and the other part came from all the drama I witnessed from friends who were in a relationship. They had heartaches—many of them. I was the shoulder they cried on and I was the voice they listened to during their hard times. 

Then I had a crush on Adam. The kind of crush that makes you start dreaming of a future with someone who isn’t aware of your feelings for them. Adam didn’t know my feelings for him. To him, I was just a friend but to me, I’ve already built our future. Of course, that didn’t go anywhere. It ended up being just a crush and nothing more.

At 22, I entered my first relationship. He was Yaw, a guy I met in church. I did not like him that much, at least not the conventional way a girl would want to like the first boyfriend. I agreed to date him because he was a cool guy. I thought I could fall deeply in love with him as the days went by but I later saw through his motives. It wasn’t a good one so I called it quit. He didn’t love me like he made me believed. He came into my life only because he wanted to prove a point. He wanted to prove to his friends that he was capable of winning my love, even though I came across as a hard nut. 

Then our pastor’s son came along. He never wasted any opportunity to let me know how he felt about me. I told him, “Kwame, you have a girlfriend. We can’t have anything going between us. The best we can have is friendship. We can’t date.” He agreed but he never stopped pursuing me. He could be that stubborn. Conversations with him flowed beautifully. He had a way of spinning words and spewing thought-provoking stuff. I loved talking to him. Soon, he became someone I couldn’t ’t do without because of the way he cared for me and lifted me up with his words and actions. I started opening up to him, breaking down my defenses for him. Slowly I was falling in love with him. 

We were counting the church offering one Sunday when he proposed to me. The last proposal was three years ago and I thought he had given up on me long ago. So I asked him the same question I asked him the very first time he proposed to me; “If you want me that much then why are you still with Yaa? What are you doing with her?” He said, “My parents don’t approve of our relationship and again, that girl has an attitude that makes it very hard to fight for her. I’m getting older and need to settle down as soon as possible.”  I responded, “ Just give me some time to think about it.” 

He went into full boyfriend mode after our conversation, pushing me to the limit to accept his proposal. I must admit, I was also falling in love with him but the fact that the girlfriend was still in his life was a dealbreaker for me. So I told him,  “I don’t want to continue talking to you. Having you close each day is clouding my judgment. You still have your girlfriend. Deal with her. I don’t want any drama. We can be friends but I don’t want us to continue talking the way we always do.” 

It looked like what I said got her feelings hurt. He hung up that day and never called again. Not even a simple text message. I missed him but I needed to stay strong so I didn’t call him again. Four months later, he sent a text; “I’ve completed my master’s program and I thought I should tell you.” Seeing his name appear on my phone unlocked every emotion I had stacked away and I could not deny how much I missed him and wanted to be with him. Every boundary I spent the last 4 months building came crashing down. I called him. I congratulated him. I apologized for abandoning him. 

I allowed myself to fall for him while feeling guilty about loving a man who already had a girlfriend. A month or so later, He told me he and his girlfriend are over. That gave me space to fully express myself in the relationship I was building with him. We met his parents. They were very happy about our relationship. At long last, their son had brought someone who fit the Christian script they’ve written for their son.  

I had my real first kiss with him. One day, when no one was watching, I gave myself to him and he took it all with both hands.  His ex lingered. I started getting uncomfortable. When I complained, he asked me to trust him. Just when I started believing in his assurance, he told me,  “Akua, my ex is telling me she’s pregnant for me.” “How is that possible?” I asked. “How old is the pregnancy? How can it be you when both of you are no longer together?” I asked a lot of questions. He couldn’t answer. He said, “She is used to pulling such pranks. It could one of her games. Let’s not worry too much for now.” Our relationship was only four months old when he told me about the pregnancy. 

READ ALSO: How His Mother and Baby-Mama Connived to Destroy Our Wedding

I kept throwing questions at him demanding to know the full truth but he wasn’t saying anything to me. I asked him, “Were you still with her after you told me you guys were no longer together?” He answered, “That’s not relevant right now.” 

He asked me to keep my mouth shut about the whole pregnancy thing and not tell anyone. I couldn’t. I confided in my mom two days later. My mom told my dad about it and they asked me to walk out of the relationship. I did. I avoided him like a plague. He called one day and when I picked up he asked “So, you’ve broken up with me right?” I didn’t know the kind of answer he was expecting. 

When his father came to know about the extent of the issue, he demoted him from his deacon position. He blamed everyone for his fall but himself. The devil took his share of the blame, his ex also took his share. He needed someone to talk to often and I became that someone. Regardless of whatever he told me, I wanted to know one simple truth; Whether he was still seeing the ex when we were together. After persuading him for what felt like centuries, he finally opened up. He blamed the girl just like Adam blamed eve; “It was the girl who seduced me to have an affair with her while with you.”

That day was the end game for us. I deleted everything of him I have on my phone and finally decided to move on for good.  I cried my heart out, knowing I had been deceived.  He called the next day saying how much he needed me and how he was dying to see me. I was done playing his fool. I moved on. 

I am turning 26 soon. Am I worried about me not being able to get a life partner? Absolutely not. I am resting in my confidence in God that His glory will be manifested in my life at the right time. 

—AKUA

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.