I was sixteen when I completed SHS in 2013. Although I was mostly the youngest among my colleagues, I was not easily influenced by what everyone was doing. Some of them had boyfriends they were sleeping with. A few tried to encourage me to follow in their footsteps but I wasn’t ready to date or get involved with a boy so I kept to myself. By the time I completed school, I had never had a boyfriend or had shuperu. It took a lot of self-discipline, considering the pressure I faced in school.
After school, I returned to my hometown to help my mum at her shop. One day I was at the shop when my friend Adwoa came to me. She was excited about something. I didn’t have to ask her to talk before she started, “You won’t believe what I have to say to you.” I smiled, “What’s the gossip this time around?” She shook her head, “This one is not gossip. I have been asked to deliver a message to you. A very handsome friend of mine who is a fire officer is head over heels in love with you. No, you’ve not met him yet but he knows you. He has been watching you from afar but now he wants to show his face.”
For the first time in my life, I found the prospect of having a boyfriend interesting. And the way Adwoa spoke of this secret admirer of mine made him sound like a catch. I was curious to know him so I decided to meet him.
My friend arranged for him to come and see me at the shop, and he did. We had a deep conversation about our lives and our hopes and aspirations. “I am just starting out in life so I don’t have money to offer you,” he said, “But I promise to love you in the purest way possible. You won’t regret giving me a chance.” Truly, he sounded sincere. I could see his heart on his sleeve. I figured it was time to give myself a chance at love.
Right from the beginning of our relationship, he introduced me to his co-workers. It made me feel special and very important. I purposed in my heart that I would be deserving of his love and trust. So it never bothered me that he was always broke. He explained that he was newly recruited so he only received partial payment of his salary. “Out of the little I receive, I send GHC300 to my mother back home. Sometimes I don’t even have enough left to feed myself through the month,” he lamented.
As his woman, I saw it as my responsibility to stand by my man and assist him financially. I did my best to provide for some of his needs. Every move I made, I thought only of his well-being. Soon enough he started gaining flesh in places that used to be hollow and bony. The hungry look in his eyes was replaced with a look of contentment. Even his complexion became lighter than it was when I first met him. I was happy that my presence had touched his life and made him bouncy.
What I didn’t like about him was his persistent demand for shuperu. I was a church girl. A choir leader to be precise. The only fleshy pleasure I indulged in was going to the beach. I had a favourite spot I liked to hide at. Apart from that, all I knew was church and God. So how could he expect me to eagerly drop my knickers for him? Every time he brought up the topic I would shut him down. Sometimes we would even argue about it.
This went on until he started following me to church. I bought him his first Bible. I expected him to be transformed by the word of God but his desire to fornicate was stronger than anything. “As you can see, I am also a Christian. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have needs. If God didn’t want me to satisfy these needs he wouldn’t have put them in me.” I found his argument annoying but he wouldn’t stop. He kept badgering me until I gave in to his demands.
After taking my virginity he changed. He started getting angry easily. He complained about every little thing I did. These were the same things I did in the past that he never had problems with. I tried to talk to him about whatever was going on but he didn’t have time to listen to me.
One morning, he told me he was going home for a family meeting. I had a friend who was his co-worker so I called him and I complained to him about his friend’s behaviour. To my utter shock, he told me my boyfriend just had a baby. “That’s why he has changed toward you.” I didn’t even know how to react to the news. I just swallowed my rage and graciously thanked my friend for giving me the news. I called my boyfriend in the evening and asked him about the baby, and he shouted; “Who is spreading lies about me? Don’t listen to anyone. I will come and see you when I return.”
I was sitting at my favourite spot at the beach when he came to see me. He knelt and started begging, “Please forgive me for all the ways I was dishonest with you. The GHC300 monthly contribution was not for my mother. It was for my pregnant woman. My frequent visit to the house was not to see my mother either. It was also to see my pregnant girlfriend.” All I could say was, “Eeeiii, so you had a woman in your life and you came to show interest in me, spent my money, and took my virginity?” Words cannot describe the pain I felt. My heart ached as fat drops of tears rolled down my cheeks. That day I gathered all my strength and slapped him, and then told him to go and be with his woman.
My excitement about having a man who loved me turned into a stabbing pain in my chest. During the day I was functional, but at night I wept like a baby. I was in so much pain. I lost weight to the point where my mother became concerned and asked questions. I couldn’t have told her that a boy broke my heart. So I just kept quiet and went through my pain alone.
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Later, Adwoa told me that they went for his baby’s naming ceremony and his engagement ceremony. She said they had an accident on the way but no one got hurt. I told her, “I don’t want to hear anything from you concerning this guy. Keep your information to yourself, I didn’t send you anywhere.” I became the talk of the town for a while. I was the girl who got jilted by the fire officer. Not only did this guy break my heart but he gave me a bad reputation as well.
Thankfully, I gained admission to the university in 2015 and left town. I got the chance to start over, but sometimes I would think about my past and feel its pain all over again.
#MyFirstRelationship
—PN
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