At the beginning of this year, I started a relationship with a woman I really liked. When you like someone it shows in the way you treat them. You care about their well-being and do your best to protect their feelings. I won’t lie, I treated this lady with the same consideration.

Before we began the relationship, I was open to her about my feelings. I also asked her, “Did you agree to date me only because I proposed or you said yes because you want to be with me?” She looked at me as if I was strange and said, “Why would I want to be with you if I was not interested in you?” This told me that her feelings for me were true.

From the start, everything was fine. We didn’t argue or even have a single quarrel. I went out of my way to be kind and thoughtful toward her. One thing I liked about her was she reciprocated my energy. If I showed her how much I cared, she let me feel her love in double measure.

I don’t know what changed. She started detaching from me. First, she would ignore my messages. Then it moved to phone calls. This whole thing had me concerned. When I asked if everything was fine she said yes. I knew it wasn’t true but what could I have done? In the end, I just decided to stay back and let her come around on her own terms.

When she finally decided to talk she told me, “Don’t be obsessed with me. If not if something happens between us, you will be hurt.” I didn’t expect to hear a thing like that from my girlfriend. “What does that even mean?” I asked her. When she didn’t respond I asked again, “Is it possible for two people to be together and not be deeply attached to each other?”

She just dismissed me and acted as if I should take what she said without asking questions.
Everything about her behavior felt off but I didn’t have proof of anything. I had two options. I could either obsess over it and make unfounded accusations or I could decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. That’s what I did. I chose to be patient and observe her.

Then in October she texted me out of the blue and asked, “Will you be okay if we take a break?” I said in my head, “Okay things are unravelling. Let’s see where it goes.” But I said to her, “I am fine with whatever you decide.”

Before the conversation ended I asked her a lot of questions. I wanted to understand why she needed a break. She couldn’t give me any clear answers.
I believe that breaks in relationships are only necessary when things are toxic, but in our case, I wasn’t doing anything to make her uncomfortable.

So I didn’t understand why she would want a break. I started thinking a lot. I prepared myself mentally for anything else she might come up with.

As far as I was concerned, she wanted a breakup but she didn’t know how to say it so she suggested a break instead.

Despite everything going on, I was the first to wish her a happy birthday on her birthday. I went on to carefully pick out gifts for her as well. When my birthday arrived, she gave me nothing. She didn’t even remember it was my birthday.

It was late in the night when she texted me, “Happy Birthday dear. Sorry for the late wish, but if Siri hadn’t reminded me it was your birthday I would have forgotten.” It was not necessary for her to tell me that but she did. And it hurt deeply.

What made things worse was when a male friend of hers celebrated his birthday. She posted five pictures of him on her status, showered him with heartfelt compliments, and wrote an entire essay about how much he meant to her.

At that point, everything started making sense.
From that day, I was always the one initiating conversations. When I did, her replies were brief enough to communicate that she was not interested in talking to me. Sometimes, she would take days, even a week, to respond to my texts.

Yesterday, I couldn’t take it anymore. I pressured her to tell me the truth about what was going on. At first, she insisted everything was fine. I told her it wasn’t. I asked her if she even understood how someone in a relationship was supposed to act.

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I was completely shattered when she finally said, “I’ve tried everything to hold on but I am not feeling it. Things just aren’t working out between us.” Huh?What did she mean?

How could she say things were not working? We never argued. I gave her my best. I was sure I always made an effort to make her feel special. So what else could I have done?

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The painful part is that if I hadn’t confronted her, she would have kept me in the dark and continued stringing me along. While I thought I was in a relationship, I was dating myself.

I don’t have a choice but to let her go but I am so sad about the whole thing. This is someone I was attached to. I gave her so much of myself but look at me now. I am here wondering if she ever cared at all.

— Besah

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