My husband is the generous type. He takes great pride in taking good care of his family. Me and our three children are his joy. That’s something he doesn’t hide from anyone who cares to know. He would talk about us to almost anyone he comes across. People even make jokes that my husband wears his role as a husband like a name tag. You would know he is a married man within five minutes of talking to him.
His job as a trailer driver takes him away from home for a fair amount of time. We’ve been married for eight years but I know he is always excited to come home to me. When he is on the road he calls me every chance he gets. He would tell me, “My c*ck misses you. I can’t wait to see you again.” Even if he is only been away for two days, he would say this. It’s not just words; the moment he gets home he would come running to make love to me.
If you see the two of us around the house you would think we are newlyweds. When I am cooking, he is in the kitchen chatting with me. That’s one thing we have in common, great conversations. We sit together to eat and chat. After that, we make passionate love.
I was happily enjoying the peace in my marriage until an unknown number called to tell me, “Watch your husband carefully. There is a woman at his workplace trying to snatch him from you.” I smiled and said thank you but in my mind, I said, “If you knew how much my husband loves me, you wouldn’t call to tell me this.” I asked a lot of questions but the tipster was not willing to say more. This happened a year ago.
I trusted my husband but out of curiosity, I decided to look into the tip. I looked through his phone but the messages came out clean. I then checked his call log and discovered there was a particular lady he spoke to consistently. What could they be talking about so frequently? I placed a call recorder settings on his phone so I could listen to their conversations.
One day when he returned from work I took his phone and checked the recordings. Truly, he was involved with her. This same lady happened to be his ex-girlfriend. I didn’t confront him the moment I found out. I quietly tracked their conversations. Every day something new came up. I found out he rented a room for her, gave her pocket money regularly, and bought her expensive gifts.
Things took a horrible turn when he started talking to the lady about me. Whenever there was a misunderstanding or an issue between us he would call the lady and tell her everything. One time he even told her; “I wish I had married you instead of her.” Every time I came up in their conversations she would insult me anyhow, and my husband would quietly listen.
The recordings were informative but listening to them wrecked my heart. Sometimes I spent the whole day crying because of the things I heard. The painful part is nothing changed in our marriage while all this was going on. We would chat, eat, and even make love as though we were in our honeymoon phase. If not that I heard those conversations with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed it if someone told me my doting husband was acting miserable with another woman to the extent that lady would feel bad for him and insult me.
When I felt I had heard enough, I confronted him. I told him I was leaving the marriage. This man knelt before me and begged for forgiveness. He looked remorseful. I decided to forgive him believing that he had changed.
Truly, his interactions with the other lady ceased so I relaxed and found a way to enjoy my marriage again.
A few weeks ago, I found out he has started again. This new lady lives in Kumasi. He first told me she sells shoes, and that he would like to buy shoes from her for our kids. He even gave me her number so I could select the ones I wanted and negotiate the prices with her.
Later, he told me this same lady has a Mobile money shop, so he rests over there when he is tired sometimes. I didn’t think anything of it until he asked me to save some contacts on his phone for him. Out of curiosity, I decided to check his chats with this lady. That was when I found out she had asked him for money.
When I asked him “Why is the shoe seller asking you for money,” he shrugged and said, “I don’t even know. I was so shocked when she did that.” When you’ve been married to someone as long as I have been with this man, you would know when something is not adding up. To answer all the questions in my head, I reset the call recording on his phone.
Once again, I have found out there is something going on between him and this person too. There is nothing concrete but they talk about money a lot. She is always asking him for money and he sends it to her. When I asked him about it, he swore nothing is going on between them. He doesn’t know I know the truth.
What I don’t understand is why he is doing this. I am beautiful, educated, neat, caring, respectful, and a good wife to him. I don’t withhold myself from him so he can’t say he is sexually starved.
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If anything I would say the affair is changing him. He came home yesterday and didn’t even attempt to touch me. That was so unlike him. This is someone who calls to tell me he misses being inside me if he had been away for even a day. So why no touch after spending days on the road? I went to listen to the recording and found out that he met the shoe seller at Anwea Nkwanta where he delivered his goods, before coming home.
I keep asking myself if this means he stopped loving me. Did he ever love me to start with? Or is it that he no longer finds me attractive? I married young. I was twenty-two then. If I knew my marriage would turn out like this I wouldn’t have gone into it.
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I’m slowly running out of love for him. I wish I had somewhere to go. I would have left with my kids and never looked back. I’m hurting but when I discuss it with my parents they keep telling me it’s going to be ok so I should stay. I understand them because they have nothing to give me should I go to them. No house, no money, nothing. This means it’s best if I just stay.
There are times I feel I should cheat back to get even with my husband. But I can’t let another man look at my nakedness. So that won’t work. How do I heal while I am still in the marriage? Please help me, I feel myself breaking piece by piece.
— BB
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#SB
BB I don’t condone cheating. A man or woman can love you and still cheat .But that doesn’t mean he is out of love with you. Dont leave your marriage for someone else to take over. As long as he performs his roles as a good husband it’s enough. Why bother yourself setting a recording on his phone?. You will always end up hurting. Maybe he wants a listening ear which he is not getting from you. Sex deos not mean anything. You can have sex with someone and still not love the person. Scarcity is also important. You have to make yourself scarce. Don’t avail yourself to him all the time. I am not saying starve him but rather build a connection with him beyond sex . When he comes home you can give him a message instead of sex. You can watch football with him etc. Sometimes men want women who can connect with them intellectually, emotionally, psychologically and mentally. The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t be discourage he coming home means he has chosen you over the other women. Focus on your marriage and stop looking for problems. Sit down and have a chat with him calmly. If I were you I will remove the settings on his phone because it’s breeding problems between you guys Don’tforget to add prayersin all you do. Tell all your problems to Jesus. If you tell all your problems to man it will only breed problems.
Appreciation is also an important factor. Maybe you do not show enough Appreciation or you don’t show at all. That can also be a contributing factor to why some people cheat. Maybe the other woman shows more Appreciation so it draws your husband closer to her. It encourages him to do more and spend more time with her. When your husband does the bare minimum show Appreciation and if he deos more show it. If he doesn’t do anything let him know he is enough for you and you appreciate his effort,his love ,his care etc. Don’t forget to ask questions too.
Women say that a man’s love is not a pillow that you can always rest your head on. Brace yourself for some deep pain. But you could recover the relationship later, if you are capable of forgiveness. Cheating brings up one questions which is always hard to answer: why? If you want him to come back to you, then you need to be strong, not weak. Fighting will not help you.
As I always say, it only takes the fear of the LORD to stop a man from cheating. No matter how much a man loves his wife, there will be someone out there who tries to break into your marriage. At times it’s temptation and only few men with the fear of the Lord can resist this temptation.
you don’t need to break ur marriage or fight back physically, just introduce him to the kingdom of God and stay committed to the will of God. If he’s able to do that, he will understand the implications of adultery and stop this cheating.
As a woman just stay away from this, perform ur duties and keep fighting spiritually. Is not easy to have a loyalty husband. Even most men of God are not loyal
A series of spy apps were tried when I suspected my partner of infidelity, but none were useful, as they all required physical installation on my partner’s phone. I eventually resorted to using the services of a tech expert who granted me full access to my partner’s phone without needing physical possession of it. For similar excellent service, you can reach the tech expert at DcipherBlaze at gmail dot com.
It is how some of the commenters are indirectly blaming the woman for her husband’s cheating… she’s not appreciative enough how do you come to that conclusion…men will always defend the wrong doing of other men especially because they are doing same finding unnecessary excuses to cheat…let her decide to pay him back in his own coin and we’ll see how the tables will turn ….
It is how some of the commenters are indirectly blaming the woman for her husband’s cheating… she’s not appreciative enough how do you come to that conclusion I am very disappointed that it’s even coming from a fellow woman…men will always defend the wrong doing of other men especially because they are doing same finding unnecessary excuses to chea…let her decide to pay him back in his own coin and we’ll see how the tables will turn ….