Ali and I went to the same SHS. We studied the same program but we were never friends. We just passed by each other in school until we completed. Five years after we both completed university and were doing our national service, we got in touch on Facebook. I had just come out of a relationship, and I was feeling very broken. So I found Ali’s presence in my life comforting. He had this way about him that just made me want to talk to him all the time. Soon we became close friends, and we had nicknames for each other. He called me ‘little white bed’ and I called him ‘my nest’.
We started chatting in 2017 and we never met each other until 2020 when he asked me, “Will you be okay if I come and know where you live?” I said, “Yes, let me know when you are ready to come.” A week after that he was at my place. I found his company more enjoyable than I did on the phone. And from all indications, he enjoyed the visit too. The next week he visited me again, and again the week that followed. Needless to say that his visits became a weekly affair.
He took things a notch higher when he confessed, “You know that I am a man of few words, so this thing that I am about to tell you has been blossoming in my heart for quite some time now.” The way he was talking made me anxious so I chipped in, “What is it? Just say it already.” He smiled and responded, “Have a little patience my little white bird. Allow me to express my feelings for you at my own pace.” I was going to say something back but he said, “Yes, I have feelings for you. I am in love with you and I want you to be mine.” Immediately I said, “I love you too.” He was so happy, and so was I.
He tried to get intimate with me that day but I didn’t allow it. We just kissed and touched each other in not-so-intimate places. Another time when he visited me he tried to get intimate again but it just didn’t feel right so I didn’t allow it to go far. He started to complain that I didn’t love him, but I assured him that I did. And I did love him, there was just this little voice in my head that kept telling me not to have shuperu with him. So even though he did everything possible to prove that he loved me, I just couldn’t give myself to him. This got him frustrated to the point where he stopped visiting me.
I tried to keep the lines of communication open but during the covid-19 lockdown, he moved away from me gradually until we drifted apart. The only times I saw or heard from him were on Facebook or WhatsApp statuses. There was no official breakup but when things got to that point, I considered the relationship to be over. I was saddened by how things turned out because I had fallen in love with Ali and I thought he loved me just the same.
I tried to move on with my life but a little part of me held out hope that he would come back to me. And it happened that he texted me during Easter 2021. Honestly, I was happy he got in touch. I still loved him and I considered him a friend so I responded to his texts with warmth and pleasure. We got chatty and started acting lovey-dovey. He mostly called me on video calls and I enjoyed it very much. I was running a small business so he always called me CEO. He was also working with an organization that often sent him on trips. At the time we started talking again he was on a trip and was going to return soon. I had missed him so much that I always looked forward to his return.
Our relationship picked up from where it left off and I stopped calling him by his name. I only referred to him as ‘Boyfriend’, to which he responded ‘Girlfriend’. Every time we spoke I would tell him, “I love you,” and he would say, “I love you more.” Somewhere in April, he came to see me, and wow! I loved the man I saw. He visited me at my shop and we had a long chat. I remember that day I asked him, “Now that you are here, are you going to stay or are you going to ghost me again?” His response was, “I am definitely here to stay.”
I was so sure that he was the man for me so I believed everything he said. The first time he invited me to his house I did not hesitate to say yes. I stayed the night, and that small voice that held me back in the past was silent. So I gave it all to him that night. It was great and I felt I had arrived. Two weeks after that I was with him again. That night I had left for school when he came to my house. I thought he would leave but he waited for me outside in cold and mosquito-infested weather. We didn’t have plans to go to his house. We just planned to go on a date but the situation led me into his room. That night, I forgot to ask him to protect himself. After all, he was my nest. And I had my contraceptives so I believed I was safe. After that night, our love got sweeter and stronger.
Then I realized my period was delayed. A few days later, I took the test in my room, and hey, my Lydia Contraceptive had failed me. That dawn I sent the results to him and that was when I saw the real man behind the quiet gentle nest I knew. He said he wasn’t ready and that we should get rid of it. I asked him, “I am thirty-two years, how do you expect me to abort a pregnancy at this age? Besides, my pastor warned me against this very thing about a month ago.” He was emphatic that if I refuse to do it then he doesn’t care and truly he hasn’t cared.
READ MORE: How I Ended Up Becoming A Marriage Counsellor For My Boyfriend And His Wife
As I write this, I am in my second trimester. I am still waiting for him. I sit each day in tears waiting for him and he hasn’t shown up. The man who could stay in the cold to wait for me just so that he would take me to expensive restaurants for dinner hasn’t given me and my unborn child a sachet of water to drink since I got pregnant. My nest is gone and I’m left in the cold alone.
I do blame myself for not asking that he use a condom. He thinks I tricked him so I could hold him down and force him to marry me but I swear that was never my intention. If not for anything, he should at least pity his unborn child and take responsibility. My tears won’t stop flowing. I don’t know how to stop because I am emotionally and physically broken. This pregnancy is taking its toll on me. I just need him to tell me, that I can do it. I know ending my life isn’t an option but I don’t know if I can survive this. My urge to end it is stronger than my will to resist the temptation. Please I need some words of encouragement.
— Dede
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
#SB
My dear I’m sorry for everything but my little advice is forget about him and concentrate on your business and you unborn baby that’s your hope and happiness, I know you can you do it , second trimester which means you will get to third trimester very soon, I love you okay so do your parents and unborn baby does
Suicide is never an option. He will live and enjoy life while you rot in a grave. The best you can do for yourself, family and friends is to soldier on. He will be ashamed when he sees how much success you have chalked without his support. Stay Strong. There’s light at the end of the tunnel
My dear give birth to that blessing baby boy.
Get in touch with me at [email protected]
If u end your life now, u will go to hell.
God warned us against fornication and so fornication is a sin, what u must do now is to ask God for forgiveness and show u the way to go
Dear Poster,
You did nothing wrong. Do not harm yourself or the pregnancy. That child you are carrying today is your joy tomorrow. Forget about Ali and focus on yourself and your baby. For all you know he is even married but came to complete what he started. Forget about him. If he acknowledges his baby and takes responsibility fine, if he doesn’t move on with your life and your baby. The storm may rage against you today but you will laugh at the storm tomorrow. Many hugs to you. You will be fine and you will succeed.