The first day we went out on a date, she said, “Me I like food ooo. I hope it wouldn’t worry you?” Some women will tell you they like food but actually don’t eat much. They erroneously think their ‘too much’ is the world’s standard for ‘too much.’ They can eat something small and still think it’s too much because to them, that’s how they define too much. So, when she told me she likes food, I said, “Who doesn’t like food? We all eat so we can survive.” She nodded her head and said something like, “I’m happy you understand that.”
She was then not officially my girlfriend. I had gotten to the stage where I knew she was going to say yes to me. She’s beautiful. I’m not the one saying it. Everyone I’d introduced her to told me, “You have a very beautiful girlfriend. Keep her well.” She knows she’s beautiful but that hasn’t sunk into her head and that’s one thing I love about her. She’s down-to-earth, very social, and bonds easily with my friends. You’ll introduce someone to her right now and the next minute that person is her friend.
The first time she agreed to visit me, she said, “I hope there’s food in the house. If not, tell me, I will buy some stuff so we can cook when I come around.” I didn’t have anything in the house so I sent her money to buy whatever she thought could help make her stay delightful.
She came home with a lot of stuff—foodstuffs, drinks, and some petty snacks. Ten minutes after she got in she said, “Let’s cook something.” I was with her in the kitchen when she prepared two different stews, cooked rice, and later prepared banku. We both ate some of the rice at first. Two hours later, she asked me, “Are you not hungry?” I said, “I’m ok. I’m still full.” She went to the fridge, came with a drink and biscuit. A few minutes later, she was done. We continued watching the series and talking. She asked again, “Are you not hungry?” I said, “No, I’m fine.” She went to the kitchen and came back with a ball of banku and plenty of stew.
She kept eating and talking. It was around 5pm when I started feeling hungry. I told her, “I think I will eat now. I was getting up to go to the kitchen and serve myself when she said, “I’m here and you want to serve yourself? Relax let me bring you your food.” When she came back and I saw the food she brought, I said, “That’s too much? I can’t eat it alone.” She said, “That’s why I’m here to help.” I swear she ate more than me. What she said that day about liking food started to make sense. By the time she was leaving in the evening, we had no rice left, no drinks left. What was left was only one ball of banku.
When you love a woman, you love her despite her flaws so I never complained. Not that I had a lot to complain about, I didn’t. She was mostly forgiving and played her part as a girlfriend so well that I couldn’t help but love her more. The only issue was the food. So I started drawing her attention to it subtly. One day I said, “The way you eat, when you start growing fat we can’t carry you ooo.” She said, “Me? Grow fat? God created me very well. I can eat everything and remain the same size. Ever since we dated, have you seen a change in my size? That’s God’s miracle right there so allow me to enjoy.”
Then things started getting out of hand. There are certain things you can manage without problems but immediately it gets to the public, it becomes a huge problem. We attended a wedding together. A colleague at work got married and I decided to attend the wedding with her. They did a buffet reception. This girl got to the food table and decided to fetch a little bit of every food on the table. She ended up with a heap of food that she needed to walk slowly to prevent it from falling.
Everyone was looking at her but she wasn’t even shy. That day was the first time I got angry about the way she eats. I told her, “You could have taken something small so you can go again and fetch one more if you think you’re not satisfied.” She said, “What if I go back and it’s finished? Prevention is better than cure.” Whoever thought she was going to leave some of the food on the plate thought wrongly. This girl conquered the food and sat comfortably as if she hadn’t eaten anything.
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In the car going back home, I didn’t say a word. She tried talking to me but I kept my calm until we got home. She asked, “Are you angry about something?” I said, “You like food but can you not display it for the whole world to see it?” She said, “But I didn’t display anything. I just fetched my food and went to my table. How is that a display?” We kept going on and on until she said, “I’m sorry if it embarrassed you. It won’t happen again.”
I took her word for it. We attended another wedding together. I was busy with some friends so I didn’t sit with her but I was watching her when it got to the food part. She joined the queue, got served, and went to sit down. Minutes later I looked at her table and she was not there. I checked the queue and she was in the queue again. She got served and went to sit down. I went to her and whispered, “It’s one for everyone. Why did you have to go again?” That day, she got angry and left the reception without me.
You sit with her in trotro, she’ll buy yogurt, she’ll buy plantain chips, she’ll buy ‘bofrot.’ At every stop, she’ll buy something. She never gets tired when it comes to eating. As I said, she’s a good girl nonetheless. That’s why I don’t want to look at her eating abilities and draw a curtain on our relationship. I want this to work. I want a way I can talk to her so she understands that there’s something wrong with the way she craves food. I’ve discussed it with a female colleague in the office. She said, “She’s young, that’s why she doesn’t understand certain things. When she grows up she’ll understand the need to stop.”
She’s twenty-three and I don’t think twenty-three is too young to understand things like “Eating too much is wrong.” How should I approach the topic so that she wouldn’t get angry and build resistance?
–Ntim
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