I lost the father of my child after I had the baby. And life as a single mother has not been easy. It’s stressful financially. I have to work harder than I have ever worked in my life just to make sure that my son and I don’t starve. When it comes to having a love life too, it’s not easy. There was a time when I was scared that I would end up alone because I am considered a born-one.

One year after childbirth, I met Manu. I let my guard down around him because of how much he loves my son. Every time he came around us, he would play with my son as though he was his father. That’s how we became friends. And then later started dating.

By then I was selling second-hand clothes in a small container shop I had rented. I didn’t earn a lot of money but I was making enough money to provide for me and my baby’s needs. Regardless, Manu supported me. Last year in December, for instance, he gave me GHC1000 to add to my GHC2000 to buy new stock.

In return for his kindness, I take care of him the way a woman takes care of her man. I cook for him, wash his clothes, and even iron them before he comes for them. I used to buy him gifts every now and then. Despite all this, I never asked him for money.

As time went on, the owner of the container took her keys from me. She said she was going to start selling stuff in the shop. From that moment, things became difficult for me. I had gone for new stock so I didn’t have any money left to get around. I resorted to hawking the clothes but it was not as profitable as selling in the shop.

When I brought this to my man’s attention, he started giving me GHC300 at the end of every month. And it is that money I used to make dinner every evening throughout the entire month.

What I don’t understand right now is the sudden change in his behaviour. This guy now treats me anyhow. He calls me names and abuses me verbally. All of this started when communication between us became poor, and I complained. He tells me, “If you are not happy with what we have, I will break up with you so you go and look for the man who will give you everything you want.”

I always tell him, “That’s not how we started so why do you expect me to accept it? You are the type who calls and texts so if you are not talking to me, then who are you talking to?” The response he gave me was an ultimatum; “It is either I call you once during the day and come sleep at your end at night, or I call you several times during the day and you won’t see me at night. Choose one. Because I don’t understand you. Even if I go out and cheat, you are the only woman I spend my nights with. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

It’s been three months since this change happened, and our relationship has been on and off because of it. I am not able to chat and play with him anymore. I have become afraid of him. It’s mostly because every little inconvenience makes him angry. And when he gets angry, he wouldn’t call me for days. Sometimes he would tell me it’s over.

I have a soft heart, so when he breaks up with me I go crawling back. Even when I did absolutely nothing wrong, I would apologize and ask him to take me back. Gradually I am losing my self to this guy.

He has brainwashed me into believing that apart from him, I won’t get anyone to love me again. Because I have a child, I have accepted everything he told me about not finding love. And now he uses my neediness to manipulate me.

Recently, I got a new smaller container shop and resumed selling second-hand clothes. People bought on credit so I couldn’t get enough money to go for new stock. Luckily, I learned how to fix nails and wear makeup so I started using the shop for that. After three weeks, I started getting regular customers. Sometimes I get GHC50 at the end of the day. It was not much but it fed me and my son.

Manu told me, “I don’t want my woman working as a nail technician and makeup artist. Quit that job if you want me to stay with you.” He promised to give me money to invest in my second-hand clothing business.

I was scared of losing him so I closed the shop. It’s been a month now and he hasn’t given me the money he promised to invest in my clothing business. He would only give me GHC50 to use for three days. I sat him down last week and pleaded with him to give me the money he promised. This guy got angry and insulted me. “If I wasn’t in your life, wouldn’t you have survived?” I was just looking at his face when he told me that my son and I are so dependent on him that I cannot leave him.

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“If I leave you a million times, you will come and beg me to take you back a million times. I give you one month. You will be back.” After ranting, he left my place and didn’t call me the whole day.

It’s been a week and he still hasn’t called me. I have also not called him. I was deeply hurt by the words he unleashed on me. I don’t think I did anything to deserve that kind of treatment from him. I want to show him that I don’t need him. So I will either sell my TV and invest the money into second-hand clothing or I will go back to fixing nails and helping people wear makeup.

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I am sharing this story here because I went out the other morning, only to see him dropping off a lady he cheated on me with. So I asked myself, “Is that why he’s always busy with his phone but never talks to me? All those times he told me he was talking to his brother, it was this woman?”

I am tempted to call him and ask him if the lady is the reason he is treating me like I don’t matter to him. Or should I stand by my decision and never call him again? I know he is not good for me but my heart is refusing to accept it. What can I do to remain strong so I never go back to him?

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—Vida

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