A short while after we started dating, Sammy added me to a WhatsApp group. He said it was a fun group but I didn’t find anything over there fun. All I saw were things that made me uncomfortable in my skin. The group was full of girls who constantly sent their nude photos to us on the group. I was surprised that my sweet and loving boyfriend was part of a promiscuous group like that. It wasn’t something I could stomach so I told him I wanted to leave the chat. He laughed at me and said, “You don’t have heart at all.”

While he saw their activities as fun, I saw it as a reason to worry. I asked him why he was still part of the group after I left and he said it was just for fun. Honestly, I should have known at that very moment the kind of person he was. But I was so swept up in his love that I convinced myself that it didn’t mean anything.

As time passed, I got a job in another town. While I was preparing to move to the town, Sammy told me that his family lived in that town. “There is an outer room in my family’s house over there. You can go and stay there so you won’t spend money on rent. The room is detached from the main house so you will be on your own. Nobody will worry you.” I agreed and moved in there. The place was close to my workplace so it helped me save on transportation as well.

Things were going well for me there until I ran into a huge debt. I almost ran mad, but God saved me. I used all my savings to pay but it couldn’t even cover a quarter of the debt. So I started calling people I know to either lend or give me money to settle the rest of the debt. While all this was going on, Sammy did not lift a finger to help me. He said he didn’t have money. Meanwhile, every time he visited me I cooked with my money for us to eat. Everything he needed to make his stay comfortable, I provided.

I was there one day when he told me he was expecting some money from abroad. He asked to use my account number to receive the money and I gave it to him. When we received the money I went with him to withdraw it. I thought he would give me some of it to settle my debts but he said the money was not his. I was disappointed but I didn’t say anything.

His stinginess aside, he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. I never even looked at another man since he came into my life but he was so convinced that I was entertaining other men. A few days after he started his accusations, he got into an accident. He was unconscious for a few days. I was so terrified. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I took leave from work and stayed by his side until he regained consciousness.

Before the accident happened, he was working on a renovation. So I took it upon myself to continue it for him. I did it until my money was finished. When that happened, I decided to find the place where he kept his money to see if I could use whatever he had stashed away to complete the renovation for him. I went with a guy to his room and found the bag. To say that what I found in that bag shocked me is an understatement of the century. Inside this bag, was the money Sammy said was not his. He made me believe he had sent the money to the owner but it was still in his possession.

To think that my boyfriend had money but lied to me about it so he wouldn’t help me pay my debts broke my heart. He was still in the hospital so I took the money I had already spent on the renovation to refund myself, and also the rest it would cost to finish the work. Then I put the rest of the money back.

I always went to the hospital early in the morning and returned home in the evening until he was discharged. Even when he was discharged, it took time for him to be completely normal again. When he recovered, he started looking for reasons to insult me. I was so hurt by his behavior. To make matters worse, some of his friends and people around him concocted lies about me. They told him that while he was in the hospital recovering, I was parading around with different men. And he believed all of them.

I tried to reason with him. I even swore to him that I did no such thing but he chose to believe the lies over me. One day I couldn’t take his accusations anymore so I told him, “If you don’t trust me, then I will pack my things and leave.” That was when he stopped. Even that, he brought it up whenever we got in a fight. It didn’t make sense to me that he would accuse me, someone who lived in his family’s house of cheating on him. Why would I do such a thing?

It all made sense to me when I went through his phone one day and found all the things he was doing in the dark. Sammy was busy chatting with so many women. Some of them sent him their nude photos and he sent them money in return. He even discussed having a threesome with one of the ladies and asked her to bring her friend on board. That was when it dawned on me that he was so convinced I was cheating on him because he was doing it.

I took pictures of the chats and later sent them to him. He sent a laughing emoji when he saw it. I asked if he thought it was funny and he said they didn’t mean anything. “It’s not what you think,” he said. I didn’t want to hear his lies so I hung up. He was afraid to come back home that night. I waited for his return until I dozed off. Later, I woke up to him sneaking into the house. Surprisingly, I was not angry when I saw him. I spoke to him softly when I said, “You accuse me of cheating because you know you are cheating on me.”

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He begged for forgiveness and promised to change, and I forgave him. I thought we would move on from his accusations but no. I would be talking to him on the phone at night and he would say, “Is there a man in your room? I can hear you moaning.” When he started it, I thought it was a joke but it wasn’t. He was very serious. Every night, he would say he could hear a male voice in my room, or that he could hear me moaning. He concluded that I was either always playing with myself or that I was having shuperu with another man.

While all this was going on he talked about marriage. His family said it wouldn’t be right for me to live with them before the knocking rites were performed so I had to rent a place near their house and move there. I moved to the new place about a month ago and he has started with his accusations again. He says I bring men to my room to sleep with me. I feel so disrespected. I am not certain that I can keep doing this.

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We’ve been together for almost four years now but I want to leave him. I am sick and tired of the way he frustrates my life. I have never been happy in this life. I never got love from my parents and family. That’s why I gave my all to Sammy. I thought he would spoil me and make life easier for me but he is adding to my problems.

My problem is that I have spent all these years with him. If I leave him now, I will have to start all over with someone new. Meanwhile, I am not getting younger. Besides, I am facing a lot of pressure from my family to marry and start having kids. I am an only child so they want me to give birth to children who will multiply my family. What do I do? Should I stay with Sammy as he is? Or I should just ignore the pressure and choose a single life? Please, I need your advice.

—Ruki

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