I am a woman with the kind of body that draws men to me. With my hourglass figure, big butt, and big boobs, I know I am a sex pot. Most of the men who come into my life just want a pound of flesh. They see my body and they assume it’s a “Yes, touch me.” This makes me feel sad sometimes. There are times I can tell a man’s intentions toward me the minute they start talking to me. Other times too I find out after I enter a relationship with them. Because of this, I have been in and out of many relationships. The moment I sense that the person I am dating is not interested in me as a person, I walk away from them. That’s how I protect myself from predatory men. 

In June last year, I met someone who changed everything for me. His name is Kofi. Our connection was instant and before long, we were best friends. He didn’t look at me like I was a piece of meat he couldn’t wait to devour. His hands didn’t touch me inappropriately whenever we were alone together. He was simply interested in me as a person. It was all I ever wanted. So in August when he expressed interest in me, I believed it was genuine. I told him, “I have feelings for you too so I’m willing to give us a try.” The next thing he did was to invite me to his church. He told me, “My church is quite judgmental when it comes to dating so if anyone asks you what we are, tell them we are just friends.” I was hurt but I did as he said.

 My experience in the church was a good one so I joined them. After a few weeks in the church, I started receiving love proposals from a lot of the men. They all thought Kofi and I were just friends so I was available. At that time too Kofi started acting up. He wouldn’t call to check up on me. He wouldn’t text me back even if he was online. When I complained he said, “It’s not intentional. I have just been very busy.” It continued for a long time. I was the one calling him and texting him every day, and even with that, he would pick up my call and say; “Let me call you back, now is not a good time.” But he wouldn’t call back.

I got tired of his attitude so I stopped trying to communicate with him. We could go for a week or two without hearing from each other, and Kofi wouldn’t mind. My loneliness threw me into a friendship with a guy called Teddy in the church. He always checked up on me. He gave me the attention I wasn’t getting from Kofi. As our friendship continued, I started developing feelings for him. I tried to hide it because I was still in love with Kofi and I didn’t want to send the wrong message to Teddy. One day, he told me he had something important to discuss with me. I knew there and then what he wanted to talk about. And I felt guilty that I had lied to him and that Kofi and I were just friends. As I suspected, he expressed his interest in me. I also told him that I liked him. “I have feelings for you too, Teddy but I am not single. I am dating Kofi. I am sorry I lied to you at the beginning of our friendship.” 

After my confession, Teddy told me, “Well, you didn’t know this but Kofi and I are good friends. And I know for a fact that he is getting ready to get married soon. Whatever he is telling you right now is a lie.” I was shocked but surprisingly I wasn’t hurt. All the red flags I had ignored started playing in my mind. There’s a number that always called him whenever we were together. He saved it as “My World.” When I asked him about it he said it was his mum, but he never answered any calls from that number in my presence. I didn’t make the connection at first but after what Teddy said, it clicked. 

I wanted Kofi to tell me the truth himself but I didn’t want to ask him directly and put Teddy in trouble. So I told him, “Kofi, these days I have been having dreams of you getting married to someone else. Is there something you are not telling me?” He dismissed me saying, “It’s just a dream. Why would you think it applies to me? You know you are the only woman I love.” I was surprised at how smoothly he lied so I asked that we break up so I can work on a few personal issues. He refused to break up with me. I tried to break up with him again two more times but he refused all of it. I became confused and started wondering if Teddy was lying to me.  

Fast forward to early January, I saw a wedding invitation on some of the church members’ status. They were all posting it so I got curious and looked at it. It was Kofi’s wedding invitation. I wasn’t even surprised. I took a screenshot of it and sent it to him with an “Ayekoo, Kofi. Congratulations on your wedding.” He replied, “It’s not what you think.” I was surprised at that, “Are you not ashamed of yourself? You want to lie your way out of this too? Anyway, I have nothing against you.” He got married and I dated Teddy. After a while, Teddy also started acting up just like Kofi did. The only difference with him was that he would tell me point blank, “I don’t feel like talking to you right now.” And the next minute he would compliment the way I look and act jealous when other boys talked to me. 

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His mood swings were annoying but I put up with it. One day after shuperu he told me, “I don’t feel right that we are in church and dating. We should break up.” I didn’t even know what to say. I acted as if I wasn’t hurt and accepted whatever he said. We say hello to each other when we meet in church. Sometimes he looks at me and tells me I look nice. I don’t know what he wants but I don’t mind him. 

Currently, I have met someone new. We’ve been on a date once. He knows my house and I know his. He sends me money almost every week and buys me gifts. He’s caring, he pampers me, encourages me, and advises me. He even helped me draw a personal timetable for my studies. I go to school and work at the same time so he helps me manage my time. I feel he’s interested in building me up, the same way Kofi did. This man is in his mid-thirties and I am twenty-three. He asked me one day, “Have you ever considered dating or getting married to someone my age?” I was scared so I said no. I think I love him, and I believe he is genuine but my experience with Kofi has left me feeling afraid. I am worried if I give this new guy a chance, he would also turn out like Kofi. I don’t know what to do now. Please I need advice. 

—Noella

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