Love found us across borders and connected us in a way that we both didn’t expect. Joey was in Italy while I was a student in Ghana when we both met. I was at the university at the time, so I was quite young. And with the vast distance between us, I didn’t expect us to fall in love. I just thought we were going to be great friends and that’s what I wanted, friendship. However, as time went on, we forged a bond that transcends distance and space. We fell in love.
How could two people who live so far away make a relationship work? I am not going to lie, it was very difficult. A long-distance relationship between Ghana and Italy isn’t like one between Accra and Kumasi, where you could jump into the next available bus to see your partner. But despite the hardships, we held on to hope and stuck together.
One of the things that held us together was the promises we made to each other. “I will come for you when the time is right, I promise,” he said. “And I will wait for you however long it takes, I promise,” I said to him in response. So as far as we were both concerned, our promises were the compass that led us back to each other when we felt lost. We kept it going for four long years. I had completed university and started working. And Joey felt it was time we met.
“You are ready to come together for us to meet?” I asked him. He smiled and answered, “Not only meet. I am hoping we would get married when I come. What do you say?” What else could I say if not yes? After all these years of waiting, I finally get to be with my love. I was over the moon.
Nonetheless, I had to ask, “Is our marriage going to be long distance too? I am not sure I can bear that.” We had a conversation about it and decided that we would both leave our countries and move to a different country, where we would live as a family and raise kids together.
He had a good job in Italy but he quit the job and moved to Ghana with all his life savings for us to get married. After our wedding, we travelled together to a different country as planned. However, we realized when we got there that life was going to be difficult for us. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t find a job. We were both living off our savings which were fast diminishing. In order not to get completely stranded, we came up with a different plan.
I suggested that we move to his country where he could get his old job back. And he explained that it wouldn’t be advisable for us to go together, “If I don’t get my old job back, then I would have to move to my parents’ house till I get back on my feet. I am afraid it will put a lot of strain on our marriage if we go live with my parents. So I will go alone first, while you return to Ghana. As soon as things work out for me, I will come for you.”
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So he went back to his country and got his old job back. Our relationship also went back to how it used to be before we got married. And while I trust that he would come back for me, that is the least of my concerns. My problem is that our marriage has not been consummated. Yes, we lived together as husband and wife and slept on the same bed, but Joey never touched me. He said he had done it before so I wouldn’t have been his first. Meanwhile, I haven’t done it yet. I have saved myself all this while and waited for Joey to deflower me. But he showed no interest in doing that.
Sometimes I would try to initiate intimacy, and he would play along but he wouldn’t go all the way. I asked him once, “Am I not your type? Don’t you find me attractive? Or there is something about me that turns you off?” He shook his head vigorously, “No. don’t talk like that, my love. You are the sexiest woman I have ever seen.” “Then why won’t you make love to me?” I asked. What I got in response was silence, dead silence. I don’t understand why there are many men out there tripping over themselves to have a taste of me, yet I had to sometimes beg my husband before he would look at me with desire. We spent most of our six months together living as friends. This thing disturbed me a lot until we both returned to our countries.
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I am realizing now that he spends a lot of time with this particular male friend of his. They talk and visit each other all the time. It looks like Joey enjoys his company more than he does mine. So the question on my mind is, “Why would he leave everything to move across the ocean for me, yet he refuses to sleep with me? Is he behaving this way because I told him that I want to have kids and he doesn’t want to?” Of course, there is another thing on my mind but I am trying not to think about it. I don’t doubt that he loves me but maybe I don’t do it for him because he prefers men. Am I right to think this way?
-Mary
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I’m David from Ghana. I need a friend to chat with +233256458141 as a network business marketer.