The entire three years we were together he never took me to his hometown. He visited me all the time. And whenever he had to travel outside his hometown, he would take me along. But if I asked to visit him he would say, “It’s not yet time. Be patient, when the time is right you won’t even ask.” I was patient with him. I didn’t want to be a desperate woman who insisted a man takes her home. I wanted him to do that in his time. But the time was never right for him. I would ask him, “Don’t you think that it’s unsettling that you have met my family, yet I haven’t met yours? I haven’t even met your friends. It’s either you are a ghost or you have a wife, which is it?” He never gave me an answer. All he would do is laugh and tell me to stop being silly.

I know the ghost part was just silly because he was too public for that option to be true. He had a lot of female friends and relatives that celebrated their birthdays almost every week. He always posted them on his WhatsApp and used them as his profile picture. But whenever I posted a male friend or a male relative, on my WhatsApp, or any other social media platform, my man would lose his mind. He would pick a fight with me until I take down the photo. He always said, “I feel disrespected when I see that you’ve posted another man on your profile. I don’t care if they are your brothers or your male friends. I just don’t want you to do it. If you so desperately want to show a man to the world then post my photos.” I didn’t like the constant fighting so I stopped posting the photos. He, on the other hand, claimed he was the man in the relationship so he could do whatever he wanted. Because of this, he kept posting as many women as he wanted without any regard for my feelings.

Another thing I realized throughout our time together is that he never has money. I am not saying that he is broke or poor. What I mean is, whenever I am in a bind and I ask him for a little assistance he would tell me, “Oh, you should have said it earlier. I just used the money on me to buy some stuff. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have given it to you.” No matter the time I asked him for money, it was always a bad time. As if that wasn’t enough, he wanted to control how I used my money. I know it sounds crazy but he used to do that. And I don’t know if I allowed him to do it because I was blinded by love or just afraid of going against my man. There was a time I wanted to start a business. I didn’t ask him for money. I saved and raised the capital that I needed to start things on my own. Out of respect for him and our relationship, I let him know what I was about to do. This man said I shouldn’t do it. None of his reasons made sense so I didn’t want to mind him. But he insisted and picked fights with me until I didn’t do it.

After doing all this, he ghosted me. I didn’t do anything to him, but he just stopped picking up my calls and replying to my texts. I didn’t know where he lived to go and ask him for explanations. I was in pain for one year. My parents even called to ask him why he stopped talking to me. They asked if I wronged him in any way and he told them I didn’t. It was hard but I tried to forget about him and carry on with my life. It was later that I heard that he had another girlfriend. So I figured he left me because of her.  All of this happened in 2021. I cried till I was sure there were no more tears left in my system. Then I picked up my broken pieces and put myself back together. I was doing well. I looked good. My laughter no longer sounded hollow. I was happy again. I lived my life the way I wanted to, without his influence. I posted whomever I wanted on my Whatsapp without fear of getting into a fight with Kobina.

READ MORE: He’s A Good Christian But He Smells Like A Heartbreak

Then in 2022, a bad wind blew him back into my life. He came to apologize to my parents for leaving me without any explanation or goodbye for an entire year. He said he got caught up in something, and that he took the time off to deal with it. “What about your other girlfriend?” I asked him, “Isn’t she the reason you left? Where is she now?” He looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language, “Who has been feeding you lies? Most importantly, how can you believe something like this? There is no one out there as perfect for me as you are, believe me.” He asked me to give him another chance to prove how serious he is about me. He assured me and my parents that he would marry me as soon as he sorts a few things out.

He started to do everything right in the days that followed. He was so sincere that there was no room for doubt in my heart for him. I took him back, and we started planning our lives together. Before the first quarter of 2022 ended someone sent me a message on WhatsApp. I opened it to see Kobina’s wedding pictures. Apparently, he was getting married that day. I was confused. Initially, I thought someone photoshopped his face into the photos as a joke. It was the only explanation that made sense. I remember sending him the photos and asking if he was getting married. I expected him to laugh and say it was a joke but his response was, “Yes, I am.”  “How? Why did you lie to my parents that you will marry me if you knew you were already marrying someone else?” I asked him. He didn’t respond till later. His response was, “It’s done. Whatever you tell your parents is your problem, not mine.”

What Would You Do If You Caught Me Cheating On You?–Beads Media

Almost a year has gone by and I still don’t understand why he did that to me. What did I do to him that was so bad that he would lie to me and my parents? I had moved on, and I was fine but he came and messed it all up. Now, I can’t even fathom the prospect of another relationship without thinking about how badly he played me. Nana Kobina, I just want to tell you that I have nothing to say against you. The Bible says that vengeance comes from the Lord, so  I leave you to God. I hope you are happy in your marriage. I hope it is everything you wish for.

–Adwoa

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