For some time now, my husband makes me pay for shuperu. He doesn’t ask for it like he used to. When we started, he was the one always chasing me for it. I didn’t say no to him. Never. Whenever he was on top, I played my part to make the whole thing exciting.
Two children later, he had stopped chasing me. When I go for it, he gives me excuses; “I’m tired let me sleep. Wake me up at dawn and let’s do it.” I would wake him up at dawn and my husband would get angry.
We had a deep conversation about it. He told me, “You’re always demanding something from me so I get tired. If only you’ll take some of the burden off, I will also get an erection for action.”
Since then, anytime I ask for it, I have to give something in exchange. Something like paying the housekeeping money for the week. Paying the kid’s class fees for the month or paying water bills for the month.
Out of frustration, I agree to do it but when this man comes on top, he does it like he had been starved of shuperu for a thousand years. He wants it but he won’t ask for it because he wants something in exchange.
I’ve decided not to go for it again and because of that, we’ve gone two months without shuperu. Is that how a husband should treat a woman he used his investment to marry?
Is not that he doesn’t have money. He’s well paid. He sends money to his family and even pays the school fees for his nieces and nephews. When he has to do something for us in the house, he complains and coerces me to agree to exchange something for shuperu.
I’m not built to cheat on my husband. Nothing in this world would push me to that end and he knows that. Maybe that’s the reason he’s treating me this way. The last time I threatened to report him to his family, he gave me a stern warning. I know him and I know he would go that far if I do it.
Is that normal? What can I do to him to get him to discharge his bedroom duties without making me pay for it?
—Sally
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Stop paying him .what he is doing is called extortion . It’s not right to do so in the first place. Don’t put to much emphasis on sex. Work to build an emotional connection with him. Maybe he feels emotional disconnected with you. Take notice of what he likes now and not what he liked in the past. Massage his back after work. Give him a foot massage as well. Partake in his interest such as politics, football etc even if you Don’t like them just do it to have a bond with him. If there is no emotional connection there won’t be sex. Listen more ,every one loves someone who listens. Give more suggestions if he asks you questions. Don’t forget your outward appearance. Take good care of yourself more. Maybe your husband has found a new interest in natural beauty. Then don’t makeup more .just do it less or don’t at all. If you do these and it does not work just build an emotional connection that’s all you need . Don’t allow sex to ruin your happiness just find new interest in new things. By the time he realises you are not minding him he will come running to you like the devil is after him.
My dear,calm down, don’t kill yourself. Try and suppress the urges, don’t put your mind there and you’ll be fine. As far as he’s taking care of the family, relax and work harder, make more money and invest in yourself.