We met on campus. I was there for my diploma while he was pursuing his degree. This means I completed school before him. When I was leaving him on campus, we agreed that our relationship wouldn’t end there. “Long distance will not come between us. We will do everything possible to stay together,” we promised each other. I loved this guy so much that I was willing to make things work no matter what. 

I understood his situation as a student. It’s true that some students have money but he wasn’t one of those. He didn’t have any job or side hustle while in school. His family is also not well-to-do. Basically, the guy didn’t have money. Because of this, I never bothered him to help with any of my expenses. I was rather the one supporting him financially. 

After I completed school, I started a small business while I looked for a job. I used the money I earned from this business for my upkeep and extended some to my boyfriend. Within a short time, God opened a door for me and I got a job in a good company. By the time I got the job, my boyfriend was almost done with his studies. So I suggested that he take over my business and make some money for himself. It was a good business but this guy said he had other plans. 

I respected his choice and focused on my job. However, as time went on I realized that he had no plans. He was doing nothing to earn money. He couldn’t even afford transportation when he wanted to visit me. It became my responsibility to pay for his transportation when he was coming to see me and fund his trip back home. 

I wanted us to meet as often as possible but I couldn’t afford to keep paying for his trip every single time. I figured the best way to help the situation was for him to get something doing for himself. I had some savings lying around. I thought it would be a good idea to invest it in a business for him. The same business I did before I got the job. When I brought up the subject again for the second time, he refused.

I explained, “I am doing it for the sake of our relationship. I want us to be able to afford to go on dates, and for you to visit me frequently. If you have a stream of income, we can do all those fun couple bonding activities. Have you noticed that since this relationship began we’ve never gone on a date?” He still said he wasn’t interested in the business.

He told me, “I have decided to go into farming.” I advised him that he could farm and run the business on the side. His answer remained no. I tried to persuade him but we ended up having problems because of it. We almost broke up even. So I let the matter be. 

He started his farming but along the line, my company was hiring. I talked to my boss about him and got him a slot. All he had to do was bring his certificates to start the recruitment process. He did that. They finally called him to report to work but my boyfriend didn’t show up.

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I asked him why and he said, “I consulted my elder sister and she advised me to focus on my farming. So that’s what I am going to do.” What could I have done but say okay?

I had a lot of responsibilities. I had to send money to my siblings and mother back home. Although I wished I could sometimes fall on my boyfriend for assistance, I never did. I understood he didn’t have money. So tell me why I went through his phone one day and found out he was talking to another girl? That wasn’t even the painful part. The most painful part was when I saw that he was sending the girl money. 

The Secret He Wasn’t Telling Me Was On His Phone


I asked him about it and he said she was just someone who needed his help. He swore nothing was going on between them. I believed him. I only started getting suspicious of him when he wouldn’t tell me the results of his harvest. He still requested that I pay his transport fare when we had to meet. If I refused, we wouldn’t meet. It didn’t make sense to me that he had harvested his crops but was acting as if he had no money. 

Recently I told him, “Try and pull your weight and help me out with some of the expenses in this relationship. The strain is too much for me.” He didn’t listen. He rather chose to make mountains out of my suggestions. He even said I disrespected him. 

We’ve been together for six good years and not once did I ask him for a dime. On his own he has never bought me any gifts. I am the only one doing the giving, the spending, and the providing. I would go to the market and buy him nice shoes, shorts, shirts, name them. Did I ask for too much when I suggested that he also start spending? How is this disrespectful to him?

— Bella

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