In the early stages of my relationship with Kwaku, I found evidence that he had been involved with another woman. It was irrefutable proof but this guy denied it. He said nothing happened between them. “How can you think this way of me? This lady is just someone I and my friends were pranking. Everything you saw were signs of that prank, trust me.” I did not trust him. I knew what I saw and there was no way that was a prank.
Nonetheless, they say you give grace to the people you love. This is why I chose to turn a blind eye to everything I saw and forgive him. It was difficult but I let all of it go and we carried on with the relationship.
We were both working in the same company when we began the relationship. The money we earned was not so much but it was enough to get us by. He lived with his family at the time. Despite their difficult financial situation, Kwaku’s earnings at the end of the month helped their situation a little. Unfortunately, they lost that little help when my boyfriend left our company after we had been together for one year.
When he stopped earning income, things became more difficult for the family. He became another mouth to feed, with no support from anywhere. I was living alone and still working. I figured I could help make things easier if I asked Kwaku to move in with me. I wasn’t sure he would agree but when I spoke to him, he did it.
Shortly after he moved in, he got a teaching job. He earned GHC350 from the job. At the end of the month, he would send GHC100 home to his family. I knew his financial situation so I didn’t expect anything from him. I paid our rent when it expired without taking a pesewa from him. I fed him and clothed him with no complaints. Whatever he needed for himself as a person or as a man, I provided it for him. Not once did I ask him to pay a single bill. I paid it all.
This is a man I loved. As long as we were together and doing our best for each other, I was okay. I didn’t mind being the breadwinner of a two-person household even though I struggled to do all of it. I just wanted him to be happy and comfortable.
For the three years we’ve been together, I sent gifts to his family every Christmas. This man cannot sit somewhere and say I don’t like his family or that I have no respect for them. Sadly, I can’t say the same for him. I don’t know why but he seems to have a problem with my family. He gets upset when they ask to visit me.
Even my own mother and sister, I have to persuade this guy to agree for them to visit. Meanwhile, my parents don’t even know that I live with a man. I ask him why he has a problem with my family and he tells me he doesn’t. Yet he talks about them anyhow. No consideration for my feelings whatsoever.
When he sees me talking on the phone and it’s with my family, he would start murmuring disrespectful things under his breath. After the call, he would find a way to pick a fight with me. Anytime I confronted him about his behaviour, he would get angry and say, “Why are you always overreacting when it comes to your family? I would say something harmless but you would take it to heart and fly off the handle.”
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I know he pretends not to know what he is doing to make me feel I make things up. That’s one thing I cannot stand. How can there be any change if you won’t even accept what you are doing wrong?
Apart from his issues with my family, I saw some messages on his phone. He has been talking to some girls. I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t want him to know that I was unto him, and then start covering his tracks. All of that doesn’t matter anymore anyway. He finally broke the camel’s back so I have decided that I am done.
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It happened when we were having an argument recently. I mentioned my mum and the next thing I heard from this guy was, “Mtcheeeww.” I was shocked. I shouldn’t have been after everything he had done in the past, but I still was. How can you say you love me but react this way to the mention of my mother? “That’s it. I am done with this relationship,” I said as I broke up with him.
Since that time, he has been begging me to forgive him. Isn’t breakup the only option on the table if your man doesn’t respect your family, especially your parents? If not for them, I wouldn’t even exist for you to see me and claim you love me. So why can’t you show them a little respect? It’s not as if they’ve done anything to you. Or I am the one who is overreacting like he says?
— Pokua
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#SB
Please you are right. This is outright disrespect to your family. Apart from that he is an unrepentant cheat. Always chose your family above all else . Because even in marriage when one spouse falls completely sick and the other becomes fed up he or she send the sick person back to his or her family. This shows us how important the family is to us .
A leopard can not change its spots. God has been kind to you to let you se the real person before you are toed down by a marriage covenant or children.
For a lot of men, their ego is gored once their women become their provider and they seek validation by cheating and using the money they collect from the ladies to sponsor their promiscuity. I am afraid your boyfriend falls squarely in that category. His inferiority complex is preventing him from seeing the Jewel in front of him. So, my Jewel, remove yourself from this disaster for there are several deserving men begging to have you. Our elders say if you fear divorce you will never reap a good marriage.
I don’t understand why some women will allow their boyfriends to move in with them.
The way I love my privacy no.
You brought the disrespect to yourself first and now it has extended to your family. A man who don’t respect your family doesn’t have any future in mind.
This is a wake up call. Drop his sorry ass and don’t allow any man in the future to move in with you.
You think it is love but it is a desperate move.
Real Men hardly accept these offers even in the desperate moments.
Much love
See, listen and listen good. It is only when a leopard can change its spots, then you can have a rest of mind that he will change. You need to break off from the shackles you locked yourself with all in the name of love. That guy will leave you once he makes it big. He is disrespecting you, your family and also cheating on you with diff girls. End it and do it ASAP.
It’s good you have seen all these before getting married to him. You don’t need any more revelations to leave him.
One mistake people do make is “He/She may change when we get married”.
Really? Just a relationship and he doesn’t have a drop of respect for your family, imagine after you are officially pronounced as one body and soul.
My sister, you may have a change of heart to forgive him and continue with your relationship because of the love you have for him but I advice you shouldn’t make such a mistake. Yes don’t make such a mistake. A man who loves you should consider your feelings and love your family as well. You are housing and feeding him yet he’s ungrateful of your generosity. How many women out of every 100 cater for their men in this century? It’s the opposite as far as I know but you are doing it without second thoughts.
I know if you were the one behaving coldly to his family, he wouldn’t be happy about it. Why must he treat yours with disgust?
I believe you have seen all the signs you should, to save future troubles. If you ignore these warning signs and reconcile with him, you are likely to say “Had I known” one day.
Pokua you’re not overreacting, end that relationship, don’t give in to his begging
You are dealing with a narcissistic person. Those demons in human form have no remorse, do not have empathy, do not respect boundaries, make you doubt yourself and does not appreciate any thing you do for them. He is only begging you because he is losing supply. Run for your life. Living with a narcissist is worse than anything in the world.
Your story does’nt add up
There is something you’re not telling us and I bet if we could hear his side of the story, All this myopic minds commenting here against him would realize how 5Tu9!d they’ve been and 7001ed by your story.
However, the headline of the story caught my attention. The fact that your partner is down at the moment doesn’t change your 9u55y to a d!(k, you remain a 9u55y. period!
A few things make a man react towards a woman’s family/parents the way your partner was doing are:
1. Its either you’ve discussed some negative comment(s) made by your family when he was not present with him
2. It could be that he heard some negative comment your parent made about him due to his involvement with you..
3. He might’ve seen a negative reaction from you based on something your parent have said to you against him.
There are a lot of reason for your partner’ behavior towards your family but in most cases like these its you the woman who doesn’t know where the barrier is between issues discussed with family and that of your partner. You two going apart is good because it wont get better.
Please Hecta, its either you have not read the story or reading only the comments and responding. Go back and read the story a second or third time. Sorry, your comments are way off the details provided.