My younger sister is dating this guy you can see is taking her nowhere. She’s twenty-three and I’ve been the one supporting her through it all. I pay her fees. I give her pocket money. The phone she’s using I bought it for her after she gave what she was using to her boyfriend and came to lie to me that it was stolen.
The guy is not working. He completed the university when my younger sister was in her second year. He abuses her. My sister had come home with marks on her body that she lied about but told her friends it was the guy who beat her up. Not once and not twice.
She tells her friends that the fault is hers so she’ll change so the guy doesn’t beat her up again. Whatever I give to her, she shares it with this guy. My dad got mad and went to warn the guy. Days later, my sister threatened; “What do you want from me? Do you want me to unalive myself?”
My mom would lock her up in the night and put the key under her pillow. This girl will still find a way to sneak out. I love my sister. We are only two and she’s the only girl. It’s important that she gets her life straight so I decided to be smart about the situation.
I paid a girl to start dating the guy. I only needed the girl to act in a way that would push my sister away. She only took three days to get the guy. He loves to be pampered by women so the girl was giving him things and was staying overnight at his place.
One evening, while the girl was there, I connived with my mom to push my sister out to see her guy. My sister said her guy had travelled. My said he saw him in town in the afternoon so she should go there unannounced to check.
We all had to come together to pull this trick. Even my dad supported the movement. My sister went there to meet her guy and this girl together and it turned into a huge fight. Wigs were removed. Skins were scratched. Lips got swollen—my sister’s lips.
After this incident, we all sat her down and advised her to put her life together and leave the abusive relationship. She agreed with us. We knew it was going to be hard so we played the part to keep her grounded. Weeks later, my sister is back with the guy. And do you know the funny thing? The lady I paid to play the role is still dating the guy. She’s in a serious relationship with him currently. It’s two-six and a loss for me.
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I give up. It’s her own life but I hope she doesn’t regret it at a time when we all can do nothing about her situation. We can only try but the rest comes from her. She’s twenty-three but not a minor.
— Alex
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You’ve done your best! She’ll leave when the scales fall off her eyes. And I hope later won’t be too late!
Keep praying for her freedom from this bondage of a relationship
I agree with you.
I’m impressed by the extent to which your family will go to help one of you. That’s what family is all about. But don’t give up, rather change tactics. Instead of fighting her and forcing her to stop, rather support her. Advice her on how to improve on her relationship with the boy. Allow her to go freely to see him. She will begin to see things differently. Initially it will surprise and confuse her, but at some point she’ll begin to appreciate the weight of the family love for her as opposed to what she’s gotten herself into.
I agree on a tactical change. However, encouraging the relationship? He’s abusive and physically too! Most people in abusive relationships crave for validation. Her poor confidence may even result from her boyfriend convincing her that she can’t get a better option. Like you said, she no longer a minor. Encourage her to meet more young people like herself, participate in social events especially church events. Don’t give up on her, continue to monitor her and if her boyfriend gets abusive give him a taste of his own medicine.