I’m doing everything possible to make my marriage work but still, my husband won’t let go of his vices. I don’t know what else to do, which is a first for me.
I have never not known what to do when it comes to love and relationships. I grew up with a mother who was a confidante to many. Men and women from all walks of life would come to see her to talk about their marital problems.
They spoke of the things they did that waged war in their homes. They spoke about what their spouses did that drove them to cheat. I was a child but I picked pearls of wisdom from these conversations and tucked them under my sleeves.
I was so sure that if I got into a relationship, I would know how to keep a man. I was determined I wouldn’t cheat.
“I will be submissive.”
“I won’t be one of those women who keeps my money to myself. I will work and support the home financially.”
“When it comes to the bedroom I will always be a dutiful wife. I will not withhold myself from my man.”
“I won’t do anything to lose him to another woman.”
Sometimes when I practiced them they worked. Other times they didn’t work. For instance, I got the ring but I have never been happy since.
I am not blowing my own horns but I am everyone’s type. I have curves in all the right places. I had a thriving career. I was the full package but maybe I arrived at the wrong address. I have never been enough for Nii.
No matter what I do to satisfy his needs, he still strays. The most painful part is not even the cheating itself. It’s the calibre of women he does it with. If you see the way I look and the way these women look, you will understand what I am talking about. They don’t measure up to me. Not when it comes to looks, and certainly not when it comes to status.
No matter what I did or said, he kept at it. “Why am I never enough for you?” I often asked him. He never had an answer for me. All he did was go on cheating.
I became a shadow of myself. I felt inadequate. I was so sure that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, for my husband to go about running through women as if they were a roll of toilet paper.
Out of loneliness, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I went looking for comfort in another man’s arms. It was a brief affair that ended before it even began.
The guilt ate me up so much that I confided in a friend. Unfortunately, I forgot to delete the chat. That’s how my husband found out. For someone who had no problem doing it, you would think he would have no problem taking a dose of his own medicine.
The man was a wreck. I admitted the truth and begged for his forgiveness but he reported the issue to my family.
After a series of meetings, we agreed that I would quit my job and move in with him. I was willing to do anything to prove how sorry I was. So I agreed to sacrifice my job for the marriage to work. We lived in separate towns but I moved.
I am disappointed to say that it all amounted to nothing. Despite the fact that I live with him now, he still holds on to his little girlfriends.
We have three children now but my husband hasn’t exhibited any character growth. He treats me as if I am the villain in the marriage. Recently I caught him again but he didn’t care. When I asked him to apologize he said, “Men don’t apologize in real life. Apologies only happen in textbooks.”
Now I know he will never change. This is something that keeps repeating and it will continue for as long as I remain with him.
READ ALSO: She’s Kept Our Relationship in the Dark for Three Years – Now I’m Struggling to Breathe
This is why I need a job. If I have something to do, I can save some money and move away with the kids. It’s only going to get worse the longer I stay.
Every time he leaves home, my head is all over the place. When I call him and his phone is off, I feel unsettled. Why should I keep doing this to myself? I’m ready to choose myself and my peace.
I Never Paid Fees Again Until I Completed School
Maybe if I leave he will have the freedom to continue with his ways. That’s up to him though. As for me, I have learned my lessons. I am sick and tired of men and their drama. I just want to get away from him so I can focus on my kids.
If it helps, I live in Tarkwa. I can work in operations and managerial positions but I don’t mind starting over from the bottom again. The location of the job doesn’t matter to me because I am ready to move. So if anyone here has a job and can help, I will be very grateful.
—Bloom
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For someone who learnt about relationships very early, you failed to learn that the biggest difference between men and women isn’t physical or biological. It is psychological.
Men and women don’t think alike. That’s why you could not understand why your husband was a wreck when he found out about your cheating. Men cannot handle it. A man is polygamous by nature. It’s so worldwide. All the biblical patriarchs were polygamous.
Women are born with a hymen. They are proud of it and cherish it. Men don’t have such. A man who is a virgin before marriage is a huge oddity. Have you ever wondered why the man involved with the woman Jesus Christ forgave fire adultery wasn’t mentioned? It’s because men don’t commit adultery. Adultery laws were for women.
You’ve not found out what your husband seeks outside. It’s not necessarily a wife’s beauty that makes her husband not seek other women. It’s the connection between the two of you. You should have sought that connection before marriage.
Now you’ve made up your mind to leave the marriage. But note that women who understand the differences between men and women have happier marriages and relationships.
Good luck in the years ahead.
Reaaaallllllyyy!!!!!
Madam, leave the marriage wai and I hope you find the job and peace you’re looking for. Don’t let this man break you down. There are men out there who wouldn’t look in another woman’s direction if they had you. If men were polygamous God would have given Adam Eve and Serwaa.
African women need to stop giving toxic relationship advice to other women. You are the reason why other women suffer so much in relationships. If it had been a man who wrote this story, the verdict would have been unanimous in demanding that he leave his wife. He would have been called an idiot and a weak man for staying so long. Yet on this thread, different women have given Bloom toxic advice.
There’s Esosa with the statement that adultery laws are only for women and not men and of course, the age old erroneous fact that men are polygamous by nature. Check again , scientific research shows that it is the human female that is meant to have multiple sexual partners and not the male. The average female prostitute can satisfy 10-25 partners a day, how many can the average male gigolo satisfy? Check the Guinness book of records for which sex holds the record for the highest number of sexual partners in a day. Please stop spreading this myth. Even Jesus was angry when they brought only the adulterous woman and left her partner behind. A man doesn’t have the right to be more offended than a woman when they are cheated on, especially when the man is a serial cheat like Bloom’s husband.
Then there’s Maameafua who’s advising Bloom to pray, how many men who have come here to complain about their wives being serial cheats has she advised to pray for the cheating women?
Then there’s Georgia who has told her that she’s proud and she lacks humility. She has advised her to be submissive,as if that would change the goat that Bloom married.
Seriously women, we need to start doing better. We should stop normalising male cheating behaviour while viewing female promiscuity as the biggest crime that a woman can commit. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Women in the Western world hold their partners to the same standard of fidelity, that they hold themselves. You can’t be in the US, the UK or France and a man would cheat on his wife and other women will start advising her to stay because all men cheat. They expect better for themselves and they get it. That’s why African men are always complaining about white women, because they’ve seen that they are not fools like us. They are forced to respect themselves, because there are serious consequences for their actions.
A man who deos not value you when you are independent or at your highest point won’t value you when you are at your lowest. Learn to live for yourself. Marriage is an institution set up by God so if something is not right take it to him . Hence it takes grace to run one not one’s beauty ,status ,wits etc. Remember never to settle for less. I pray you find the job you need.
I am not sure you learnt anything from your mom and the people and relationship advice she dish out to her diff clients. Yes, a cheat is a cheat and will always find a way to lie or defend his or her lifestyle when it comes to messing around. One of the greatest mistakes a married woman can ever do is paying her back or getting back at her husband by also cheating. It’ll never ever go down well cos the world will frown at the woman and not at her husband who tattered it. He will never forgive you and will make people believe you’re the jezebel. I am sure you noticed this crazy behavior before you accepted to be his wife and mother of his kids. What happened to seeking advice from your mom? Did you ever think or ask why he is going outside despite the fact that you’re curvy, beautiful and all? Whatever you allow will surely continue. I pray you get the job, get back on your feet and be a good mother. I am not going to tell you to leave your marriage.
The problem with you, Bloom, as I see it-and I’m sorry to say it – is that you are full of yourself. Even your narrative is full of holes because you don’t want to reveal what exactly you did wrong. My advice is, strip yourself naked, and jump into a big pool of humility. Maybe when you get out some humility and submissiveness will cling to you. You may look good on the outside – and that may have attracted your husband – but all that glitters is not gold. Changing jobs or location will not change you. You need to submit to your husband and you’ll see some difference in your marriage.
I don’t know why African women seem to be cursed with stupidity. You saw the red flags flying everywhere, but you chose to ignore them. Why would you quit your job for a man who is a serial cheat? If you had sense, the day that your husband reported you to your family, would have been the worst day of his life. You would have used the opportunity to air your grievances with him and exposed his own out of control philandering, instead you went there to beg and make concessions like you were the problem in the marriage. Find a job and leave the public penis that you foolishly call a husband. And try to see a therapist to work on your self esteem, so you can understand why you continued to stay with a partner who treated you so badly.