Ella and I went to school together but we weren’t friends. We didn’t even use to exchange pleasantries. We would just see each other all the time and walk on. However, things changed after we completed school and I saw her profile on Facebook. I sent her a message and we started talking from there. I liked her but only as a friend. I believe that’s how she also saw me so we continued to talk.

Months went by and we texted and called each other from time to time. Soon enough we became close friends. She even visited me a few times. I really liked her so I enjoyed all the time we spent together. Then one day she called to tell me, “Ed, I am travelling to the States. I am not sure exactly when I will be back but I won’t be gone for long.” I wished her all the best and we promised to keep in touch.

While she was away, our friendship was still perfectly intact. The only thing that was missing was the occasional visits she used to pay me. That aside, everything else was the same. We still texted and made phone calls to check up on each other. She would update me on how her life abroad was going. And I would also update her on how my life in Ghana was faring. The kind of relationship we had was exactly how I wanted it.

After a year in the States, she returned to Ghana. Things between us continued as normal. She started visiting me again. During one of her visits, she brought her sister along. Ella’s sister, Peace, is older than her. I was happy to meet her, and we all got along very nicely. After they got home, I got a call from a strange number that night. I picked up, only to hear Peace’s voice on the other end.

Once again, I was very friendly toward her. She went on and on about how her sister wouldn’t stop talking about me. She said Ella wouldn’t rest a day if she didn’t hear my voice. Then she went on to talk about how Ella’s mood shifts from sad to happy when she gets a text from me. “That’s why I insisted on following her to your place today,” she continued, “I wanted to meet the boy who makes my sister so happy. And now that I’ve met you, I can see that you are a cool guy. I enjoyed every moment I spent with you. I like you.” I felt she was being unnecessarily dramatic so I just said, “Thank you,” and ended the call.

As time went on, Peace texted me and called me more often than her sister did. She would call to check up on me and share her problems with me. I tried to be her friend and held space for her. One day she called me and said, “Ella is in love with you but she said you haven’t asked her out yet. I am sure by now you can tell that I am also in love with you. I can’t share or try to fight with my sister over you, so I will let her have you. I just wish I had met you first.” I was so stunned that I didn’t say anything until she hung up.

A few minutes later, I received a message from Ella. It read, “You are the coolest guy I have ever met. I like you very much and I am wondering if we can be more than friends.” I texted her back and explained to her that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. “I just want us to be close friends, just as we’ve always been.” The next thing I realized, Peace was calling me again. The moment I picked up she started screaming, “I called to tell you about my sister’s feelings and what did you do? You rejected her and now she won’t stop crying. Shame on you.” I felt so bad.

I consider Ella as one of my best friends so I could not stand to cause her pain. Knowing that she was in pain because of me hurt me deeply. So I called her to try and make things right, but she refused to pick up. Out of worry, I sent her a message; “I am sorry about my earlier response. If you will have me, I will like to be your boyfriend.” I felt nothing for her but I just did it for her happiness.

I thought I would fall in love with her over time. I believed I could nurture and grow the love, just as I read in stories. But it wasn’t like that for me. She did everything a man would want his woman to do but I wasn’t moved. I also did my best to view her in a romantic way but it wouldn’t work.

READ ALSO: Can Virginity Break Without Your Knowledge?

As our relationship went on, she tried to initiate shuperu but I never allowed it to happen. I would tell her, “Today I just want to hold you. We will do something another time.” When she comes another time, I would say, “I am very tired today. Can we just watch a movie and talk?” I didn’t want to outright tell her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her. So I just found polite ways to turn down her advances. She didn’t suspect anything because I made sure she was happy.

I had to leave town five months ago for work so we’ve only been talking through phone calls and texts. I have been hoping I would wake up one of these days and realize I am in love with her but it’s still not happening. Rather, I woke up yesterday and felt I made a mistake by being with her. My heart tells me I am playing her. I feel I should have been firm when I rejected her. Yes, she was hurt. But she would have recovered by now.

Why Men Don’t Say “I Love You” To Each Other

I had no intention to continue stringing her along so I called her and had a deep conversation with her. “Ella, I just wanted a friend. Someone I could share my happy and sad moments with. Someone I could be vulnerable with. I am so busy building my life that I cannot drag you along with me. Please, let’s end things.” She accepted it all in good faith so I thought we were cool.

This morning I woke to a long text message from her. She explained that she is very heartbroken by the breakup. “I have accepted that you don’t want to be in a relationship but I cannot lose you. Can we just go on being best friends? Anything is better than nothing.” I feel so sad about all this that I don’t have the words to reply to her message. A part of me wants to continue being her friend because she is the most loving, caring, and wonderful girl I have ever met. However, another part of me says that wouldn’t be fair to her. I believe she will heal better if I let her go completely. But I also don’t want to hurt her more than I have done already. Please, what do I do?

—Ed

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB