I didn’t know he has a girlfriend so when he proposed to me I said yes. I said yes but he didn’t get the yes easily. I took my time to study him. I went to his place unannounced severally. I met his friends and even when I hadn’t accepted his proposal, they called me, “Our wife.” It was always a vibe when I met him so I figured he could be a good guy. I said yes to him after a month of going up and down trying to know the kind of man he was. His last convincing statement before I said yes to him was, “Dear, it doesn’t take days to know a man, especially a man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You can’t know him from afar. You have to get closer. You have to talk to him often. You have to look down his eyes and see if you can see worms. You have to be in his cupboard if you want to know there are skeletons.” I said yes to him with the hopes of knowing him better before any serious commitment.

So when he wanted shuperu, I said, “No. That’s too soon. I’m not at the point where I can give it all away. I’m not that comfortable so let’s give ourselves some time.” I love his patience and the way he understood me. I loved the way he accepted my views and treated them as important. I told myself, “He could be the one Naana. Don’t make it too hard for him to change his mind about you. Don’t punish him for the wrongs the men who came into your life committed. Give him a chance to be him. To love you and commit his own mistakes. Just allow him to love you the best way he can before you use your insecurity to destroy everything.”

I opened up to certain things. I gave him a mile— A mile of kisses. A mile of whatever he wanted to do with my body. Well, except Shuperu. That I didn’t allow it. I wanted to but anytime we got to that point, my body froze. My mind shivered. My mouth said, “No, not today.” But he was patient with me and his patience is one thing I fell in love with. One evening he was supposed to visit me but he couldn’t. I was expecting him at 6pm but 7pm he wasn’t around. I called his phone and he didn’t answer. I called severally but no response came. I started getting worried. Love is like that. It brings intensive worries for something as shallow as the man not picking your calls. 

Around 10pm I called and a lady answered. Her voice was sharp and sounded irritated. She said, “Yeah who is this?” I didn’t know who was talking but if anything, my name is saved on the phone so she should be able to tell who was talking. I asked, “Please who am I talking to?” She screamed, “You called so you can’t ask me that question. Is there anything I can help you with?” I answered, “I want to talk to the owner of the phone.” She answered, “Then wait. When he returns from the bath, he’ll answer you.” Then she dropped the call. I called minutes later. There was no answer. I called again and again and again, there was no answer. I couldn’t sleep the night. I was waiting to hear from him. I was waiting to see when he would call back but he never did.

The following morning he called with laughter and jokes as if everything was alright. He was like, ‘Pardon me for yesterday errn. My paddies came around and we had to visit one of our paddies. We got there and it turned into a party. They wouldn’t allow me to leave. Please forgive me.” I said, “I called.” He answered, “Yeah I saw it very late in the night. I thought you might be sleeping, that’s why I didn’t call back.” 

“A lady picked when I called…”

“A lady? What time? Are you sure it’s my phone you called?”

“I called you a million times. Until that lady picked and spoke harshly to me. She said you were bathing.”

“Really? This is new to me. Then who could have answered the phone? I was with my friends all night. You can call and ask them.”

“Is the lady one of your friends? Give me her number and I would call and ask her. She’s the only one I will speak to.”

“I don’t even know the lady you’re talking about. How can I give you a number of someone I don’t know?”

“Well, call me when you get to know who picked the phone up around 10pm last night.”

I dropped the call. He was lying and everything showed. I didn’t pick up his calls for days until one evening he came by. I met him in front of my door and asked him, “What do you want?” Before he could answer, a lady shouted from afar, “Ohhhh so it’s you? You are the one trying to snatch my man from me? There are millions of men in this world but you couldn’t get any. It’s my man you’re coming after? You lie bad. It won’t happen. Hoooo Ashawo, go and look for your own.” I told him, “This is the voice that answered my call that night. You came with her? For what? To prove what point exactly? I thought you are a gentleman? I thought you were different.”

All this while the lady was shouting and clapping as if she was in the market shouting “donkomi” on highly discounted goods. He buried his face in his palm. He said, “Matilda, why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to embarrass me? How did you even get here?” He held her hands, trying to pull her away. By this time my neighbors were out asking what the issue was. I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t know what the issue was actually. I addressed the lady in a calm way. I said, “Young woman, I don’t know who you are but obviously you’re getting it wrong. I didn’t come after your boyfriend. He came after me. I didn’t know he has you because he told me he has no other. You can’t come here and create a scheme as if it was my fault. Deal with him and not me.”

The crowd was getting thicker by the second. I went inside and locked my door. Slowly, the noise died out. I sighed and cried myself to sleep. The following day, I had a call. It was Matilda shouting on the phone. “I know you and I know your house. If you don’t stop chasing my man, I swear I would make life uncomfortable for you. Do you know how I’ve suffered with him? Last four years when he was jobless and penniless, where were you? Now he has a job and can flash some money so you’re here trying to snatch him. Ashawo. Take your business somewhere else. Not on my man.” 

I did all I could to have her reason with me but her mind was made up. In her mind, I was the enemy. I was the enemy encroaching on her space. I said, “Tilly, listen to me here. I’m not the enemy. Listen to me. It’s your boyfriend who obviously came for me so if you have issues, deal with him and stop worrying me. If you continue pushing me to the wall, one day I would defend myself and you wouldn’t like it.” Of all the sense I spoke to her, she only picked the defensive part and started attacking me on that. “Defend yourself! I say defend yourself. I want to know the woman in you. If you’re made of iron I’m also made of iron. Iron sharpens iron. Bring it on.” All I said was, “Kurasini” and hang up the call.”

READ ALSO: My Sister Has To Choose Between Her Husband and me. I Pray She Chooses Me

Sunday morning, I was returning from Keep Fit when I met one of my co-tenants. He started laughing immediately he saw me. He said, “You’re lucky you left the house this dawn. That crazy lady came here again. She even came with a friend. Who’s equally as crazy as her. They came to display in front of your door. Even when we were telling them you’re out they thought we were lying. They banged on your door asking you to come out if you’re a woman. Finally, we pushed them out. They say they would come again so be on guard.” He was laughing but I didn’t see the fun in that. I picked up my phone and called my ex, “You better speak sense into the head of that lady you call a girlfriend. I have nothing to do with you so why is she still pursuing me? Speak to her before I show her my worse side.” He said he was sorry. He assured me he would settle things with her. He told me, “She won’t come there again, I promise you.” I screamed, “Tell  her not to call my line too again.”

The following Sunday, as early as 5:30am I heard an aggressive knock on my door. A voice followed, “If you say you’re a woman, come out. Come and face me. You say you won’t stop doing ashawo, today I would exorcise the ashawo spirit in you.”

I went to the bathroom, picked a pail, and peed in it. I picked it up and walked towards the door. I opened the main door and saw her and another lady standing there waiting for me. Immediately the lady saw me she told her, “It’s ok let’s go. We’ve shown her enough.” I opened the trap door and quickly threw the urinal on them and locked it up again. I went back in and picked a machete; “If you like break the door and come in here, you’ll see what would remain of your faces.” They were there screaming when my two co-tenants got up with canes and rushed on them and started whipping them with the canes. So I opened the door, took one of the canes, and joined the action. They started running. We pursued them, beating them until they were out on the street. My co-tenant warned; “The next time you come around, it would be worse than this. Are you mad? How dare you come here every morning to disturb our peace?” I added my voice, “I’m reporting you to the police. They will come after you. That’s when you’ll know how silly you are.” 

That was the end of it. I didn’t see her face around the house again. Recently, I was in town when I saw that boy in front of a shop. He saw me too and waved. I didn’t return the wave. Seconds later, Matilda came out of the shop and joined him. She lifted her eyes and saw me. I waved at her but she didn’t wave back. I walked away smiling like a fool. I said in my head, “You two deserve each other. Keep driving the flies off his skin. Such a piece of work!” 

—Naana

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG