When I met her she had a baby. The father of the little girl was not in the picture so she was doing it all alone. I liked her. She was hardworking and respectful. These were qualities I was looking for in the woman I was going to settle down with. I proposed marriage to her and in less than a year we were married.

We’ve been married for fifteen years now and we had two more kids together. A lot has happened since we’ve been married and I just need to get it off my chest.

I am a devout Christian so I kept myself until marriage. The love I have for my wife always makes our intimate moments special. When I am stressed or in a bad mood and we get intimate, I start to feel calm. One thing about her that I like is that she never turns me down. Unless it’s that time of the month. Every time I need her, she gives it to me.

If only she attached the same importance she gives to intimacy to other aspects of our lives, ours would have been a perfect marriage. When I say other aspects of our lives, I am mostly referring to the financial part. My wife is a caterer. I eat her food every day and it’s amazing. She let me understand that she would start some catering services once we settled down.

For the past fifteen years we’ve been married, this woman has not lifted a finger to work. First, she said the kids were too young for her to leave them and work. I understood and left her alone. I am a man so I worked hard and took care of my family.

When the kids became independent, she still refused to work. I appealed to her, “Please, find something to do so you can help me shoulder the burden.” She listened with one ear and pushed the words out through the other. For the past fifteen years, the survival of all of us has been on me. I have complained, pleaded, encouraged, and even reported her to our families. She is still not moved to take up any financial responsibilities. She thinks the only thing she should bring to the table is shuperu.

Due to all my financial burdens, I started resenting her. I could no longer tolerate her touch for comfort and calm. So I turned to a lady at my workplace for comfort. I told her about my marital problems and we went out on a few dates. One day we both got carried away after a night out and we ended up at her place. Needless to say that we had shuperu.

It was a mistake I regretted immediately I came to my senses. We both agreed that it wouldn’t happen again. I am not one to lie to my wife so eventually, I told her what happened. She was hurt. She cried. She called me all sorts of names, but she forgave me.

I thought I had won. I thought I had risen from my little slip-up with grace. Little did I know that my life was about to change. In case you are wondering, I meant my one-night stand got pregnant. She said it was mine. We didn’t use protection so I accepted the pregnancy.

Now, she is also my financial responsibility. She is carrying my child so I have to make sure she is comfortable. I moved her from where she was to a more spacious apartment and furnished it for her. I give her money weekly for upkeep. If I was in a frying pan before, now I am in fire. I was complaining that my wife wouldn’t work to help ease my financial stress, but now I have gone to add more responsibilities to my plate.

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My wife knows about the pregnancy. She didn’t take it well but she hasn’t left. The only thing now, is I can’t complain about her refusal to work anymore. If I try to talk she tells me, “If you didn’t have money you wouldn’t have impregnated another woman.” I know I just have to suck it up and do what I need to do to make the best out of the situation. But it’s hard. I’m crashing under the weight of all the bills I keep paying.

I am taking care of the child that my wife brought into the marriage, the two children we had together, and now there’s another baby on the way. How am I going to keep sane if I keep going like this? How did I get myself into this mess?

I know I have erred but who hasn’t? Now more than ever, I need my wife to work and help me out. That’s why I’m here today. How can I get through to her? What can I say to convince her to be the helper she is supposed to be in my life? Please, I am drowning.

—Milo

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