When I met her she had a baby. The father of the little girl was not in the picture so she was doing it all alone. I liked her. She was hardworking and respectful. These were qualities I was looking for in the woman I was going to settle down with. I proposed marriage to her and in less than a year we were married.
We’ve been married for fifteen years now and we had two more kids together. A lot has happened since we’ve been married and I just need to get it off my chest.
I am a devout Christian so I kept myself until marriage. The love I have for my wife always makes our intimate moments special. When I am stressed or in a bad mood and we get intimate, I start to feel calm. One thing about her that I like is that she never turns me down. Unless it’s that time of the month. Every time I need her, she gives it to me.
If only she attached the same importance she gives to intimacy to other aspects of our lives, ours would have been a perfect marriage. When I say other aspects of our lives, I am mostly referring to the financial part. My wife is a caterer. I eat her food every day and it’s amazing. She let me understand that she would start some catering services once we settled down.
For the past fifteen years we’ve been married, this woman has not lifted a finger to work. First, she said the kids were too young for her to leave them and work. I understood and left her alone. I am a man so I worked hard and took care of my family.
When the kids became independent, she still refused to work. I appealed to her, “Please, find something to do so you can help me shoulder the burden.” She listened with one ear and pushed the words out through the other. For the past fifteen years, the survival of all of us has been on me. I have complained, pleaded, encouraged, and even reported her to our families. She is still not moved to take up any financial responsibilities. She thinks the only thing she should bring to the table is shuperu.
Due to all my financial burdens, I started resenting her. I could no longer tolerate her touch for comfort and calm. So I turned to a lady at my workplace for comfort. I told her about my marital problems and we went out on a few dates. One day we both got carried away after a night out and we ended up at her place. Needless to say that we had shuperu.
It was a mistake I regretted immediately I came to my senses. We both agreed that it wouldn’t happen again. I am not one to lie to my wife so eventually, I told her what happened. She was hurt. She cried. She called me all sorts of names, but she forgave me.
I thought I had won. I thought I had risen from my little slip-up with grace. Little did I know that my life was about to change. In case you are wondering, I meant my one-night stand got pregnant. She said it was mine. We didn’t use protection so I accepted the pregnancy.
Now, she is also my financial responsibility. She is carrying my child so I have to make sure she is comfortable. I moved her from where she was to a more spacious apartment and furnished it for her. I give her money weekly for upkeep. If I was in a frying pan before, now I am in fire. I was complaining that my wife wouldn’t work to help ease my financial stress, but now I have gone to add more responsibilities to my plate.
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My wife knows about the pregnancy. She didn’t take it well but she hasn’t left. The only thing now, is I can’t complain about her refusal to work anymore. If I try to talk she tells me, “If you didn’t have money you wouldn’t have impregnated another woman.” I know I just have to suck it up and do what I need to do to make the best out of the situation. But it’s hard. I’m crashing under the weight of all the bills I keep paying.
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I am taking care of the child that my wife brought into the marriage, the two children we had together, and now there’s another baby on the way. How am I going to keep sane if I keep going like this? How did I get myself into this mess?
I know I have erred but who hasn’t? Now more than ever, I need my wife to work and help me out. That’s why I’m here today. How can I get through to her? What can I say to convince her to be the helper she is supposed to be in my life? Please, I am drowning.
—Milo
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Hmmm asemoo. A devouted Christian and u have stop praying for God to interfere in ur marital problem but rather decided to commit adultery? Without even using protection for the fear of any disease ? Thank God is pregnancy not HIV 😄. According to ur story ur wife never denied u so why made up ur mind to bring trouble to ur self?
You are financially burdened but u have moved her from her initial place that she can managed with pregnancy cuz children are not in yet 💁🏻and even furnished it ?😳 brother u have money 😄
Now ,are u a helping husband in terms of house chores? or the one that sees it as solely the responsibility of a wife? pregnancy and taking care of children + house chores is a whole work on it own , a very difficult task . So I don’t know if u have discussed with ur wife on how u are going to share that responsibility of taking care of the children, in addition to house chores or bringing in Nanny. Catering carrier + 3 children + house chores😉. Maybe suggesting some possible solutions on how she will manage home and the catering job will give a relief that she won’t suffer much. Remember she was hardworking when u met her. There are reasons behind her actions.
Remember to tell the other woman too to work after she has put to bed to relieve ur financial burden as well😏 I wish ur wife will come and give us her side of the story too.
Milo please ask the other woman to also support, you have been able to rent a more spacious place for her and furnished it,you give her money weekly for her upkeep, you said in the story that you want her to be comfortable so why should it be your wife who should work to support you so that you can take care of the other woman, pls carry your cross na some of you create unnecessary problems and pressures and try to drag others in
Lyn you have no idea how mentally draining that thing is. I pray Milo sees my comment. A dependent and unsupportive wife is something I will never wish on anyone. I never knew my mom because I left her at a young age. Less than 12 years. My dad died some years ago and she moved to love with me and I realize how manipulative she is and how my dad suffered even though he gave her stipends every month including accommodation and a job to do. Yet because of dependence none of this was enough plus maintenance culture was bad but this man never mentioned this to us because I know he was saving her face. My brother she sees nothing wrong and will never see nothing wrong with her actions. Please either separate from her and let her go live with her kid alone and keep yours or stay in it like that. But it will be best to move from her. She is toxic. You messed up but she must do right if she still stays in the marriage. Most women tend to punish their husbands after finding out of the cheating ways of their husbands especially when the man fathers a child outside the marriage. Most of these women tend to lose their marriages because they stay in order to punish the man but there’s too much a human being can take. Be wise my brother. Think hard.