I have four women in my life currently that I am dating. It’s not something I set out to do. Why would I plan to date four women simultaneously in my life? I’m not even proud of myself that I’m in this situation. That’s why I’m here hoping to get some help on how to get out of this situation.

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My relationship with each woman is over a year old. I can boldly say that they love me truly. They are with me despite knowing that I have nothing to offer them. If anything, I am the one benefiting more from these relationships.

Apart from the emotional and physical fulfilment they bring me, they shower me with gifts and money too. I want to make it clear that I am not holding onto the material benefits.

Deep in my heart, I feel something for all of them. They all mean something to me. I don’t know if it’s love I feel or lust but I do know there’s affection when I think about them.

I didn’t think it was possible to have feelings for two women at the same time, let alone four. But here I am. I am trying to even understand myself but I can’t.

Maybe I’ve lost my way in life, or maybe “ashawo” dey my eye top. Whatever my problem could be, I just want to stop. I don’t want to keep living my life like this.

The shameful part about my lifestyle is that they were all virgins till they met me. I was the one who took that away from them. Somehow they all thought I was worth being their first.

I know I have messed up. I have tried to fix things by letting them go but they hold on tightly to me. All of them. They get emotional and beg me to stay.

“I don’t want to live a life you are not part of,” one said.

“I will hurt myself if you leave me,” another threatened.

These women cry as if my presence in their lives is essential for their existence. I feel bad when I see their tears so I end up staying. I know I am not doing them any good by not standing my ground but I also don’t want to be the reason behind a woman’s tears.

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Two of these women are in their second year in the university. The other two are working. They have their whole lives ahead of them and deserve to be loved by men who won’t juggle them alongside other women.

How do I get them to stop loving me so that they can move on? I feel like the sooner things end, the better it will be for us. Because no matter how much I don’t want to hurt them, I won’t be able to marry all of them.

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Besides, I am still very young. Marriage is the furthest thing from my mind. I’m only twenty-two. That’s why I’m looking for a peaceful way to end things so that nobody gets hurt.

I need all the help I can get from the elders who have gone before me. You people should see yourselves as my fathers, mothers, uncles, aunties, grandparents, and big brothers and sisters, and give me some guidance out of this mess I created with my own hands.

—Kofi

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