I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself struggling with a gambling addiction. This is something I always believed was far away. I even used to judge gambling addicts. I saw them as people who had no discipline, or who simply had money in abundance and didn’t know what to do with it.

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Well, when it happened to me, I understood that my judgment was misplaced. The surprising part is that I am a student. I don’t have money, let alone have it in abundance. Yet, I still fell into this addictive haze. It nearly ruined my life. Would you believe that I even used my fees to gamble? Everything.

That was when I knew I had to do something about my situation. During that dark period, I confided in a coursemate. He had been a good friend to me, so I sought his help to conquer my demons.

Even with that, I didn’t tell him the entire truth. I told him I couldn’t pay my fees because my family was going through a hard time. “I will have to defer the course,” I lamented. Oh, I had spent my hostel fees too. So I added that to the lie about the school fees.

He responded with kindness—or better put, he seized the opportunity to confess his feelings for me. “I have always been in love with you, but I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said.

To be honest, I didn’t have any feelings for him beyond caring for him as a friend. But I was desperate. I felt he would help me based on the belief that I loved him too, so why not fake it?

Truly, he helped me sort out my fees. As for accommodation, he couldn’t help me with cash. His proposal was that I move in with him. He lives in a rented apartment close to campus. Again, I told myself, “Why not do it?”

Given my situation, I was ready to accept whatever he was willing to give me. He told me he loved me and that I could move in with him.

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Given my situation, I was willing to do anything. I kept telling myself, “Maybe when I live under the same roof with him, the love will grow.” I meant it. After all, they say love is nurtured.

He has been nothing but supportive ever since we moved in together. With his consistent encouragement, I am no longer a gambling addict. I was so happy the day I finally quit. Despite the fact that he is also a student, he is always in a hurry to provide for me. I don’t let him do all of it, though. Now that I don’t gamble anymore, I don’t run out of the money my parents give me. So I also contribute my part to our living expenses.

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Now, I’m writing this from home—I mean my parents’ place. School is on vacation. Before I left Olu’s place, I was sure that I still didn’t feel anything romantic toward him. But now that I am back home, I miss him. It’s confusing. I can’t tell if what I’m feeling is love or merely attachment.

As I struggle with these feelings, I have decided not to return to his place when school reopens. He is a good guy. I believe he deserves to be with someone who loves him and is sure of it. However, I am concerned that if I let him go, I would be losing someone precious. His kind is a rare gem. Am I being selfish for thinking this way? Also, how do I know if what I’m feeling is love?

—Beauty

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