I have been dating Philip for the past six years. I love him with every fibre of my being. He also loves me more than words can say. I know this because he would do anything in order not to lose me. He is unemployed but he strives hard to help me out financially whenever I need a helping hand. When I am sick, he is there to support me. He would do my laundry, cook for me, clean, and wash the dirty dishes. He is really doing well for me.
He even caught me cheating on him twice and forgave me. I am not proud of the things I have done against him but I feel lost. I know all he wants from me is my loyalty and although I love him dearly, I am not able to give him that. I am only twenty-six. I feel I am too young not to have fun and explore the world out there. I am not ready to be tied down yet, you know. There are a lot of amazing experiences I am yet to have a taste of.
Currently, I have a side man. I met him a few months ago. This guy struck a chord in me so I had to get to know him. Unlike Philip, he is so mature and quick to apologize and let things go when I offend him. He knows about Philip yet he is still with me. He tells me, “Your man doesn’t appreciate you enough.” We spend a lot of time together. I know that if Philip finds out about him it would crush him but I can’t help myself. Just the other day, we were in his car talking and things got heated between us. We did a lot of things but we didn’t go all the way.
After we finished, he dropped me off at Philip’s place. I still had his touch and smell on me when I went to lie on my boyfriend’s bed. I felt really bad about what I had done but I cannot bring myself to put a stop to it. I told Francis, “I feel guilty about what we are doing. It’s not fair to my boyfriend.” He responded, “Don’t beat yourself up over it. We haven’t had sex yet, so technically, you haven’t cheated on him. We are just two adults enjoying each other’s company. Don’t worry too much about it.” I like the way he calms me down when I am overcome by guilt. I believe I am even falling in love with him.
I have reached a point where I always want to see this guy. Sometimes I beg him to come and see me. It’s like I won’t be able to breathe properly if I am not in his presence. I am always calling and texting him to the neglect of my boyfriend. My feelings for my side man are affecting my relationship with Philip but I can’t seem to care. He has noticed that I am giving my attention to another man. It’s hurting him but I keep assuring him that there is nothing going on beyond friendship.
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At this stage, I know that I am the problem. I have a good man who is doing everything he can to hold on to me, yet my heart and mind are on Francis. Maybe I am just enjoying the thrill of being chased by him. Or it could be that I am addicted to him. Some people have addictive personalities, you know? There have been times when I have cancelled plans I made with Philip just to be with him. Even now, if I had my way I would stop spending time with my boyfriend so I could spend more time with him, Francis. Is this normal?
There are things Francis says that make me giggle like a teenager. When my boyfriend says the same things, I would get angry and tell him he is not serious. People have seen me with him and they are asking questions, “Who is that new guy you are spending so much time with? Is your boyfriend comfortable with how close you two are?” I just tell them, “Francis is just my friend. Philip knows about him and he doesn’t mind.” However, when we meet we do things that are more than what friends do. The only thing stopping us from having shuperu is that I have not been to his place yet. That’s a line I am determined not to cross.
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This wouldn’t sound believable but I value my relationship with Philip. I can’t just walk away from someone I have been with for six years. That’s why I need help to do away from Francis. He is not making it easy for me to stop seeing him. I really need help. I have made mistakes in the past but none of the men got to me like this. It was easy for me to call things off and work things out with my boyfriend. But now, it feels impossible to move on from this new man. What can I do to get him out of my system so I can go back to my man in peace? I don’t want to hurt him again.
–Yaa
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#SB
Run my dear Run. He will hurt u badly eh!!!block him on all platforms. Runnnn oooh!
Its the thrill ,the exictement. But the aftermath is catastrophic.
Trust me i have been were u are
What you are feeling is lust not love .Lust does only one thing it leaves you in regrett .Pray and ask God for strength to withstand the temptations of the flesh whiles you do so cut the side man off for good. YOU have a good man many are praying for ,he is a diamond in the mist of counterfeit ones because you do not have good eyes you do not see it but rather you choose to want the counterfeit one .My dear be wise before you loose something good.
If your boyfriend decides to end things with you because of the cheating, your side guy is not likely to ever make you his girlfriend. If he does he will never trust you or respect you. We all get tempted but try hard not to yield.
I am in dsame predicament right now, me nd m6 fiancee have been together for 12years bur few months ago she fell inlove with her coursemate, even though she has blocked him nd deleted his number, i still find it had trusting her 100% again. We have even fixed our wedding date but everyday i still feel hurt inside though i have forgiven her but its hard to forget… Good men nd sincere boyfriends are had to find nd wen u find one please hold tight cuz most side men would use nd dump u nd before u realise it ur real bf wud b long gone nd u can neva find it again
In this world, you can only deceive yourself! I strongly believe that you are trying to hang on to both men. Don’t deceive yourself, at one point you beg him to come see you, at a point you feel like you would never be able to breathe if you don’t see him, then you are saying he doesn’t want to leave you alone. You contradict yourself. It’s you who doesn’t want to let him go. You are so much into him so stop deceiving yourself. You are enjoying his goodies.
One thing you should know, he will leave you immediately he finishes with you and you leave your boyfriend.
Come to think of it, your boyfriend deserves better, you don’t deserve love. If he is a good why are you cheating on him? He definitely deserves better. Let him go after all he’s not rich.
You are just being a self-centered, selfish, irresponsible, and an ungrateful lustful girl.
If your boyfriend was the one doing what you are doing to him, would you take it lightly.
Truth is, if you don’t stop this stupidity, you’ll lose a good man in your boyfriend, and this other would have finished USING YOU and damp you.
WISE UP
Francis is using you for what you have. He is just being a man. Philip loves you and have dedicated so much to you. There are two things, if you want to he selfish and carefree, please yourself but if you care enough about others feelings then treat Phillip better. Know that you will reap whatever you plant
Girl, follow your heart. From what I have deduced your boyfriend Phillip does not complete you. And I do not think this will change in the future. Forget the people who are advising you based on the goodness of what Phillip has done for you. These are the things boyfriend’s should normally do in relationships, taking care of the woman. 6 years is a long time and i believe you are a kind of woman who loves mature men and it seems your boyfriend isn’t quite there. Ask yourself is this really about Francis or it’s just that you are afraid to take the big step and call it quits with Phillip. Francis is like the perfect picture of what kind of man you would probably go for. I advise to let go of both men and find yourself first. In the end you matter the most.Follow your gut feeling and do not be swayed by the harsh comments of some people . Every woman has a right to chose what’s best for her and if you decide to go out there and explore , no one should judge you. But explore without baggage and you will eventually find what is true.
All the best.