We’ve dated for three years. He wants to marry me, but I don’t want to marry him. It’s not even about him. It’s about marriage. I don’t want to be a wife or have anything to do with marriage.

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I’ve seen enough—my elder sister’s marriage is a prime example. She’s currently stuck in a marriage that offers nothing but suffering. Meanwhile, her husband started as a good, kind man. I don’t know what marriage does to people or what’s in marriage that changes them.

So I told him, “I don’t want to waste your time, but if you want to marry as a matter of urgency and necessity, then you can marry someone else. I won’t be angry, and I won’t count it against you.”

My reason sounds alien to him, so he asked me, “You want us to be forever this way? Boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Currently, I’m not ready for a child, but when I’m ready, I would want to have a child with a man who’s ready to have one and is committed to taking care of the child with me. We don’t have to live together. He can even go ahead and marry someone else—I don’t mind. It’s a baby I need, and he gave it to me.

I’ve explained this to him in detail, but somehow, he thinks he can change me by showing me too much love. I tell him, “I love you as a person. You’re already doing enough. I can give you everything you want in this relationship—but not marriage.”

My mom called. She shouted insults throughout the call. My boyfriend had reported me to her. My dad thinks the devil speaks through me and that I need deliverance.

I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room

I’m twenty-eight. They’re all saying age will change me—that when I’m thirty, I’ll change my mind. So he’s waiting until I’m thirty to see if I’ll chase marriage the way others do. I’d be happy for him if he’s right, but it’s not likely, so I’ve told him to look elsewhere for marriage.

—Jenny

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