I will be having my dowry payment in March and my white wedding in April, God willing, but I have feelings for another person. This is my story. I’m a lady who turned thirty-one recently. After a series of failed relationships, I decided to stay away from love for a while. I was in a different region working when I got a better job in the Central Region. So I moved there. Within the first year in my new place of work, I got acquainted with a gentleman named Kojo. Now, before I met him, I received a marriage proposal from a guy called Sam. I turned down the proposal because I didn’t know Sam well enough to be with him.

It was a few months after that proposal that I moved to the Central Region and met Kojo. Sam also lives in the Central Region and we even attend the same church. This gave me the opportunity to observe him from afar and get to know him. Back at work, Kojo and I forged a closeness that was beyond the relationship between mere colleagues. I had taken some time to observe him and decided that I liked him, before getting close to him. A mutual friend who knew me long ago tried to play matchmaker for us. Other people also often said, “You two look good together. If you are not a couple yet, then you have to give it a try.”

Soon, I started to think of Kojo as a love interest. I showed him all the obvious signs for him to know that I was interested in him. He also did things that made me feel he liked me but he never said anything to that effect. I even began to wonder if he was in a relationship I didn’t know about. Because I didn’t understand what else could prevent him from telling me how he felt. The next year after we met, he still hadn’t said anything. I got tired of waiting for him so I gave up hope of being with him.

By then I had seen enough of Sam to know that he is a good man. So I went to him and told him, “I turned you down when you proposed to me because I didn’t know you very well. I know you now and I want to be with you, if only you will have me.” He was excited that I finally said yes to him. And he made a lot of promises to be the best man I have ever had. Truthfully, I didn’t choose him because of love. I chose him because he was available to me and he seemed like the type who knew what he wanted. I only hoped that I would grow to love him along the line.

Exactly one week after Sam and I got together, Kojo proposed, “I have enjoyed knowing you these past few months. We both know that there is something brewing between us. I didn’t want to make any move until I was certain that we would work out. So I took my time to study you and I like what I have seen so far. Will you be my girlfriend?” Oh, I cried that day. “Look what you made me do,” I thought, “I waited for you for months and just when I said yes to someone else, you are here pouring out your heart to me?” I didn’t know how to go and tell Sam that I couldn’t be with him anymore. Our church knew about us so the whole relationship was beyond just the two of us.

I explained my situation to Kojo and he cried, “Until I see a ring on your finger, I won’t give up fighting for your love.” I also couldn’t stay away from him. So we started getting closer and closer as the days went by. During vacations, he would come to my end and we would take walks and have fun. I barely gave attention to Sam, and at a point, his dad passed on. This created an even bigger gap between us. It didn’t take too much effort to walk away from the relationship after that. After the breakup, I told Kojo, “Sam and I are no longer together so I can officially be yours now.”

READ MORE: I Thought Running To Christ Will Save Me From My Demons

Immediately, Kojo got annoyed, “So you mean I am your second choice? A backup plan you fall on when your first choice hits the rocks?” I was surprised. I couldn’t understand his behaviour. He started withdrawing from me. I cried. I explained to him that he is the one I have always wanted. I did everything possible to hold onto him. He eventually agreed to stay but it was chaotic. He would pick fights with me about things everyone else would consider irrelevant. Through all this, I held on to him as I held on to hope. But his behaviour remained unchanged. So somewhere in November last year, I decided that enough was enough. “I won’t cry for him again,” I resolved. True, he is a caring guy. Although he wasn’t acting right, he would give me money to pay my utility bills for the year. He insisted on giving me money even when I didn’t need it. I also spent my money on him and he loved that about me.

However, all of these sweet gestures were not enough to give me the assurance that he wanted to be with me. I didn’t feel secure with his cold attitude and inconsistency. I asked myself, “What if after all this, he decides that he doesn’t want me? Sam is here begging me for a second chance? Why not focus my attention on him and see if things will work out this time around?” That’s how I gave Sam another chance and we have gone ahead to fix our wedding date.

Now that things have reached this stage, Kojo is now working hard to show me that he loves me. He is someone who doesn’t talk much but shows true actions. It’s just frustrating that he didn’t show those actions when I needed him to. I just wanted him to add a little voice and assure me that he wants me, but he didn’t do that. I love him so much, but here I am, engaged to be married in a few weeks’ time. I don’t love the man I am going to marry but I am counting on time to help me grow and nurture the love. I have not been able to tell Kojo that I am marrying Sam. I find myself wishing that something will go wrong so that Sam would break off the engagement. I can’t stand the thought of leaving him for a second time. All my family members are awaiting our wedding.

It’s My Brother Who Helps My Husband To Cheat On Me–Beads Media 

I am weighing the pros and cons between the two men. Sam is my church member while Kojo is from another church. Kojo is cool, and whenever he is around me, I see and know he is very happy but I can’t say the same for Sam. Every teacher at the school we teach at is rooting for me and Kojo. They don’t know that Sam is in the picture, while my family expects me to marry Sam. They don’t know about Kojo. Please help me out here, Should I just go ahead and marry Sam and hope to love him greatly after marriage? Or should I choose Kojo, a man I am so much in love with?

—Yaa

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