Right from the moment I met her, I wanted to be with her. Before I held a conversation with her, I was content to admire her from afar and occasionally make eye contact with her and smile at her. Gradually, we moved from silently admiring each other to saying “hello, how are you?” every time our paths crossed at work. I was like a high school boy with a crush. I looked forward to when we would sit together and have a meaningful conversation. Because she always looked smart in her work clothes and she took her job seriously, I assumed she would have the intellectual depth to satisfy my sapiosexual tendencies. So I built a whole personality for her in my head before I got close enough to know her.

Along the line, we moved from exchanging greetings at work to having real talks. We talked both at work and outside work. And I must admit, the first conversation I had with her was anticlimactic. A lot of the things I said went over her head. She either gave me a response completely unrelated to our conversation or she would say, “I am not sure I understand what you mean. Can you break it down for me?” I had to dumb down, or better said, simplify my words before she understood anything I said. I tried not to let the disappointment that came with that eat me up. “She is human,” I thought, “Humans evolve. This means that Juliet will change if I give her the opportunity. I can recommend some of the books I read to her. So that she would read them and expand her knowledge base.

Although I didn’t consider her an intellectual match, I liked her enough to want to date her and help her get better. So I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. Just as it was clear to me that I had more exposure than her, it was clear to her as well that she needs to improve herself in order to catch up with me. She tried, and I saw her efforts. She read books, engaged in intellectually stimulating dialogues, and asked questions if something was unclear to her. Seeing her put in so much effort to be better for me, made me fall in love with her. The only problem was, nothing she did made her better. Her ideologies and her way of thinking remain unchanged. I still have to dilute my speech in order for her to understand anything I say.

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I don’t understand what her problem is. We work together so I know that she is not a dumb person. The kind of work we do involves critical thinking and constantly solving problems on our feet. That’s why I built high expectations for her in my mind, and that’s why I don’t understand why all her attempts to improve herself have failed. I have tried everything I know but she is still where she is, while I keep advancing in knowledge. Because of this, the gap between us keeps getting wider. And holding a conversation with her feels like a tedious chore. The effort it takes me to simplify things for her takes the joy out of talking to her. So our conversations have become very dry as a result. But she is okay with everything. She has accepted that things won’t get better and that we are fine just as we are.

The Problem Started When I Spent The Money I Found In His Laundry–Beads Media

We have been together for twenty months now and I love her very much. So it hurts me to know that if I want to freely talk to someone without breaking down my ideas, then I would have to turn to my friends or colleagues. What kind of partnership do we have then? I should be able to discuss my ideas and plans with the woman I am going to marry, for her to add her ideas to mine to make them better. But it isn’t like that with my Juliet. She would just listen to me talk and then respond, “It’s a good idea. We both know that you are the smart one here, so I will support whatever you decide to do.” This may work for some people but it’s a complete turn-off for me.

It’s a new year now and I feel pained continuing to be in this relationship. She’s not at all a bad person. That’s why I have tried to ignore her low points and focus on her strengths but the equation is still not balanced. I am afraid of what the future of this relationship looks like. I don’t know how else to help her, nor do I know how best to break up with her, considering the fact that she has done me no wrong. Am I just being unrealistic? Or I’m just asking for too much? I mean her well but I feel so behind each time I need to slow down or come down to her level. I believe that at this stage of our relationship, we should be flying together with awesome ideas and achieving great things together. Yet here we are, crawling at a snail’s pace. My biggest fear indeed is that I will get married to her and the rest of my life will look like this. What do I do?

–Romeo

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