Back in the university, I had a lot of men coming my way but I didn’t pay attention to them. My main concern was to focus on my books. I had seen my friends suffer one disappointment after the other in their relationships, and I didn’t want to go through that. I was the preacher among them. I used to tell them to concentrate on their studies. I constantly preached to the ones who were sleeping with people’s husbands and asked them to change their ways. The funny thing is, now those girls are all married. Anyway, back to my story. While I was still at the university, I met Kelvin. He was two years older than me but we were in the same class. I believe I only agreed to be with him because I also wanted a boyfriend so I could fit in with my friends.

Dating Kelvin was not what I expected. He was too playful for my liking. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t connect with him. So we ended things and became good friends. He is currently one of my best friends. The next relationship I went into was with Kwaku, a medical student. At the time we were introduced, he was living abroad. So we built a solid friendship until he came to Ghana. It was after we met each other in person that we started dating. Our relationship was okay but he couldn’t pass his license exams. So he was really frustrated the entire time he was here. I did my best to encourage him. And I saw that he was determined not to give up.

We strived to make things work. When he got broke I supported him with the little that I had. He also shared whatever he had with me. I believed I had found someone I belonged with. I told myself, “Just because things are hard now doesn’t mean they won’t get better. I trust that when all things work for our good, we will share our testimony and give glory to God.” And honestly, we were fine. Then two years into our relationship Kwaku made friends with a lady who lives in the States. He was very obsessed with living in America, so he told me that the lady promised to help him relocate to America. I didn’t feel right about their friendship but I also didn’t want to be the one to come between him and his American dream so I didn’t say anything.

A year after he met this lady, she was all he could talk about. He didn’t even realize he was always talking about her. On his birthday, for instance, I wanted to organize a little party for him but he told me he didn’t want it. He said he would prefer it if I used the money to do something fruitful. Only for me to find out that this lady of his was in Ghana and had organised a party for him. I confronted him and he swore he didn’t know anything like that was going to happen. And he maintained that there was nothing going on between them. In August of that year, Kwaku told me, “My American friend has been very good to me. I want to show my gratitude by posting her on my WhatsApp.” I didn’t like it but I said okay. The day he posted her I had a dream. In the dream, someone told me, “Be vigilant. You’ve lost your man.”

After the dream, I asked Kwaku to tell me what was really going on. That was when he confessed that he was dating the American lady. I was hurt. “Why did you do that to me? Where did I go wrong?” I asked him. In his defence, he said, “You shouldn’t have had any expectations for this relationship. I never asked you to be my girlfriend, nor did I ever tell you that I love you. It is your fault that you are disappointed.” Wow! That was the only reaction I could muster. It seemed everything we went through didn’t mean anything to him. I was just a placeholder until he found what he truly wanted. And what he wanted was to travel abroad, and the American lady gave him that. She helped him to join her, and they are now happily married.

After Kwaku, I didn’t date anyone for a whole year. I nursed my broken heart till it became whole again. Then I went to a friend’s wedding. There, I met a guy called Owura. We started talking and I got to know he has two kids with a lady he dated. I wasn’t bothered by his kids. After all, if it was the other way around I would expect a man to marry me. So we started dating. Things began on a rough patch but along the line, things got smoother. Then a year later, things got rough again. Because of the love I had for him, I held on as we fought through our hurdles. And before the year ended, our love regained its spark. After all the stress, we were finally in a good place. Everything between us was just so perfect. I was excited that I didn’t give up on us when things were bad. I was convinced that he was the one for me.

What Would You Do If You Caught Me Cheating On You?–Beads Media

Then in June 2021, he lost his job. He couldn’t keep up with life in Accra with two kids and no job, so he relocated to his hometown. I too had been unemployed since the banking crisis struck in 2018. But I managed to do a few businesses here and there to keep me going. So I understood what Owura was going through as an unemployed man. I stood by his side and did the best I could for him. That was until he met a lady who lives five minutes away from him. This lady is also a single parent so they bonded over that. It all started as a normal friendship till the lady started cooking for him and taking extra care of his children. She even went as far as paying for the kids’ medical bills when they fell ill. Soon, Owura, the man I fought so hard to keep fell deeply into the arms of that woman. He feels she will look after his children if he is unable to.  I didn’t have any choice but to remove myself from the equation so that they can be the family they want to be. All of this happened within a span of three weeks.

We broke up in September last year, which intensified my heartache because when I lost Kwaku too it was in September. Now that I am thinking of it, I lost my job in September as well. And the most painful of it all was when I lost my father in September. Now, it looks like the month of September hasn’t been good to me. I wish I could rewrite the awful memories it has given me with a happy story, but here I am; single and jobless. I believe that if I had money, I wouldn’t have lost any of my men. So I am here asking myself if anyone can ever love a thirty-three-year-old unemployed woman.

–Nana Yaa

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