My entire life, I have only had eyes for one girl. Her name is Dyna. We were in high school together. Although I admired her deeply, the courage to talk to her eluded me. I was very drawn to how eloquently she spoke the English Language. And her voice was sweet music to my ears. As for her presence, I don’t have the right words to describe it. All I know is that she carries a fire that warms everyone close to her.

I continued to admire her from a distance. Once in a while, we would run into each other and exchange greetings. I never attempted to have a conversation with her. She was in the home economics class, while her identical twin sister and I were in the science class.

One day the twin who was in my class came to tell me, “Kelvin, Dyna wants to be your friend.” This happened in our third year when we were gearing up for our WASSCE exams. I had made a promise to my late grandmother that I wouldn’t date until I completed high school. Because of this, I ignored Dyna’s request to be my friend.

After I completed school, Dyna and I became friends on Facebook. She was barely online so we couldn’t talk. It robbed me of the opportunity to get close to her. It really bothered me especially when I didn’t have a way of contacting her twin sister either. I vividly remember praying for a chance to reconnect with her.

Then in 2018, as I was about to enter my fourth year of university, luck smiled upon me. I met Dyna’s sister in the town. The first thing I said to her was, “Where is Dyna?” We both burst into laughter after I said it. Thankfully, her sister kindled our connection on WhatsApp.

As we started talking, my feelings for her grew bigger. So I felt compelled to confess my love for her. She also confessed; “I also have feelings for you. I have always liked you, but now you are too late. I have a boyfriend.” I didn’t mind. I continued to be her friend. I would call to check up on her and we would catch up on our lives. I wanted more but that was what I could get at the moment so I took it like that.

In 2019, her relationship came to an end. I sympathized with her, but I was secretly happy that I now had a chance of winning her heart. I offered her my shoulder when she needed a good cry. And when she started smiling again, my heart smiled too. By and by, she got better and I mustered the courage to propose to her. She didn’t say yes. And she didn’t say no either. We continued to talk so I was hopeful.

One day, we were talking when she mentioned visiting me. I thought she was joking so I dismissed the idea. Only for me to hear my name while I was taking a walk on campus. I turned and it was her. I was overjoyed. I also felt sad that I didn’t have enough money to give her a fancy treat.

Three days into her visit, she accepted my proposal. My happiness increased. We talked about our future. While I was in school, she had yet to apply to nursing school. Given her culinary skills, I steered her towards hospitality management, and she embraced the idea. She secured admission to TTU and I supported her through her studies and paid for her accommodation.

The journey wasn’t easy, but she persevered through the challenges. She was still in school while I was doing my national service, so I used my allowance to help her whenever she came running. After my national service, my desire to venture into entrepreneurship met resistance from my father, who insisted I pursue a master’s degree. I wasn’t ready to pursue my master’s so I ignored him.

While I was in a power struggle with my dad over the course my future should take, I was broke. My inability to support her financially led to tension in the relationship. I found myself starting unnecessary quarrels, which at times led to temporary breakups.

She eventually recognized a pattern: that my fights were often tied to my financial difficulties. So she urged me to trust that God would provide for our needs. Despite her understanding nature, I broke up with her again. As a result, I stopped checking up on her.

In an attempt to get my attention, she posted her ex on social media. I saw it and got jealous. When I confronted her we talked and got back together. However, the cycle of breakups and reunions continued. She tried to work on herself so it would be better. But my financial challenges were the cause of everything.

Out of frustration, I did what my dad asked and went back to school to do my master’s. After Dyna’s HND, she further enrolled in a beautician school. She needed money to buy beautician equipment, and she counted on me to provide it. I didn’t have money and it bothered me that I was letting her down.

Out of desperation, I suggested “If you meet someone who can provide your needs, go for that person. It will be better for you than staying with me.” After enunciating my childish thought, she hung up the call. It was then I knew the extent to which I messed up. I tried to correct my mistake but it was too late. She blocked me. And I have not heard from her ever since then.

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Now, I am nearing the end of my master’s program, and I am 28 years old. I find myself without a partner and the prospect of marriage seems elusive. The bittersweet journey that started in secondary school has led to a poignant end, leaving me with regret and a heart heavy with the weight of missed chances. I hope that wherever she is, she is doing okay.

Now, despite my efforts to connect with girls on campus and receiving proposals from two ladies, I can’t find any spark there. It’s as though my heart still lingers in the past, preventing me from fully embracing new possibilities. I’ve come to realize that I haven’t fully moved on from my previous experiences. So I’ve made a conscious decision this time around, to focus on completing my master’s studies and securing a job before delving into another relationship.

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I have come to accept that these experiences, while often seen as heartbreaks, have actually shaped me in a unique way. I prefer to call them “heart shapes.” They’ve been valuable lessons that have matured me and provided insights into how to navigate relationships with wisdom. Each twist and turn in my journey has contributed to my growth and understanding of what it means to be emotionally resilient and responsible.

As I move forward, I’m inspired to let these experiences guide me, appreciating them for the wisdom they’ve bestowed upon me. I’ve learned that life’s intricate storylines, whether heartwarming or challenging, all contribute to our development into stronger, wiser individuals. With this perspective, I step into the future, open to love and learning, carrying my heart shapes as badges of honour on my journey of self-discovery.

—Kelvin 

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