Growing up I made a number of promises to myself. One of them has to do with sexual purity. I told myself that I would keep myself for marriage. That no matter how strong the temptation, I wouldn’t cower. These were things I told myself when I was I was in JHS 2. I was a child but I knew I wanted to do this.

In high school, I was an athlete. I was so good at my sports that I got a lot of attention. There was no one in the school who didn’t know me. The fame came with a lot of people. They were mostly girls. Maybe they were drawn to the allure of it all. Maybe they genuinely liked me and wanted us to be friends. Whatever it was they wanted, I treated them the way I did all my male friends. No special attention.

The truth is, even if they showed clear signs that they liked me I wouldn’t know. My mind wasn’t on romantic stuff or sexual relations so I couldn’t tell.

I met a couple of those ladies after we completed high school. I was so happy to meet them again that I was practically all over them. But of course, it was all in a platonic way. Weirdly enough, these girls didn’t embrace me with the same nostalgia I harboured toward them. They acted cold and distant.

I directly asked some of them why they were acting off. They didn’t tell me. It took a while before it dawned on me that it was because they had certain interests in me that I didn’t reciprocate. Back then I was too naïve to see it.

Among the tall list of women, there were three among them I was closest to. These ones didn’t shy away from me after high school. One of them remained my friend when we were at the university. That lady almost had me. She came onto me so strongly.

It happened when I was on campus. She called out of the blue and said, “Hey, I miss you. Don’t you think it’s been too long since we saw each other?” Indeed it had been long. We were good friends in high school and I had missed her. By the time the call ended, I had agreed to her request to visit me.

When she showed up we were in my room alone. She made advances toward me but I resisted her. It isn’t that she is not beautiful. She had all the curves and femininity of a woman. Also, we were friends so I liked her. I am sure if I wanted to get intimate with her it wouldn’t have been a problem for me. However, I didn’t do it. It went against everything I believe in.

A few years after that incident I ran into her in town. She held a child by the hand. We had a brief chat and  went our separate ways.

I was sitting there one day when a realization hit me. “Wait, how old is Maabena’s child?” I asked myself. The question was rhetorical. She had mentioned the child’s age to me the day we met so I already know. All I had to do was make some calculations. Guess what I concluded? It tallied with the time she came to visit me.

To be sure, I called her. “Were you already pregnant when you visited me on campus back in the day?” She paused for a minute, probably to do her own calculations, and then answered; “Oh yes, I was. I had just found out I was pregnant.” What else could I have said? The only word that kept replaying in my head was, “Wow!”

Was she trying to entrap me? I didn’t have the courage to ask her this. All I know is, maybe if I had gone ahead to get intimate with her, we may be contesting the paternity of the child by now. This is someone I was interested in so it could’ve worked easily. The only thing that saved me was the promise I made to myself.

What was she trying to achieve by trying to get together with me when she knew she was already with child? Only she knows.

Anyway, that friendship fizzled out over the course of time. I had another lady I was close with during my national service days. She also cut me off when the service ended. We didn’t fight. She just chose to end the friendship. Now that I think of it, I think she was trying to get my attention in other ways beyond friendship but I didn’t reciprocate that energy.

This leads me to the question, “Why do some ladies treat men like they did something wrong if we don’t reciprocate their affection?” This issue weighs on me because I really liked the connection and friendship I had with these ladies. A part of me hoped we would remain close friends for life but they didn’t want it.

Sometimes too I feel some women can be impatient when it comes to relationships. I liked another one of these ladies. However, I wasn’t ready to start anything yet. I was trusting the process but she chose to cut me off.

A while back, I ran into her while I was with my fiancée. I introduced my lady to her and told her about our impending nuptials. She jokingly told me, “Congratulations but I will cry on your wedding day.” Well, if she was a little patient maybe it could have been her.

She Calls My Mom A Witch Because Of This…


I am sharing my story because I feel the world has become too sexual. Everyone seems to be doing it so when you are not doing it, you might feel you are doing something wrong. Why is it absurd that I am almost thirty but I am still a virgin? People don’t believe me when I tell them I have never been intimate with a woman.

There are only two people in my life who don’t doubt me. Anyway, I just want to tell anyone here who has decided to be celibate until marriage not to give up. There are others like us out here.

—Ken

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB