My family was planning a small party to celebrate Eid. My brother and I were in charge of chairs, tables, and canopies. So prior to the day of the party, we went to a rental shop to book the chairs and the canopies. The receptionist at the place was polite and very welcoming. My brother and I were both taken by her, but it was my brother who made the first move. “You should come to the party,” he invited her. When she smiled he said, “Oh, I am serious. I want to see you there. Bring along a friend to keep my brother company.” She agreed before we left.

On the day of the party, she showed up with a friend as promised. My brother was busy so I had to keep them company. The friend Adjoa brought to be my date didn’t tickle my fancy. I couldn’t even hold a simple conversation with her without getting bored out of my mind. It was rather Adjoa, the secretary at the rental shop, that I found myself getting drawn to. So I ignored her friend and started talking to her. At the end of the day, it was her number I took.

The connection I felt toward her deepened when we started talking on the phone every day. The more we talked the more we fed it, and the more we fed it, the more it grew deeper and more intense. One day I decided to lay my cards on the table. “I want to marry you,” I proposed. She asked if I was sure. “I don’t lie,” I answered.

The fact that I am a Muslim and she isn’t made things difficult for us when we were ready to get married. However, we were so in love that we decided to endure the challenges, and triumph in the end. God being so good, our perseverance paid off. It took years but eventually, it happened. Our families gave us their blessings and we got married.

When we got married, we thought we won. We were so happily naming our unborn children and picking out schools for them. Ours was supposed to be a simple and happy family. However, it became a family that struggled to bear children. It took us a couple of years of disappointments, waiting, praying, and trying medications before the merciful and faithful God blessed us with a son. A year later, we received the blessing of a second son.

Adjoa is one beautiful woman. It was one of the things that had me attached to her. I always wanted to be with her. After work, I would run home giddy with excitement, just to go and be with my wife. On weekends, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I felt I wasn’t spending enough time with her so weekends made it possible to get the most time with her.

She likes cooking and baking. I thought it was just a hobby until she started doing it commercially. First, she started with spring rolls and samosa. It was a small business that was doing well. Soon enough, the demand increased, and so did her supply. This took most of her time. She became so busy that she barely had time for me. I tried to be supportive but her schedule started affecting our sex life. That was when I started having problems with her.

I would touch my wife and she would push my hand away saying, “I am tired. Leave me alone.” On nights she didn’t push me away she would say, “Hurry up and get it over with.” Because of this, I would have to wait till dawn on some days to have her. When she realized this, she started waking up so early to go and make the spring rolls, such that by the time I am up, she is already busy.

The romance and passion that possessed us when we first got married was dead. We lived like two platonic friends. I didn’t like that my wife had changed so much toward me. What happened to all that love we held on to when we stood against all the odds? I felt neglected by her.

Of course, I fought to hold on to what we had. I did everything a man could do to spark up his marriage but she responded with the coldness of a dead fish. It was apparent her mind was made up when it came to loving me or I should rather say, unloving me. When someone falls out of love with you, even the way you breathe irritates them. Imagine living with a woman who no longer wants you. She was always ready to hang my head on a spike at the slightest provocation.

Our once peaceful home became a war zone. I was beginning to feel like a failure. What kind of man watches his home fall apart and does nothing? I wanted to do something before everything would be lost so I started thinking a lot.

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I work with machines. One day I got distracted at work and got hurt. It was bad. I ended up in the hospital where it was discovered that I am diabetic. I lost a body part due to the injury and my illness. “Who is going to take care of me now that my wife can’t stand me anymore?” I worried.

To my surprise, Adjoa stayed by my side throughout my treatment. When I was discharged from the hospital too, she was with me. At home, she took care of me as though I was a baby.

I was touched by her kindness. It gave me hope all was not lost with our marriage. “Maybe this accident is the thing that will awaken the passion we lost,” I thought. I thought wrong. It didn’t take long before my wife started receiving phone calls at ungodly hours. Sometimes she would tell whoever it was that she would call them back. Other times she wouldn’t pick up at all. She thought she was covering her tracks well but that only made me suspicious of her.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

Soon enough, she started going out at night with the excuse to buy ingredients for her spring rolls. It is only my wife who goes to China Mall after 9:00 PM consistently. Now that I am not a full man, I don’t even exist to her as a man to be desired. I have known her for fifteen years but I am now realizing that I have been loving the wrong person. How did I not see it long ago that she was not the one for me?

After everything I went through with her, I am going to die for nothing, and my competitors will take full control of her. When we got married ten years ago, we were inseparable but now we live like roommates. I don’t even ask for intimacy anymore. Why bother when she is going to say no or maltreat me before I get it? I just never imagined this is how my life would turn out.

—Kwesi

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