I’m not in a hurry to enter a relationship, but I won’t lie, I’m beginning to feel lonely at times. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’m still pursuing my degree. I’m also a mother who is doing all the parenting alone. It hasn’t been a walk in the park but God has been faithful. Whenever I felt like all hope is lost, things always got better.

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I am not the kind of woman people call beautiful outright. They get to know me better before they say I am beautiful. So I have often said that I am not so beautiful but I am beautiful in my own way. When it comes to men, I have never felt inadequate. I get lots of attention from them. Some I entertain, others I ignore completely.

I think the reason I can’t hold any serious relationship is because I grew up in a broken home. Somehow that experience shaped my mindset when it comes to relationships with men. For years, I never believed in marriage or relationships. I thought love and stability were simply not meant for someone like me.

However, as I grew older I realized that life works differently for everyone. What looks impossible in one family blooms beautifully in another. So I opened my mind to the possibility that I, too, could experience a healthy relationship someday.

My first relationship happened in 2019 when I met a guy who caught my interest. We had a little attachment, nothing too deep, but one thing led to another and I found myself pregnant. He didn’t deny the pregnancy, but he also didn’t take responsibility beyond acknowledging that the child was his.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t have been responsible if he was determined to be. He was a smart young man who was full of potential, but extremely lazy and unambitious. He wanted the perfect opportunity to fall into his lap without any effort. He didn’t like to hustle. He refused to build anything from scratch.

I talked to him several times, hoping he would change, but he didn’t. We argued until I got tired and walked away from him. Lack of ambition is a huge red flag for me. I value peace of mind, and being with someone who wasn’t willing to work or improve his life drained me mentally and emotionally.

Although I didn’t love him, I liked him enough to try. I’ve never truly understood what being in love feels like. I always tell myself that if there’s physical attraction and the man ticks most of my boxes, we can work things out. I am willing to learn someone and grow together. But the relationship ended long before I gave birth.

Now my son is 5 years old. I’ve gone back to school to pursue my degree, and even though his father is not involved at all—no child support, nothing—I don’t complain. My family has been incredibly supportive, and I am grateful.

However, I don’t seem to have patience for men. I don’t know why. It’s like my spirit withdraws from them, and once that happens, the connection is gone. Even when I try to force myself to continue talking to someone, it never ends well. I emotionally disconnect instantly.

Since my son’s father, I didn’t date anyone until this year, 2025. I tried talking to four different men, but not a single one made it past the talking stage. I would get close, feel something was off, and then I’d ghost them without drama. Every time, I find something that kills my interest: a comment, a behavior, a habit, their communication pattern—anything. And once that switch goes off in me, there’s no turning back.

Does Marriage Benefit Men More Than Women?

It’s beginning to worry me. I want to date again. I want to meet a good man. They do come my way; the problem is me. I don’t understand why I can’t choose someone or allow myself to settle. Maybe there’s something I am doing wrong that I can’t pinpoint. Maybe my past has built a wall around me.

I don’t know if anyone has experienced something similar or knows someone who has. I don’t know how to break this cycle. I want love, but something keeps holding me back. And I don’t know how to fix it.

—Everlie

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