Five years ago, Jude and I tied the knot. That day was the happiest day of my life. I had a lot of hope that our lives would be filled with peace and happiness. However, I found out that the reality of marital life is different from all the wishes and daydreams I had about marriage.

My husband is the kind of man who feels threatened by his wife’s success. He didn’t want me to reach heights in my career that he hadn’t reached in his. I didn’t know this about him when we were dating. So I was very surprised when the signs started rearing their heads in the marriage. For instance, he kept saying things to imply that my job was not as relevant as his.

Apart from envy when it came to my career success, I also came to the realization that he is a poor communicator. If we had a little disagreement on something, Jude would go for days without talking to me. Not to exaggerate but we could disagree on what to eat for dinner and he would punish me by not talking to me for over a month.

Our marriage was far from the safe haven I hoped it would be. It was in fact, a hell on earth. I complained several times, “Dear, if we have a misunderstanding, let’s resolve it immediately and move on with our marriage. I am not happy when you refuse to talk to me.” He would tell me he would change but his behavior persisted.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I reported him to his father. His father talked and talked, but Jude remained unchanged. The next thing I did was go to our counsellors. After several counselling sessions, nothing still changed. I even involved our extended families. That one too didn’t change anything.

I was miserable to the point where I couldn’t stomach it anymore. So I gathered courage, packed my bags and left. I moved to a neighbourhood nobody knew to find me and settled there. It broke my heart to walk away from my marriage but it hurt me more to stay. So my family returned the customary drinks to his family.

From there, we proceeded to court and dissolved the marriage. He wanted nothing to do with me after the divorce was finalized. I know this because he blocked me. After many months, I healed. I felt ready to love again so I put myself back out there.

Later, I met Nicky. While I don’t have any kids for Jude, I conceived for this new man within a short time of our first encounter. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was almost in my second trimester. We both agreed to keep the baby. I was happy especially because of how strongly I loved Nicky.

Unfortunately, I found out during my pregnancy that my man is a chronic cheat. He sleeps with any woman who is available to give their body to him. It’s not as if he is sexually starved. That’s just who he is. Some of the girls he sleeps with are on this page. Others too are random Facebook girls.

Every time I catch him, he would look as remorseful as Judas did after he betrayed Jesus. This guy would swear heaven and earth; “I am sorry dear. I promise I won’t do it again.” But he ends up doing it again. Our son is over a year old but we keep fighting about his cheating habits.

I don’t want to move on from him and go and start over with another man. I intend to have all my kids with one man and not different men. That’s why I’m reluctant to walk away from this relationship.

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As I am writing this story, my ex-husband wants me back. He admitted that he was unkind to me during our marriage. He has promised to make things right if I give him another chance. He said, “I don’t mind that you have a son with another man. I will take care of the boy and raise him as my own.” I can tell how serious he is but my heart belongs to Nicky. So I am very confused about whom to choose.

Although I still love him, I want to give him a taste of his own medicine. I want him to feel a fraction of the pain I feel when he cheats on me. Especially, the pain I feel when his other girlfriends attack me. They always come at me, calling me names. Some of them are very old yet they fight me because of him.

Just last week, two of his women attacked me again. They told me, “Pack your things and Nicky. Don’t you know that his joystick belongs to us?” All the insults I received because of him, I want to pay him back for it. Or if anyone knows of any medicine that can make him stay with only me, I will be grateful.

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—Kukua

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