I Know He Loves Me But He Still Hasn’t Broken Up With His Baby Mama

I’m a young lady in my mid-twenties. I am currently dating a man who is nineteen years older than me. His age is something I don’t find problematic, especially when I look at how well he treats me. In all my love life, no one has ever treated me with such tenderness and kindness. And my love for him has nothing to do with his money. I have met people who have more money than he has but I never paid attention to them. So money is not something I look at when I’m with someone. I just want to be loved and Simon gives me that love I need. So I’m okay with him. The problem here is, he left Ghana for abroad in his teens and only returned to Ghana after decades.

In those years he was away, he settled with a white lady and they have two children together. He told me, “When I was there, I made investments here in Ghana, and built businesses with the hope that I will return home one day. Everything went smoothly except when it came to the mother of my child. She refused to move back home with me. So I had to come home by myself and establish myself the way I dreamed. We haven’t broken up officially. We communicate all the time, although it’s mostly about bills and our children. There’s no love or romance between us anymore. That’s why I’m looking for a wife in Ghana.”

From everything he told me about her, I deduce that she is good to him. Initially, when he approached me, I misjudged him. I thought he was just making excuses to cheat on his baby mama. But he explained that he can’t be here alone and that he needs someone to settle down with. And in all my time of knowing this guy, it’s not up to a year yet, but from what I’ve seen so far, I can boldly say that he is not a womanizer. He has asked me to marry him but I haven’t said yes to that yet. I want to know him better before I decide to be bound to him for the rest of my life. He is very understanding so he is not putting pressure on me to come to a quick decision. All he does is occasionally talk about the plans he has for us when we get married, including the number of kids he wants us to have.

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He tells me about his plans before he embarks on them. He includes me in his businesses and I help him make decisions concerning his finances. He even has plans for where we will live after marriage. If I agree to marry him right now he will bring his family to meet my family and things will be set in motion for our marriage. While I haven’t given him the green light yet, he has introduced me to his family. All of them know and love me. And that means a lot to me because of the kind of family he comes from. Those people are noble, they will not condone anyone in the family messing around with women. So the men don’t bring women home until they are sure about her.

My insecurity, however, is with his baby mama. I don’t believe that there’s no love between them. People who have spent so many years together with two children between them cannot just walk away so easily from each other. Especially, when I think about the fact that he has refused to break up with her. I understand that he loves me but I don’t want to waste my youth on someone who may not work out. But I also keep asking myself, “What if I don’t meet someone who loves me the way Simon does?” In all honesty, our love life is beautiful. It’s the kind that makes me feel like I am living in a romance movie. I won’t hesitate to show off what we have to the world. But I have these fears that keep ruining my ability to enjoy what we have.

I Didn’t Marry You To Become A Baby-Making Machine—Beads Media

When I think about these fears I am convinced that he will leave me. I am trying to work on them but it’s difficult when certain things keep popping up. For example, anytime I see him talking to his baby mama I become jealous. I know they have children together so they need to talk but I keep thinking about what would happen if she decides to move to Ghana with the kids. He has assured me that such a thing won’t happen but I find it difficult to believe him. He says the reason he doesn’t want to officially break up with her is that the kids are young. They are seven and four. He says a break-up will result in a custody settlement and he doesn’t want to put them through that. I understand that but there is something else. His brother’s wife is very close to Simon’s baby mama. Because of that, he doesn’t display his affection for me in front of her. This makes me believe something is not right.

Kindly help me out here, do I have a genuine reason to be worried? Or am I just being insecure? We both love each other but do you think this marriage will work if I go into it? I am the one in the situation so I can’t see things clearly.