If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

Something was wrong and I could feel it. When he walked around me I didn’t hear the sound of his footsteps. It was like he was floating in the air. Even when I was with him, he sought solitude. He would respond to questions with his head; he’ll nod to say yes to something you expect him to explain. He’ll shake his head to say no. When you ask why he struggled to explain. So one evening, I think it was about four days before our wedding. I asked him, “Obed, are you ok?” He nodded without looking at my face. I said, “No I won’t let you talk to me with your head this time. What is wrong with you? Talk. I want to hear your voice.” He said, “I’m ok and I mean it. Stop worrying me.”

He had a very good rapport with my senior sister so I asked her to talk to him and find out what the issue was. He gave the same answer to my senior sister; “I’m very fine. I may be thinking a lot but it has nothing to do with anything. It’s a phase. It would go.” I went to him again, “Dear, we are getting married very soon. Your problem is my problem. If we can’t share what is wrong with you today, do you think we can share when we are married?” He answered calmly, “You worry too much. It’s not a problem. Maybe I’m overwhelmed by everything going on around me. I’ll be fine.”

I was looking at him at any given opportunity. He’ll receive his calls outside. He’ll spend abnormal time on his phone but he told me everything was alright so I stopped bothering him. On the eve of our wedding, I called him on phone. I was sleeping in my parents’ house while he was in the hotel. I asked him, “Do you regret coming this far with me? I will understand if you tell me right now that you don’t want to be married to me again. I’ll cry but it’s better than getting married and not being happy.” He said, “You’re overthinking this. I’m fine. I love you and I want to be married to you. In my next life, it will still be you. I’m happy doing this.” I said, “Prove it.” He said, “Come over.” 

I looked at the time and it was almost 10pm. I wore a skirt and a T-shirt and ran through the dark to the hotel. Four months before our marriage, we made a promise that we were going to reserve what was left until our honeymoon but that night we gave it all away and it was one of the best moments of our lives. It calmed me down. He walked me to the entrance of our house and kissed me good night. I went to bed smiling with a fulfilled heart knowing that the sun will shine on us the next day in our wedding attire. 

We got married. We settled in beautifully as a husband and a wife. He went nowhere without me unless he was traveling. We went to parties and events and did a lot of things that gave us joy. His crazy matched my crazy. That was our strength. It never occurred to me that there would be a day when Obed will see someone else. 

Every once in a while he would travel. The reasons were either work-related or he was going to see his parents. One day he did such a journey and told me he was going to visit his parents. That same day, I saw a post on his junior sister’s status. She was cooking. I commented, “When my husband is coming back, give mine to him. You’ve made me want to eat some of the food.” She asked me, “Is he coming here?” By then my husband had called to tell me he had reached the house. I answered, “He’s home or you’re not home?” She answered, “Maybe he’s on the way coming because he hadn’t reached here.”

He never got there. When he came back home, I asked where he went and he said, “But I told you where I was going?” I showed him the chat I had with his sister. He was caught red-handed and didn’t know what to say. I said, ‘Tell me the truth. Where did you go?” He answered, “I went on a trip with paddies. I didn’t know how to tell you.” It turned into an argument. I didn’t believe him but he insisted it was the truth. I said, “Obed, we go to places together. If it’s a trip you went, you would have gone with me.” He said, “This was a boys-boys trip.”

I lost a bit of trust in him. I started probing. His phone was a no go area because he had a different password for different apps. I had the main password but because he had a different password to his chat apps, there was no point going into his phone. I checked his pocket often. I checked his bag too. When I had access to his laptop, I checked on it too. There was nothing informative there. He would go out and not tell me where he went. I would call him and he won’t pick up. I was just harboring all those feelings for the right time. 

And then the wedding feeling descended on him again. He was not talking, always absent-minded. He would be sitting next to me but he won’t hear me talk. I went on his phone one day and started checking his mobile money transactions. I saw a trend. He was sending money to one particular number. There was no name to the number. I copied the number. I called it one day and the voice that greeted me was a woman’s voice. I’d wanted to ask her questions; “Who are you?” “I’ve seen that my husband sends you money often, why?” “Do you have any relationship with my husband?” A lot of questions were springing up in my head but immediately she said hello, the voice in my head said, “Don’t be silly. She could be anyone at all or someone important to his career. Don’t give yourself away as an insecure woman who goes around calling random people because her husband has dealings with them.” 

I didn’t talk to her. I cut the call on hello. She called back several times and I didn’t pick up. I showed the number to my husband and asked, “Who is this lady you’ve been sending money to?” He looked at the number. The answer I was looking for didn’t come from his mouth. It came from the way he looked when he saw the number. I said, “I called her but I wanted to get the information from you first.” He called me silly. He asked what has come over me. He told me I was insecure. A week later he came up with that confession.

In his story, he made it look like he woke up one day to give me that confession, no. It was a consistent search into the rabbit hole. I was already getting to the heart of the matter before he confessed out of desperation. “Obed, what are you telling me? Do you mean you have a child outside this marriage? Before he could answer, I threw my hand but he dodged and landed on his bum. I threw my hand again and he held me. None of my slaps landed. If he fears God, he’ll tell the truth. I was hurting and crying for days. I was thinking of what next to do. “You have two kids with another woman and you send them money consistently but any time I ask you for money, you don’t have it. Obviously, you love your outside family more than us so why are you still here?” He answered, “I’m sorry. I’ve opened myself up for the devil to use me. I’m a changed man now. I will make things right.”

READ ALSO: When My Love Story Gets Tough I Remember My Mom’s Love Story And Smile

Three days later, I packed my things and went to live with my senior sister. I told her what had happened and she opened her mouth like she had seen a ghost. I said, “Yeah, your Obed. See what he can do? She asked me, “So what are you going to do?” I answered, “I’m leaving him. He doesn’t give us money but he gives them money so what’s the point?” She supported me right there. Obed called her and she even insulted him and asked him not to call her again. My parents were equally supportive of my intention. He brought delegates upon delegates but my mind was already made up. I got my divorce so he can go ahead and impregnate whoever he wants to impregnate. 

Question: “Doesn’t it break your heart that he has nothing and he could barely eat?”

I got to know this when I read the story. I was sad for him but all of us have to pay for our sins. I don’t take a kobo from him that I use for myself. Everything he brings goes into child support. Maybe it’s what he’s paying to the other side that’s making him poor but days ago, I called the other woman. I sent her the link and she also got sad about how things are going on in his life. We are no longer involved with him but we have his children. He’s always going to remain the father of our children. Where’s the pride if someday we find the father of our kids living on the street? I won’t be happy. I would be ashamed to even call him my ex so we’ve agreed not to take anything from him going forward. He’ll pull his life back, he’ll do well for himself and be able to take care of the kids properly. We are giving him that chance, I trust him. He’ll make it work. 

Question: “How would you feel if he married the other woman?”

If he did, I would have taken both of them through hellfire, I swear. Then it means everything he did was intentional. He wasn’t sorry when he said he was sorry and that would have been the biggest betrayal for me in the whole story. I know he didn’t get back with her because of the respect he has for me and it’s the reason I’m also being considerate this time. Honestly, it would have hurt so bad if he finally settled with that woman.”

Question; “You said you called her. Are you two friends now?”

No, we are not friends. I called her for the sake of our ex. That girl is doing well in life than I’m doing. I know she doesn’t need his money but she’s doing it to spite him—to make him suffer for neglecting her. I pleaded with her to consider and she agreed. We can’t be friends. It ends there.”

Question; “You still love him? You think someday there can be a way for him to get back into your life?” 

How can I love a cheat? No, I don’t and I will never give him that way back to me. If I would, I wouldn’t have left him in the first place. The only way for him is to get better for himself so he can play a part in his kids’ lives. No matter how you look at it, my son has siblings and those siblings belong to another woman. That cord can never be broken but he won’t come back in any form into my life apart from that. 

Question: “Are you considering another man or you already have a man in your life.

My son is the only man in my life. He’s enough.  

—Carolyn

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.

Photo:Black baby photo created by freepik – www.freepik.com