After SHS, I started selling bread to save money for tertiary school. Things were not so easy peasy when it came to finances at home, so my future was in my hands. While I was doing my best to secure my future, I met Mike. He was sweet. Without any warning, he swept me off my feet and took my breath away.

Mike is the kind of guy my mother warned me to run from. He even had the body of a bad boy. Tall, handsome, and chiselled jaw. His muscles were perfectly toned with abs in all the right places. He looked like he was sculpted by Michaelangelo. A good girl like me didn’t stand a chance against his charms. I said yes to him before I even processed the question. “Yes, I will be your girlfriend,” I heard myself say.

Mike was in the university at the time but he didn’t care that I was saving up for nursing school. All he cared about was his long list of girlfriends. I remember how I would go to his place and meet another woman there. I dared not complain. If I did, he would beat me up and threaten to break up with me.

Sometimes I would look into the mirror and tell myself; “Mike doesn’t love me. Love does not hurt. Love is not violent. Love doesn’t threaten to walk away when they are wrong. Whatever he feels for me, it is not love. It feels like I am the one forcing the relationship. So I’m going to walk away and never look back.” It’s like witchcraft. The moment I finish giving myself this talk, Mike would show up acting sorry for his abuse. I would take one look at his pretty face and throw self-love into the trash. Only to jump back at the opportunity to be his emotional and physical punching bag yet again.

He would cheat, I would complain, and then he would beat me. After that, I would tell myself I am done with him, but he would come and apologize and I would run back into his arms. This was the vicious cycle of our relationship until one day I decided to put an end to it. I went through his phone and blocked the numbers of all his side girlfriends. I figured by doing that, he would have no choice but focus only on me. Can you blame me? I was eighteen and in love with a man whose smile was the sun to my day.

When he found out what I had done, he was furious. I was home when he showed up barking warnings at me. “What right do you have to block all my other girlfriends on my phone?” He demanded. Before I could answer he went on, “Never ever touch my phone again. You are just another one of my girlfriends. Not my wife, so know your place.” I believe that was my breaking point. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as I fell apart and wept.

That day I didn’t look into the mirror and give myself a talk. I just silently said in my heart that I was done with him. It was hard but I focused on more purposeful pursuits like getting myself into nursing school. Somehow, I managed to keep myself from going back to Mike. I just didn’t want to have anything to do with love or a man. I was all about finding myself and healing.

A few weeks after that incident I met Eugene. He wanted to be my friend. That was all I could offer him anyway, so I agreed. Unlike Mike, he didn’t have the whole bad-boy thing going for him. What he had was warmth and safety. That’s right, there was something so trusting about him. And he made me feel so safe. But I had been burned so I was careful around him.

One day we were talking when he said, “Will you go out with me? I just want us to sit somewhere and talk.” I was skeptical about it but I decided to go and hear whatever he had to say. He chose a place and time, and I showed up. Unfortunately for me, we ran into Mike over there. He couldn’t stand to see me with another man so he called me aside and accused me of leaving him for Eugene. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend. I had to leave him there and return to my date.

As soon as I sat back down Eugene asked, “Who is that guy? And why does he look so angry?” Without meaning to, I told Eugene everything about my relationship with Mike. “We are in this toxic cycle. Every time I leave him, I go right back to him. I am so tired of hurting. I will do anything to be completely rid of him,” I concluded. I thought by being vulnerable, I would push Eugene away but he proved to be made of sterner stuff. He took my hand in his and said, “Don’t worry. I will help you get over him. I will do my best to make sure you don’t go back to him because I love you. And I want to show you how it feels to be loved right.”

I meant it when I said I was no longer interested in love, but when a great love like Eugene comes knocking on the door of your heart, you open up and give him a chance. So that’s what I did.

Our relationship was, and continues to be exactly the opposite of what I had with Mike. Eugene cared about my dreams and supported me to achieve them. What we share is so beautiful that I am glad I didn’t miss out on it. One thing he did that made me decide that he is the man I want to marry was when he showed kindness to my friend.

My friend got robbed and lost her phone. When Eugene found out he took out his SIM card from his two-month-old phone and gave it to her. He said, “You are yet to be posted so you don’t have a job. How will you be able to afford a new phone? So take mine. I will get a new one.” My friend and I were so touched that he could just freely give out his phone to someone he doesn’t stand to benefit anything from.

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Apart from that single act of kindness, Eugene helped me with chores. He would come to my house, just to help me cook, clean, and do laundry. I used to think that he would stop being domestic when we get married. However, we have been married for two years and he hasn’t changed in the slightest. He still helps me cook, clean, and do laundry. Having him as a life partner is a dream come true. We have a baby and I am happy that he is the man our child will emulate when he is growing up.

I think about my life before my husband and how much things changed after I met him and I am thankful that he found me when he did.

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I was so quick-tempered before we got married. But after we got married, he found ways to help me manage my temper. When I get angry he would say, “Don’t talk. Don’t react. Just take a deep breath, and keep breathing until you feel yourself calming down.” If that doesn’t work, he would take my hand and say, “Let’s go for a walk.” While on the walk, I would see things that distract me from my anger. By the time we return home, I wouldn’t even remember why I was angry in the first place.

Indeed, I married the best man for me. I want him to know that before I married him, I didn’t think marriage could be this beautiful and peaceful, but now I do. Because of him, I can’t relate to horror stories about marriages. I know in my heart that if I have to do this all over again, I will choose him again. Even in my next life, and the one after that, I will still marry him.

—Ohemaa 

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