I have been quiet since I found out what he did. He doesn’t know that I know the truth. I have been acting like the ever-dutiful wife he married sixteen years ago. I welcome him with a smile when he returns home from work. I cook his meals and serve them to him. I sit with him after dinner to watch TV and catch up on our day. He is behaving as if nothing is amiss so I am matching his energy.

They say you can tell the state of someone’s mind by their home but not me. You won’t come to our home and find our kids unattended or looking dirty. You won’t find the kitchen sink overrun with dirty dishes. Everything is as organized as it needs to be even though my mind feels like the aftermath of a battle.

All my thoughts are about everything William and I have been through in this marriage. For sixteen years, we’ve had each other’s backs. We’ve ridden life’s storms together. We’ve literally been through thick and thin. We’ve celebrated pregnancies, childbirths, and spent sleepless nights getting through the early stages of the arrival of a newborn. Now all our three children are growing up beautifully. 

The plan was to invest our best into them, take care of them through school, and make sure they are positioned to access good opportunities in life. We were together in this plan until two weeks ago. I decided to go through my husband’s phone out of curiosity, and discovered that he is living another life that I didn’t know about. 

Williams has a mistress. I know we’ve normalised cheating in married men but this doesn’t look like a man having a little fun on the side. If it was all a temporary affair, it would have shown in their conversations. The lady is currently pregnant.

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In the chat, she talked about getting rid of it. I am not saying it’s right for her to get rid of a pregnancy but isn’t this what they do in these kinds of situations? Well, in our case my husband is convincing his mistress to keep the pregnancy. After three children I don’t know what else he is looking for. My heart is so broken by this.

I don’t know how to go about this. I took screenshots of their messages. I am thinking I should send them to him and then give him the silent treatment. But for how long? I wish I could leave the marriage for him and his mistress but where do I even start with three children?

My heart is heavy with sadness. I feel pained and bitter but I am keeping it in. My tears too, I am holding all of them back. I fear that if I start crying I won’t be able to stop. This is why I am maintaining a calm composure, and acting as if nothing has changed, even though the sight of him irritates me. I smile at him but in my heart, I wish him evil. 

I hate that I am saddled with all these feelings. I wish I could find a way to address the issue so I would be free. The thing is, I don’t know what to do after I tell him I know what is going on. What do I do?

— Selli

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