The first time I saw her was in December 2020. I liked her immediately. If I even want to go deep into myself, I would say it was love at first sight. I was willing to do anything for her before I even learned her name. That’s how strongly I felt toward her. When I approached her I didn’t hide my intentions from her before I took her number. I had high hopes when we started talking. I thought she would accept to be with me after we got to know each other.

Unfortunately, those hopes were dashed when she announced that she had a boyfriend. Still, I couldn’t quench my feelings for her. So I stayed in her life as a friend. When you love someone, you want to take care of them. That’s how I knew I loved this lady. Although she belonged to another man, I was supporting her financially from time to time. There were times the things she needed from me were not cash but favours in kind. Anything I could do to make her happy, I did without hesitation.

Through our friendship, we talked about almost everything in our lives. When she was having problems with her boyfriend, I served as a listening ear. I watched her go through the emotions of their problems. Sometimes, my shoulders were the tissues that gathered her tears. I was there for her every step of the way until she one day announced she was single. Whatever rough patch they went through, their relationship didn’t survive it. This was in 2021.

Her heart was broken and mine broke in sympathy. I remember thinking, “If she gives her heart to me, I will protect it with my own fragile heart. I will take good care of it. I will never hurt her.” I want to believe that my constant presence and reassurance of friendship helped her through her healing process. When I felt the life return to her eyes, and lustre return to her gait, I asked her to be my girlfriend.

The first time, she turned me down with the excuse that she was not single. Well, this time that she was single, her excuse was that she was not ready to start a new relationship yet. She gave me hope that I had a chance with her. So I was so certain that she would look in my direction when she was finally ready to give love a chance again.

As our friendship progressed, she started calling me all these sweet pet names. “You are my sweetheart,” she would tell me on some days. Other times too she would say I was her love. There were times we even laughed when she would call me her Chocomuncho. While all this was going on, I supported her with my little. Be it money or services, I provided the little I could for her.

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Somewhere in 2023, this lady called me that we needed to talk seriously. I thought she was in trouble so I came running. That was when she told me, “I wish I could be with you but I can’t. My family forbids me to marry from your tribe. That’s why I haven’t accepted your proposal to date. I just don’t want to start a relationship I can’t finish.” My heart crashed like glass in my chest. I don’t know how I managed to receive the news without becoming a teary mess.


Later, I found out she went to accept another man’s proposal. I wished her happiness if that was who she truly wanted. I have tried to keep a distance from her since that time. The problem is, she refuses to let me be. I heard she told her new boyfriend that she doesn’t love him. For some reason only known to her, she makes it a point to call me everyday.

I don’t understand why a woman would string a man along for over three years, then go for another man, and still try to maintain a friendship with the same guy she rejected. I warned her to stop calling me, if not I would have no choice but to block her. She pleaded with me, “Please don’t do that. Don’t cut me off. You are an important person in my life, and you will always hold a special place in my heart.” “What does that even mean? What exactly do you want from me?” I asked her.

She says all she wants from me is friendship. I am too hurt to be her friend. Will I be wrong to cut her off for good? I can’t be in her life knowing she will always choose other men over me.

—K.B

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