He is doing well for himself in Ghana. While others struggle to get a job, he has one that pays well. While others like me have to leave the country in search of greener pastures, my boyfriend is making it in Ghana. He doesn’t have crazy money. Of course, he is not living in luxury. When we speak of wealth, he does not possess much. Nonetheless, he is living a comfortable life.

He can afford to provide for his needs and that of others. He is able to help the people in his life. Because of this, he has no interest in leaving Ghana for better opportunities. He believes everything he needs in life, he already has it where he is. This is why he doesn’t see the need to travel abroad only to become a second-class citizen in another man’s country.

This is why our five-year relationship is not making any headway. Whenever we talk about the future, we reach an impasse. Unlike him, I didn’t have life on a silver platter in Ghana. I had to apply to study abroad in hopes of getting access to better opportunities. Thankfully, I got in. I gained admission to study overseas so I took it and left the country.

We have been together for five years now. I am twenty-three but he is a little older. He is ready for marriage so we talk about our future a lot. Whenever he brings up the topic I ask him, “Are you willing to move from home and join me here?”

Every time I ask him this question his answer is one and the same, “I have a good life here. It’s not everything I dreamed of but I am content with it. To me, it’s better than starting life all over in another man’s country. I don’t even know what awaits me over there or how long it will take me to stand on my feet. I have given it a lot of thought and it’s not something I can do.

Although I am certain that he is the man for me, how can we get married if we cannot agree on where we should live? Having a long-distance relationship is one thing. But I believe a long-distance marriage is another ball game altogether. Even though that seems to be the viable option on the table at the moment, I don’t want it.

We’ve lived apart for five years, but when it comes to marriage I want us to live together. If it was feasible for me to move to Ghana so we would be together I would. However, I have sacrificed so much to be where I am today. It would make no sense for me to leave everything I am fighting for to move to a country where I am not sure I have a fighting chance.

I am confused and don’t know what to do. How do I make things work for our future if neither of us is willing to sacrifice our comfort for the love we share? I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But how do I do any of it in this situation?

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I am worried that if I try too hard to convince him to join me and things don’t work out for him the way he expects them to, he will spend the entire time resenting me. Can you imagine living in a foreign land with a husband who is not happy about moving his life for you? Neither of us will be happy so what is the point of it?

If I also throw away all the education I got here and move home for marriage but I am not able to build my career, I won’t be happy with my man either. We are in a situation where neither of us can win. It’s either one person loses while the other is happy or we both lose each other and continue living our lives of comfort in our respective countries.

Either way, we have to choose what we are willing to let go of and what we are ready to lose. That’s what makes this so hard for me. How can I easily walk away from a five-year relationship? But then again, how can I leave a land of opportunities because my man seems to be doing well for himself over there? Kindly advise me.

–Gaia

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